Author Topic: Surviving a break-up.... (Read 6140 times)

Butterbean · « **on:** March 25, 2009, 11:47:17 AM »

Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.

What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?

Original Sin · « **Reply #1 on:** March 25, 2009, 12:07:38 PM »

I just went through a really bad one... but today I feel far better about life hen I have EVER.
So some break ups are a good thing.

This is what I did...
(very simplified)

1) Cried
2) Cried
3) Cried
4) Found a friend who was there for me to talk too, brought me food to make sure I ate
5) Same friend would show up, dress me up and take me out places, and listen.
6) Cried with the intent to rid myself of the hurt (This actually works)
7) Had the same friend kick my ass when it needed it.

Now I can't say they will find that friend.
But make sure that you are that friend when the time comes!!
I know I will be!

drkaje · « **Reply #2 on:** March 25, 2009, 12:18:49 PM »

Just find someone new.

Life's short.

pumpster · « **Reply #3 on:** March 25, 2009, 12:26:49 PM »

You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.

Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.

BayGBM · « **Reply #4 on:** March 25, 2009, 12:27:26 PM »

Quote from: STella on March 25, 2009, 11:47:17 AM

Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.

What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?

Hot sex with someone else--especially someone hotter than your ex!

Cap · « **Reply #5 on:** March 25, 2009, 06:00:12 PM »

Quote from: pumpster on March 25, 2009, 12:26:49 PM

You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.

Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.

x2 as well as meeting new people to hang out with, friends or otherwise (which is part of your advice). New girls definitely help too.

YoungBlood · « **Reply #6 on:** March 25, 2009, 06:33:55 PM »

As the saying goes...

"The best way to get over a man, is to get under a man..."

Migs · « **Reply #7 on:** March 25, 2009, 07:48:56 PM »

let's say that casual sex with someone is out of the question.

Butterbean · « **Reply #8 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:05:19 PM »

Quote from: Original Sin on March 25, 2009, 12:07:38 PM

I just went through a really bad one... but today I feel far better about life hen I have EVER.
So some break ups are a good thing.

This is what I did...
(very simplified)

1) Cried
2) Cried
3) Cried
4) Found a friend who was there for me to talk too, brought me food to make sure I ate
5) Same friend would show up, dress me up and take me out places, and listen.
6) Cried with the intent to rid myself of the hurt (This actually works)
7) Had the same friend kick my ass when it needed it.

Now I can't say they will find that friend.
But make sure that you are that friend when the time comes!!
I know I will be!

This type of support is really nice!

Butterbean · « **Reply #9 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:06:07 PM »

Quote from: pumpster on March 25, 2009, 12:26:49 PM

You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.

Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.

good stuff here too

benz · « **Reply #10 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:08:10 PM »

i survived thanks to alcohol, later i found a woman that saved me from alcohol!

Migs · « **Reply #11 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:11:36 PM »

i think women are much better equipped to survive a break up. After all they have a hundred girl friends they can call and hang out wiht and talk/cry about thing.s Guys don't. we have the "suck it up and get laid" advice from friends. lpus it doesn't hurt that women get hit on by other guys often and that is a self-esteem booster. Plus they can hope into a relationship, rebound or not more easily, since their options are greater.

Original Sin · « **Reply #12 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:15:03 PM »

Quote from: pumpster on March 25, 2009, 12:26:49 PM

You have to let a certain amount of time go by, that's part of the healing. Get busy during that time, you'll be surprised how productive you can be when driven by the leftover angst that's inevitable. Working out daily not only kills some of the time it puts you in good shape down the road. Essentially you want to take that hurt and funnel it in to positive things as time goes by.

Finding someone new definitely helps, but often isn't realistic. It can't be forced. You have to come back to being by yourself, reaclimate to that again first otherwise you're just on the rebound without resolving what's happened.

This is so true!

Focus the pain to something positive!

And Time really does heal all wounds, well it lets you deal with them in a far productive manner.
Honestly I would phone him and thank him for what he actually showed me, but a part of me still doesn't want him to know I am doing well.
I am so better off today and this is far as my vindictiveness will go

Quote from: Migs on March 25, 2009, 08:11:36 PM

i think women are much better equipped to survive a break up. After all they have a hundred girl friends they can call and hang out wiht and talk/cry about thing.s Guys don't. we have the "suck it up and get laid" advice from friends. lpus it doesn't hurt that women get hit on by other guys often and that is a self-esteem booster. Plus they can hope into a relationship, rebound or not more easily, since their options are greater.

