Very poetic ...
Tell us about the time Branch Warren got his pick-up all muddy in the Texas wilderness and had to take the clothes off in order to wipe down the truck in order to make it to the Truck and Tractor show on time.
For a so-called intellectual you have God awful sentence structure.Also, why would Branch be driving his pick-up truck all around the wilderness... minutes before a show?
Edited for clarity and brevity:Tell us about the time Branch Warren muddied his truck in the Texas wilderness, and used the very clothes off his back to wipe down the truck so he could arrive at Truck and Tractor Show on time.
"Used" implies that he could have wiped the muddy truck with the Napkins in the center console from Pete`s BBQ Pit instead of implying a position of circumstance where his clothes are the only article available, thus the homoerotic scenario suffers as the feeling of being cornered and constricted(which is a popular sentiment in homoerotic fiction) is less imperative. I am assuming you have newly emerged from the closet.
Branch is an Alpha-male,hes cool,intelligant,successful and has muscles...oh and a hot wife
he fucks men