Author Topic: The 150 things we learnt from Commando  (Read 921 times)

Darren Avey

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The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« on: May 22, 2009, 01:18:36 PM »
Ages ago maybe 2-3 years someone posted a great list of things we learnt from commando.
Does anyone have that saved? Could they please post it?

camelisator

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2009, 01:23:29 PM »
Ages ago maybe 2-3 years someone posted a great list of things we learnt from commando.
Does anyone have that saved? Could they please post it?

Fuck off.

-Bennett
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lovemonkey

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2009, 01:25:34 PM »
Fuck off.

-Bennett

The fat french phaggot hath spoken.
from incomplete data

MethodGNA

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2009, 01:26:22 PM »
that contrary to popular belief, chainmail shirts still serve a purpose in battle, and their relevance has not diminished a bit since their heyday in pre-renaissance Europe...??

Emmortal

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2009, 01:27:44 PM »
1) Porsches can "heal" themselves after repeatedly crashing into a Fiat and rolling onto their sides.

2) Two people can crash into a pole at 50 mph, wearing no seatbelts, and walk away.

3) Uzi's do not run out of ammunition until everyone is dead.

4) Being electrocuted will give you superhuman strength.

5) The best place to lock up a hostage is in a large room with balsa wood covering the window openings, with no guards outside the window.

6) The only way to break through balsa wood is with a disassembled doorknob.

7) Cheap airplanes are started by punching the control panel and saying "Fly or DIE!"

8) The best way to discreetly tell someone that people may be out to get him is by flying a military helicopter through the rolling mountains of Southern California to meet him.

9) Three men in a van can easily survive an explosion caused by a rocket being shot into the van's gas tank.

10) You can't just unbutton someone's shirt. You have to rip it open, and hold it open while talking to them.

11) A man's center of gravity does not change when picking up another man and holding him at arm's length.

12) Surplus stores have enough equipment to blow up an entire compound.

13) The only way to break into a surplus store is by driving your handy bulldozer through the front of it, for everyone to see.

14) However, no one will see what happened in (13).

15) A Ford Bronco with no brakes can still brake.

16) A Ford Bronco will explode three times upon rollover.

17) Tranquilizer darts are instantaneously effective.

18) One can walk about an airplane during takeoff if he claims that he is airsickand holding his guts.

19) Old Fiats are as fast as new Porsches.

20) Explosives set on the outside of a building will cause the building to explode from the inside.

21) Upon being scalped by circular saw blade, one becomes instantly pale.

22) Opening the hatch to gain access to the landing gear won't set off any warnings in the cockpit, even in a pressurized airplane that's about to take off.

23) Shopping malls have about 100 inept security guards apiece.

24) The best place to secretly exchange false documents for a briefcase-full of money is in a very public bar in a very public shopping mall.

25) Upon being blown up by a hand grenade, one does an acrobatic somersault.

26) Upon being shot, one acts like a cartoon character tripping backwards over a step.

27) Hedges deflects bullets.

28) If your daughter is being held hostage on an island, you should blow up every building on that island except one, because chances are she'll be in that one.

29) . If a team of ex-soldiers is given new identities and relocated, most of them will be given lousy jobs (car salesman, fishing boat worker), but the leader gets a big house in the mountains . And the psychotic guy who got kicked off the team will get a new identity too, for some reason.

30) If a large truck comes barreling down a mountain toward you while you are driving, you should not brake. Instead, you should just say, "he's gonna hit us!" and keep driving at the same speed.

31)When your plot includes the assassination of the leader of some foreign country and kidnapping a little girl you should wear low profile clothes, like chain mail, dog's chain on your neck, moustache and black leather pants.

32) When your plot includes the assassination of… you don't shoot a lethal Special Forces -guy when you have the chance. You challenge him into a knife fight instead.

33) When you're having sex in a motel room, you're not supposed to stop or get worried when you hear a gunshot and sounds of fighting in the next room.

34) If you are/were in Special Forces/Green Berets etc. you're huge.

35) If you are/were in Special Forces, you have superhuman senses and you can break a chain with your bare hands.

36) If you're from Austria and you need a false identity, the military gives you a common Austrian name like "John Matrix"

37)You can take a rocket launcher off a wall, give it to someone and then another one will magically reappear on the wall.

38)Shopping mall decorations can be used to swing from one side of to the mall to the other even though the person who is swinging on them is is 6ft 2" - 250 pounds!

39)It is possible to hold your eyes open while a plane is hurtling at 150 mph down a runway

40)Thrown like a javelin from a few feet away, a steel pipe can pierce through the chest of a bulky man wearing a chain mail vest and nail him to a huge boiler.

camelisator

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2009, 01:30:29 PM »
The fat french phaggot hath spoken.

Bennett's british you AIDS ridden cock polisher.
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lovemonkey

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2009, 01:33:06 PM »
Bennett's british you AIDS ridden cock polisher.

A little buttsore are we?
from incomplete data

camelisator

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2009, 01:40:08 PM »
We learned that Arnold, is an Aryan man with muscles, just like MemberX!  8)

Since when do dirty black hair brownish Iranians qualify as Aryan?
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lovemonkey

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2009, 01:41:16 PM »
Since when do dirty black hair brownish Iranians qualify as Aryan?

Since fat/flabby french phaggots almost have pro size naturally  ::)
from incomplete data

camelisator

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2009, 01:47:11 PM »
Hahahahaha The ignorance in your post is quite funny.  :D

That's the supposedly "historical" meaning of "Indo Aryan". Come down to fallbrook and claim Aryanism. You won't make it back to the bus stop.

Not to mention Airport security.
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Mr Nobody

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #10 on: May 22, 2009, 03:07:34 PM »
Ages ago maybe 2-3 years someone posted a great list of things we learnt from commando.
Does anyone have that saved? Could they please post it?

This seems GAY >:(

tommywishbone

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Re: The 150 things we learnt from Commando
« Reply #11 on: May 22, 2009, 03:34:50 PM »
Bennet bump
a