Author Topic: In the spirit of Hawking and Quickblade...post your worst sexual encounter story (Read 7389 times)

Wiggs · « **on:** December 17, 2009, 02:17:54 PM »

Go!

Quickerblade · « **Reply #1 on:** December 17, 2009, 02:20:55 PM »

LOL. Go hawkings go

El Diablo Blanco · « **Reply #2 on:** December 17, 2009, 02:25:23 PM »

Easy. I would frequent this night club a lot and there was a cute as hell bartender that worked there. She'd always flirt but it was hard to pick her up at the bar. One night I saw her at the club on an off night and we started chatting it up. She was looking sick hot. She invites me back to her place. We continue drinking and start making out, we head to her bedroom and I slip off her pants and stick my fingers in, when I bring them back up it just stank. Stank as foul old cans of tuna sitting in the sun. Just nasty. My fingers are soaked in this nasty juice. I wipe it all off on her pillow without drawing attention. We fuck but at that point I was not as horny, it was more of a blue balls forced fuck to ensure I blew my load. I left right away. The entire drive home I can smell this stank on me. My hands, my crotch area, just nasty. Even scrubbing in the shower I couldn't seem to scrub this shit off. It was shitty because she was a gorgeous girl, pretty face with nasty hygeine.

Quickerblade · « **Reply #3 on:** December 17, 2009, 02:27:47 PM »

Quote from: mon_of_steele on December 17, 2009, 02:25:23 PM

Easy. I would frequent this night club a lot and there was a cute as hell bartender that worked there. She'd always flirt but it was hard to pick her up at the bar. One night I saw her at the club on an off night and we started chatting it up. She was looking sick hot. She invites me back to her place. We continue drinking and start making out, we head to her bedroom and I slip off her pants and stick my fingers in, when I bring them back up it just stank. Stank as foul old cans of tuna sitting in the sun. Just nasty. My fingers are soaked in this nasty juice. I wipe it all off on her pillow without drawing attention. We fuck but at that point I was not as horny, it was more of a blue balls forced fuck to ensure I blew my load. I left right away. The entire drive home I can smell this stank on me. My hands, my crotch area, just nasty. Even scrubbing in the shower I couldn't seem to scrub this shit off. It was shitty because she was a gorgeous girl, pretty face with nasty hygeine.

that smell is terrible, u need to bathe in anti bacterial foam and let it soak in.

Dreadlifter · « **Reply #4 on:** December 17, 2009, 02:44:26 PM »

I once had the scent of a woman's juices attach itself to my moustache after picking her up in a pub. Thankfull it wasn't as bad as the smell MoS had to endure, but it wasn't right. Washed and washed and washed but it wouldn't go away. Had to shave it off in the end.

I still went back for more next time i bumped into her.

Eyeball Chambers · « **Reply #5 on:** December 17, 2009, 07:43:11 PM »

One time I "hit" the wrong hole....

(her naval, girl weighted 450lbs, imagine how deep and moist it was...)

calfzilla · « **Reply #6 on:** December 17, 2009, 09:59:21 PM »

One day I spent like all day with a girl and didn't get ANYTHING. Worst experience ever. From now on I just buy prostitutes.

Charfman84 · « **Reply #7 on:** December 17, 2009, 10:16:50 PM »

outby43 · « **Reply #8 on:** December 17, 2009, 10:22:58 PM »

Quote from: RPF on December 17, 2009, 07:43:11 PM

One time I "hit" the wrong hole....

(her naval, girl weighted 450lbs, imagine how deep and moist it was...)

god that brings back nightmares for me.

Parker · « **Reply #9 on:** December 17, 2009, 10:36:09 PM »

I guess the worse sexual encounter would be...not getting some.

I hate it when you get the cooter juice on your moustache....

IrishMuscle84 · « **Reply #10 on:** December 18, 2009, 10:05:07 AM »

Ya.....smelly pussy is a turn off. Hmmmm.......worst encounter,i think the only worst/embarassing encounter is probably letting the cannon balls loose too early, Two pump chump. The funniest sexual encounter i had, was pretty much once in a lifetime. This broad was so hammered, she got up to use the bathroom, couldnt even walk, walked right into her tv stand, with a dvd player on top, that came crashing down on her head, hahaa

. Went to the bathroom, 5 min goes by, and shes still in there, i go in to check on her, shes passed out, sitting on the toilet buttnaked, i wake her up, and as soon as shes stands up she falls face first into the door, soo i help her back to the bed, threw a blanket on her and left.

I grabbed her thong for a souvenair, to remember her.

