A BIGGER DOUCHEBAG THAN THE GUY WITH THE POPPED COLLAR AND SUNGLASSES INDOORS
"It’s just one of those moments where – you know I lost two fights in a row, and I was in a state where I told myself, ‘There’s no way I can lose this fight.’" - Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou, explaining his refusal to stop pounding Jan Nortje after the referee stepped in. (MMA Junkie)
"I got [Nortje] on the ground, just like I thought I would do, and I was pounding and I didn’t want to stop. But I should have stopped." - Sokoudjou, a little more revealing than Mike Tyson.
"There’s no bad blood. He’s been nice. We’ve run into each other, and every time he’s always been a gentlemen. I feel like a douchebag doing it. I’m really sorry for it." - Sokoudjou, living up to his Japanese image of a savage African beast.
A BIGGER UPSET THAN MY MOM THROWING AWAY MY BASEBALL CARD COLLECTION
"These guys have no idea what they're getting their hands on. I don't give a fuck if he's won 100 fights or one fight." - Joe Warren, leading up to his fight with Japanese mega-star Norifumi "KID" Yamamoto. (Pro MMA Radio)
"He called me up and said, 'We know how to beat this guy. We've been training to beat this guy for a long time. He's been backing out of fights with us for he last three years. You're going to kick the shit out of him. We'll take care of you.'" - Warren, describing his training with former WEC featherweight champ Urijah Faber. Fortunately, Warren wasn't fighting current WEC featherweight champ, Mike Brown.
"He's smaller than me and no one ever puts pressure on him. Half the battle is going to be me staying in good position with my hands when he gives an opening. It's me versus him. One person wins and one person loses, and I don't lose, so I'm feeling pretty good." - Warren, with the expert strategy of "don't lose."
A BIGGER LETDOWN THAN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
"Got too hyped and punted Jacare in his head Wanderlei Silva style." - Jason "Mayhem" Miller, tweeting about his "no contest" against Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza. (Twitter)
"Jacare calls me a clown and disrespects me all the time, headbutted me and opened a cut on my eye." - Miller, defending himself on the Underground. When's he ever called you a clown? (The Underground)
"I trained three months for this clown to come and do what he did, now I won’t fight in July, not for a while. I’ll take a rest and wait." - Souza. There it is. (Tatame)
"He is proving that he isn’t a person of only one face, he is two-faced." - Souza, on Mayhem being apologetic following the fight, but talking smack in interviews since. Also, I love translations.
MORE FAKE HYPE THAN SUMMERSLAM
"'Hate' is a very powerful word, I know. It gets thrown around a lot when people don't really mean it, like 'Aw, I hate mustard!' or 'Aw, I hate this song.' But I hate my opponent at UFC 99."" - Marcus Davis. I've set a line at -500 that him and Dan Hardy embrace following their fight regardless of the finish. And only weirdos hate mustard. (UFC.com)
"This is not an act." - Hardy. Yes, it is. (Watch Kalib Run)
"I don't like the fact that he thinks he has some kind of hold over the U.K." - Hardy, neither do I. Nor do I like his weird Irish pride. Cut it out.
A POORER STRATEGY THAN NAPOLEON AT WATERLOO, HITLER'S TWO FRONTS, AND SEAN SHERK AT UFC 98
"In the prefight press conference, I heard Rashad say that he didn’t bring anybody in who would resemble Machida’s style. When I heard that, I knew that there might be some problems." - Former UFC welterweight champ Matt Hughes, pointing out an obvious flaw in Rashad Evans' training camp. (Matt-Hughes.com)
"If I was to coach Rashad against Machida, I would have told him to make it a fight, use his wrestling and groundwork to really dictate the match." - Hughes. Yeah, you know, fight to your advantages. Complex stuff.
"Rashad ran the whole time. I don't know if he got out there and threw the gameplan out and gave him too much respect after one of those hits." - Shawn Tompkins. It's crazy to hear Lyoto's opponent be accused of running away. (Cage Writer)
"I'm going to go to three of the best karate schools in the area, get their best guys and work that timing, because that's all it is." - Tompkins, joining a long line of the deluded.
A BIGGER DEBACLE THAN SURVIVOR SERIES '97
"It was the toughest one to call, because you don't see the face of the guy receiving the punch. You have to look with the body, so basically, I based my judgment on Mr. Nover's reaction. When he went face-first in the mat with his arms behind him, I decided to stop the fight." - Yves Lavigne, defending his stoppage of the Bradley/Nover fight at UFC 98. (Sherdog)
"I know it looks bad. I know some people on the Internet said I re-start[ed] that fight. I never re-start[ed] that fight. I didn't want to receive a kick in the face and get knocked out. When the fighter doesn't really comply, what am I supposed to do? I think the step back was the best way in order to stop the fight." - Lavigne, not making the best case for himself. I suppose the best thing to do if a fighter doesn't comply is just let him beat the shit out of the other guy, right?