Sorry,
disagree with this one. Yes we women gather around and help the wounded flower when need be.
But what I have seen when a guy get a real friend it is on a level that we girls with never achieve.
"Bros before ho's" this type of loyalty doesn't really exist in the female mind.

Migs · « **Reply #13 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:20:08 PM »

perhaps OS. but i think it depends on the guy and the experiences of his guy friends. Most times it the "get some strange have a beer and move on" mentality. Girls actually talk things out and show more emotion. Guys gaurd their emotions, especialy around other guys so as to not look like a wuss. Guys bond differently. Guys mentatlity is that things will snap back to normal if you leave the flock then come back. Besides, what if you are going through something and none of your guy friends have gone through the same thing or even remotely close to it. then the guy is doubly screwed.

michael arvilla · « **Reply #14 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:20:12 PM »

Cap · « **Reply #15 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:23:01 PM »

I've found that it is better to actually need to get over someone then to find out you never needed to get over them at all. I've gotten out of relationships only to figure out later I had gotten over it long before. A good friend pointed that out in a fairly recent relationship. She told me that when I talked about the relationship that I didn't even seem vested in it.

drkaje · « **Reply #16 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:27:06 PM »

I just checked cnn.com and there's no shortage of people to hang out with.

Cap · « **Reply #17 on:** March 25, 2009, 08:29:35 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 25, 2009, 08:27:06 PM

I just checked cnn.com and there's no shortage of people to hang out with.

After break ups I finding myself dipping with my guys friends, doing normal guy stuff more often and being A LOT more friendly to women in general. When I date I feel like I have to close myself off a lot.

drkaje · « **Reply #18 on:** March 26, 2009, 07:38:00 AM »

Quote from: Cap on March 25, 2009, 08:29:35 PM

After break ups I finding myself dipping with my guys friends, doing normal guy stuff more often and being A LOT more friendly to women in general. When I date I feel like I have to close myself off a lot.

There's no cooter shortage.

Cap · « **Reply #19 on:** March 26, 2009, 08:34:34 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 26, 2009, 07:38:00 AM

There's no cooter shortage.

Haha, true. I find that being laid back hanging out with my guy friends translates into having more fun when I go out and meet girls.

drkaje · « **Reply #20 on:** March 26, 2009, 08:38:32 AM »

Quote from: Cap on March 26, 2009, 08:34:34 AM

Haha, true. I find that being laid back hanging out with my guy friends translates into having more fun when I go out and meet girls.

Now I'm not saying everyone isn't 'special' and all the other nonsense. Only that people need to keep things in perspective.

wild willie · « **Reply #21 on:** March 26, 2009, 09:11:07 AM »

It is normal to be sad and down in the dumps for a period of time. Very natural reaction to something like this. Remember that you are meant to be with someone more compatible and that it takes some time to find this person. Don't rush it. In the meantime, take time to heal emotionally, then focus on your goals and don't be afraid to seek out the assistance of a counselor. Or if not a counselor, soemone to cinfide in. Don't keep your feelings inside. Also, don't neglet your health....... keep training and trying to achieve your best shape.

Keep your mind sharp and always count your blessings.

Cap · « **Reply #22 on:** March 26, 2009, 09:25:51 AM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 26, 2009, 08:38:32 AM

Now I'm not saying everyone isn't 'special' and all the other nonsense. Only that people need to keep things in perspective.

Absolutely. I can remember being in HS and being broken up about things, thinking I'll never meet someone ever again. Now my reaction is "meh, shit happens". Life's too short to worry about the past all the time. You remember the good times and move on with your life. Just keep on keepin' on.

drkaje · « **Reply #23 on:** March 26, 2009, 09:43:17 AM »

Quote from: wild willie on March 26, 2009, 09:11:07 AM

It is normal to be sad and down in the dumps for a period of time. Very natural reaction to something like this. Remember that you are meant to be with someone more compatible and that it takes some time to find this person. Don't rush it. In the meantime, take time to heal emotionally, then focus on your goals and don't be afraid to seek out the assistance of a counselor. Or if not a counselor, soemone to cinfide in. Don't keep your feelings inside. Also, don't neglet your health....... keep training and trying to achieve your best shape.

Keep your mind sharp and always count your blessings.

Are you a girl?

Andy Griffin · « **Reply #24 on:** March 27, 2009, 02:20:05 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 26, 2009, 07:38:00 AM

There's no cooter shortage.

True, but how does that help?

This IS the Cooter you speak of, isn't it?