Author Topic: Surviving a break-up.... (Read 6141 times)

Migs · « **Reply #25 on:** March 27, 2009, 04:51:12 PM »

it doesn't. Especially if you truly care about the other person

drkaje · « **Reply #26 on:** March 27, 2009, 05:22:30 PM »

Quote from: Migs on March 27, 2009, 04:51:12 PM

it doesn't. Especially if you truly care about the other person

The world keeps turning, Migsy.

Migs · « **Reply #27 on:** March 27, 2009, 05:35:32 PM »

nope it doesn't. It comes to a screeching halt and everything flies off and gets destroyed.

Original Sin · « **Reply #28 on:** March 27, 2009, 06:39:14 PM »

Quote from: Migs on March 27, 2009, 05:35:32 PM

nope it doesn't. It comes to a screeching halt and everything flies off and gets destroyed.

The "cure all"

Migs · « **Reply #29 on:** March 27, 2009, 06:47:52 PM »

Quote from: Original Sin on March 27, 2009, 06:39:14 PM

The "cure all"

maybe true if i hated her, but that's not the case. nice try though, lol

INSOMNIA · « **Reply #30 on:** March 27, 2009, 10:46:49 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 25, 2009, 12:18:49 PM

Just find someone new.

Life's short.

X's 2

Faust · « **Reply #31 on:** March 28, 2009, 10:10:33 AM »

Some people are not bothered by breakups at all (prob drkaje), some are more affected. I fall in the second category. Recently i went through two so i thought i'd share some of my thoughts:

- Don't try to keep somebody in your life that doesn't want to do so himself/herself. I don't have contact anymore with the first girl, second girl i still chat with her sometimes. I consider her a friend now, and the first girl is an ex. And that's ok. I realised i was clinging on to the first one and just prolonging the mental suffering.

- Allow some time for grief, but after that don't allow your mind to fantasise about a possible future togheter or think about the past or what could have been or whatever... It's in the past. You are living now. You won't succeed in this 100%, but thats ok, even 50% is better than nothing. Some interesting idea: set apart like 20 min a day to let it all come out, either by crying or talking to a friend about it or whatever. Research shows that 90% of our thoughts have no purpose and 75% of self-talk is negative. Great line i read: They are only worries if you worry about them.

- Do positive things: working out, connecting again with some friends, ... You'll feel better about yourself, takes your mind off it while you are processing things. Alcohol was really bad for me, i think crying, excessive eating, overthinking, drugs are things people tend to indulge in to cover the pain.

- Flirt/date with other people cause life is short and you should enjoy every second of it. Don't fall in love quickly, don't play with other people's feelings.

drkaje · « **Reply #32 on:** March 28, 2009, 01:00:21 PM »

Quote from: Faust on March 28, 2009, 10:10:33 AM

Some people are not bothered by breakups at all (prob drkaje), some are more affected. I fall in the second category. Recently i went through two so i thought i'd share some of my thoughts:

- Don't try to keep somebody in your life that doesn't want to do so himself/herself. I don't have contact anymore with the first girl, second girl i still chat with her sometimes. I consider her a friend now, and the first girl is an ex. And that's ok. I realised i was clinging on to the first one and just prolonging the mental suffering.

- Allow some time for grief, but after that don't allow your mind to fantasise about a possible future togheter or think about the past or what could have been or whatever... It's in the past. You are living now. You won't succeed in this 100%, but thats ok, even 50% is better than nothing. Some interesting idea: set apart like 20 min a day to let it all come out, either by crying or talking to a friend about it or whatever. Research shows that 90% of our thoughts have no purpose and 75% of self-talk is negative. Great line i read: They are only worries if you worry about them.

- Do positive things: working out, connecting again with some friends, ... You'll feel better about yourself, takes your mind off it while you are processing things. Alcohol was really bad for me, i think crying, excessive eating, overthinking, drugs are things people tend to indulge in to cover the pain.

- Flirt/date with other people cause life is short and you should enjoy every second of it. Don't fall in love quickly, don't play with other people's feelings.

Pining over some chick/dude that doesn't feel the same way is a waste of time.

Every single one of us can be replaced and no one's company is special enough to the point where hanging around a pain in the butt makes sense. That's why treating people the way you'd like to be treated is so important.

powerpack · « **Reply #33 on:** March 28, 2009, 01:12:49 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 28, 2009, 01:00:21 PM

Pining over some chick/dude that doesn't feel the same way is a waste of time.

Every single one of us can be replaced and no one's company is special enough to the point where hanging around a pain in the butt makes sense. That's why treating people the way you'd like to be treated is so important.

