Stick signs all over town. SMITH IS A CRAPHOUND. Interview people if they've heard about Smith & hand out buttons. Once the message is out, you actually follow a man named Smith to work one morning and stop him on the street, yell out, "It's Smith! I've got Smith!" and then beat him to a bloody pulp, "YOU CRAPHOUND!" and see if anyone stops you or if they join in.
Dress up as a pirate and go to the pet store for a new parrot.
Ask people in the gym if they could row the other side of that barbell with you because you hurt your back.