American liberals, leftists, social progressives,
socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the layr 1950's, but the
whole of this latest election process has made me realize
I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years
for the sake of the future generations, but sadly, this relationship
has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right so lets end it on friendlt
terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable
differences and go our own way.
Here is the model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by
landmass, each taking a portion. That will be the difficult
part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our
respective representatives can effortlessly divide other
assets since both sides have such distinct ans disparae tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You
are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns
and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'donnell (you are
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough
to move all three of them).
We'll keep the Capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal mart
and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies
anarchists, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan soccer moms, greedy CEO's
and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
You can make nice with Iran and Pakistan and we'll retain the right
to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
war protestors. When our allies or our way of life are under assault
we'll provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to
Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Alec Baldwin. You can have
the U.N. but we will no longer pay the bill
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury
cars. You can take every Subaru wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing
doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll
keep the Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing,
Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We'll keep trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since they so often offend you, we'll keep our history, our name and our
flag. And we won't have to press 1 for English.
IN THE SPIRIT OF FRIENDLY PARTING, I'LL BET YOU CAN ANSWER WHICH ONE OF
US WILL NEED WHOSE HELP IN 15 YEARS.