If you can just move on, either you have no real feelings or you have developed certain survival mechanism to mask pain.
I have been dumped once, I have dumped every other woman except my wife of course.
I always felt some kind of pain.

drkaje · « **Reply #34 on:** March 28, 2009, 02:15:08 PM »

Quote from: powerpack on March 28, 2009, 01:12:49 PM

If you can just move on, either you have no real feelings or you have developed certain survival mechanism to mask pain.
I have been dumped once, I have dumped every other woman except my wife of course.
I always felt some kind of pain.

Feelings are fine, stupid is not.

If your car broke down you'd get another one.

Lynchie · « **Reply #35 on:** March 28, 2009, 05:19:40 PM »

Bang another girl asap. Sorry, I wish it was deeper than that, but sadly it's not. It works wonders for me.

Migs · « **Reply #36 on:** March 28, 2009, 06:45:03 PM »

i'm not on the same wave lentgh as lynchie or drkaje. I feel pain, lots of it. Having a broken car and a broken relationship are two very different matters, IMO

drkaje · « **Reply #37 on:** March 28, 2009, 06:48:48 PM »

Quote from: Migs on March 28, 2009, 06:45:03 PM

i'm not on the same wave lentgh as lynchie or drkaje. I feel pain, lots of it. Having a broken car and a broken relationship are two very different matters, IMO

They are basically the same thing. Both judged on their level of functionality.

Migs · « **Reply #38 on:** March 28, 2009, 07:00:33 PM »

I wouldn't be hurt it i lost my car. It would suck, but that's all. Losing the person you love is much much worse.

Hustle Man · « **Reply #39 on:** March 28, 2009, 07:24:11 PM »

Quote from: STella on March 25, 2009, 11:47:17 AM

Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.

What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?

I did the Forrest Gump and ran my ass off to relieve the stress and refocus!

HM (Stress free)

drkaje · « **Reply #40 on:** March 28, 2009, 08:28:03 PM »

Quote from: Migs on March 28, 2009, 07:00:33 PM

I wouldn't be hurt it i lost my car. It would suck, but that's all. Losing the person you love is much much worse.

It's hard to say. I always wonder how much of people's reactions to breakups are from having lost their identity in the relationship versus really being broken hearted.

Don't get it twisted, now. I'm not saying people don't fall in love, get broken hearted, get their period, miss someone and all the other crap. Merely that many times it seems people have forgotten who they are alone and can't handle being with what's left of themselves.

powerpack · « **Reply #41 on:** March 28, 2009, 10:29:23 PM »

Quote from: Migs on March 28, 2009, 06:45:03 PM

i'm not on the same wave lentgh as lynchie or drkaje. I feel pain, lots of it. Having a broken car and a broken relationship are two very different matters, IMO

Yup

Lynchie · « **Reply #42 on:** March 29, 2009, 03:50:23 AM »

When I was younger, I had this great passion, fell in love quickly, the break ups were spectacular, the pain almost left me curling on the bathroom floor. These days, I'm far more careful with my heart. Basically, a girl have to prove herself to get my love. The previous girl I made a thread about here, I got over within 2 days, by banging my best female friend from years and years. I do the same for her when she breaks up with her numerous boyfriends. I think it's a rejection thing, and by 'getting' with someone else, you somehow subconsciously prove to yourself you are still desirable.

Quickerblade · « **Reply #43 on:** March 29, 2009, 04:01:36 AM »

Good thread.
you need to move on ASAP, dont dwell, dont try patch it up, just move on, keep busy.
Working out is the best thing to, it does make you feel better, and look better.

you cannot just stay at home, cry, eat choclates all day, not only are you lonely, but a fat fuck too.

Girls can talk to eachother all you want, it does not help, it breeds more negativity

get out, go out to a club, bar, talk to anyone..and for fucks sake stop wanting or needing to be with other people, let it just happen.

drkaje · « **Reply #44 on:** March 29, 2009, 06:08:12 AM »

Quote from: powerpack on March 28, 2009, 10:29:23 PM

Yup

Things either work or they don't.

Migs · « **Reply #45 on:** March 29, 2009, 06:27:33 PM »

Quote from: drkaje on March 28, 2009, 08:28:03 PM

It's hard to say. I always wonder how much of people's reactions to breakups are from having lost their identity in the relationship versus really being broken hearted.

Don't get it twisted, now. I'm not saying people don't fall in love, get broken hearted, get their period, miss someone and all the other crap. Merely that many times it seems people have forgotten who they are alone and can't handle being with what's left of themselves.

this isn't a case of losing identity. at least not for me.

Playboy · « **Reply #46 on:** March 30, 2009, 07:48:17 AM »

Quote from: STella on March 25, 2009, 11:47:17 AM

Most of us have probably gone through a break up at one time or another in our lives.

What is the best way you have found to more quickly put it behind you?

Honestly speaking, I find just moving on is best. Go abouts doing your daily activities (job and gym and hanging with close friends) but ultimately move on. There are a lot of good people in this world that will gladly give your good heart a home.