CLIMBING HIGHER THAN HUNTER THOMPSON AT A NATIONAL DRUG CONVENTION
"When I started, I just wanted to be able to say I did it. I just thought, 'I want to try this once, because I'm a fan.' And then once I had fought once I thought, 'Well, if I get to five fights, then I can say I'm a veteran of the sport.' And then once I had five fights I thought, 'I want to make it to the UFC so I can say I fought in the biggest show in the world.' And then when I did that I thought, 'I've always wanted to fight in Japan.' So I went over and did that. And then I started thinking I might be able to get myself into position to where I'm in the Top 3 in the world. And then once I did that I got my title shot, and there you go, I'm the No. 1 guy." - WEC featherweight champ Mike Brown, planning to challenge Anderson Silva after a successful title defense. (MMA Fanhouse)
MORE WEIGHT ISSUES THAN OPRAH ON A CUPCAKE BENDER
"I fight at 185lbs. If they want to do this fight at 185lbs, it's done, otherwise I see no option to go up, because he isn't a challenge, a man without much name." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Vitor Belfort, on his rumored upcoming fight with former (?) Dream middleweight champ Gegard Mousasi. (Watch Kalib Run)
"I am very surprised that Belfort was willing to challenge Fedor at heavyweight yet it unwilling to fight me at a catchweight." - Mousasi, owning Belfort harder than he will in the ring.
"But for me, his comments are strange because his paycheck will be unchanged whether he fights a bigger name than me or not. It is also strange that he does not see me as a challenge when many rankings have me ranked higher than him at middleweight." - Mousasi. Ouch.
SCARIER THAN JOAN RIVERS WITHOUT MAKEUP
"I remember when I first saw him, I was scared to death of him." - Stephan Bonnar, on Mark Coleman. Bonnar's now scared of unassuming looking Brazilians of Japanese descent. (NWI)
"I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm scared. This guy is huge." - Jose Canseco, before his fight with Hong Man Choi. (Sherdog)
MORE LINES THAN A COCAINE ADDICT
"The guy gets the munchies and entire farming communities go out of business." - Michael "The Mouth" Schiavello, on Bob Sapp. (HDNet Dream 9 Telecast)
"Mousasi KO'd Musashi like a two dollar pinata." - Schiavello
"Hideo Tokoro, more subs than the U.S. Navy." - Schiavello
"Always amazing that Imanari's propensity for going for a leglock or a heel hook has become as predictable as a Tara Reid nipple slip, but opponent's still fall for it." - Schiavello
"At five-foot-four, he's small enough to milk a cow standing up." - Schiavello, on Norifumi "KID" Yamamoto.
"He could beat the sun in a staring contest." - Schiavello, on Joe Warren.
"It happened years ago at a Muay Thai show in Melbourne on Fox Sports. The emcee was brand new and my director asked me to give him some instructions. Anyway at the end of the main event the emcee goes to the loser of the fight to talk to him. I flicked off my mic, flicked on the talkback to the emcee's earpiece and said, 'Nah fuck him, go interview the winner...' ... lo and behold if you listen closely, even though my mic was off, you can hear me say this on air!" - Schiavello, relaying his most embarassing on-air moment. (Bloody Elbow)
WHITE NOISE
"I would never cross-promote." - UFC President Dana White. This answer changes in 2001. (Edge Boston)
"If he came over and wanted to fight I’d do a deal with him in a minute. You know we’ve been chasing him since we bought Pride." - White, on WAMMA heavyweight champ Fedor Emelianenko.
"In my opinion, I think it’s going to happen. He’d be crazy not to. I mean, why not? He’ll come over here and make a bunch of money and maybe even win the title and go down in history as the greatest heavyweight ever." - White, nice to see the optimism and subtle compliment.
PARTING SHOTS
"I’m not scared of anybody in any weight class. I’m scared of not making money!" - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, tweeting about his decision to coach TUF and fight Rashad Evans instead of a title fight with Lyoto Machida. Gotta make that chedda. (Twitter)
"I don’t think I deserve to get suspended for going for a run. I wasn’t gone that long. I was gone maybe an hour. But what do you do?" - Former UFC lightweight champ Sean Sherk, on his disappearing act following his loss to Frank Edgar. Also doesn't think he should have been suspended for steroids because, hey, he only tested positive once! (Sherdog)
"He was just upset that he lost. This is a guy whose only losses were to [Georges] St. Pierre, [B.J.] Penn, and [Matt] Hughes. Now he’s on the first fight of the pay-per-view and he loses and where does he go from here? I sympathize with him." - NSAC executive Keith Kizer. Cold hearted. (Yahoo! Sports)
"I’ve been playing the ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’ game as myself against [Dan Henderson] as part of my mental preparation" - Michael Bisping, with some unorthodox training techniques. (The Sun)
"He needs heart to beat me. Lots of heart." - Cheick Kongo, on upcoming opponent Cain Velasquez, who needs heart or junior high level wrestling. (The Sun)
"Some people like to go away from him, but I'm going to go toe-to-toe with him and see if he can stand it." - Bobby Lashley, on his fight with Bob Sapp. He could also use the Minowaman strategy of just grabbing a limb - any limb - and twisting it a bit.
"In Columbus, Dana White offered me $10,000 to cut it. First it was $5,000, and then $10,000, and I laughed. I told him to add a couple zeros and we'll talk. The hair's here to stay. It's part of my style, part of my trademark." - Clay Guida. Plus, it gives Joe Rogan something to talk about every time you fight. (Cage Writer)
"I’ve been training hard with 'the Cat' and I feel confident that I know what [Machida's] weaknesses are, and how I can exploit them should we meet in the cage." - Former UFC heavyweight champ Mark Coleman. 1) No, you don't. 2) You're almost entitled to an AARP card. 3) YOU'RE TRAINING WITH ERNEST "THE CAT" MILLER. SOMEONE BETTER CALL YOUR MOMMA. Note: Apparently, not a legitimate quote
