Boy- Wilbur
Horace
Dagwood
Dartanian
Girl- Mildred
Gertrude
Eunice
I would want to help my daughters stay as "pure" as they can, so I like the names you have for girls. I would also consider Ruth, Beulah, or Florence. Any name that no one would scream in ectasy might keep the boys away for a while.
I just assumed your son would be Sexual Mustard, Jr. (or III if you are, in fact, a junior)
Great name you have there, by the way...I'm still laughing about the drawing you did of the Planet Fitness "c.unt"