Fuckin hilarious.

dan18 · « **Reply #11 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:09:43 AM »

Quote from: IrishMuscle84 on December 18, 2009, 10:05:07 AM

Ya.....smelly pussy is a turn off. Hmmmm.......worst encounter,i think the only worst/embarassing encounter is probably letting the cannon balls loose too early, Two pump chump. The funniest sexual encounter i had, was pretty much once in a lifetime. This broad was so hammered, she got up to use the bathroom, couldnt even walk, walked right into her tv stand, with a dvd player on top, that came crashing down on her head, hahaa . Went to the bathroom, 5 min goes by, and shes still in there, i go in to check on her, shes passed out, sitting on the toilet buttnaked, i wake her up, and as soon as shes stands up she falls face first into the door, soo i help her back to the bed, threw a blanket on her and left. I grabbed her thong for a souvenair, to remember her. Fuckin hilarious.

she told me the cat knocked it over fucking bitch

IrishMuscle84 · « **Reply #12 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:21:45 AM »

Quote from: dan18 on December 18, 2009, 11:09:43 AM

she told me the cat knocked it over fucking bitch

Purple Aki · « **Reply #13 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:30:18 AM »

Last Easter i was very drunk and shagged a chick who was so fucking fat and sweaty it was like trying to hump a bouncy castle covered in washing up liquid.

In my inebriated state I thought it would be a good idea to go down on her - it was like licking the end of a battery - and afterwards the heifer refused to suck me off. At one point I was drunkenly smashing her with all the enthusiasm of a horny Jack Russell, only to be asked "is it in yet?"

Waking up next to it in the morning and the walk of shame home was possibly the lowest point of my life.

Mars · « **Reply #14 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:31:39 AM »

a sex act on a cat?

mass 04 · « **Reply #15 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:43:13 AM »

Wiggs · « **Reply #16 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:47:58 AM »

Quote from: Purple Aki on December 18, 2009, 11:30:18 AM

Last Easter i was very drunk and shagged a chick who was so fucking fat and sweaty it was like trying to hump a bouncy castle covered in washing up liquid.

In my inebriated state I thought it would be a good idea to go down on her - it was like licking the end of a battery - and afterwards the heifer refused to suck me off. At one point I was drunkenly smashing her with all the enthusiasm of a horny Jack Russell, only to be asked "is it in yet?"

Waking up next to it in the morning and the walk of shame home was possibly the lowest point of my life.

LOL

Great stuff!

dan18 · « **Reply #17 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:52:22 AM »

Quote from: IrishMuscle84 on December 18, 2009, 11:21:45 AM

dvd player ''genius'' way to fuck up a joke

Mars · « **Reply #18 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:52:55 AM »

"and you are.. how old?"

Red Hook · « **Reply #19 on:** December 18, 2009, 11:57:40 AM »

Once I met this chic in a Vegas hotel next to the ice machine.

Gave me some great words of wisdom:

1. It is only gay If only you want it to be.
2. Craig Titus is an ass hole that is destined for jail.
3. Buy as many Pirate suits as you can, they will never go out of style.

Mars · « **Reply #20 on:** December 18, 2009, 12:00:26 PM »

"and you think its appropriate for a guy of your age to have sex with a 14 year old girl?"
"no sir..."

Dreadlifter · « **Reply #21 on:** December 18, 2009, 12:07:15 PM »

Quote from: IrishMuscle84 on December 18, 2009, 10:05:07 AM

Ya.....smelly pussy is a turn off. Hmmmm.......worst encounter,i think the only worst/embarassing encounter is probably letting the cannon balls loose too early, Two pump chump. The funniest sexual encounter i had, was pretty much once in a lifetime. This broad was so hammered, she got up to use the bathroom, couldnt even walk, walked right into her tv stand, with a dvd player on top, that came crashing down on her head, hahaa . Went to the bathroom, 5 min goes by, and shes still in there, i go in to check on her, shes passed out, sitting on the toilet buttnaked, i wake her up, and as soon as shes stands up she falls face first into the door, soo i help her back to the bed, threw a blanket on her and left. I grabbed her thong for a souvenair, to remember her. Fuckin hilarious.

Lol at the souvenir.

you reminded me of another time. A girl i'd missed tapping a few years back, i got a text out of the blue how she'd found out her boyfriend had been cheating on her. I capitalised on the situation (was that wrong of me?) and gave it the whole "i think you should forget him and have some fun with me". She'd had a bottle of wine and answered the door in a towel when i got there(as i'd requested). Skipt to a couple of hours later, i'd fucked her on the couch, fucked her again moving from the couch to the bedroom then fell asleep after i'd shot my load again. I fell asleep but was woken up by a crash which turned out to be her falling into the tv unit in the corner of the bedroom. i ask her if she's ok to which she replies " mmm hmm" then proceeds to vomit over the floor, bed, my clothes lying on the floor and me. (pink vomit on a cream carpet- lovely!) Makes it to the bathroom where she's sick for what seems like hours, showers, cleans her teeth and then comes back to bed. I'd have left by this point if i hadn't been drinking too, but i was stuck there so i just figured i'd go back to sleep. Next thing i know she's at my dick again. I figured she'd had me twice already and a third round was beyond me, but i was wrong. she was handy with her mouth(though i was worrying about setting off another vomiting episode), got me going again so she got another pounding. After that i got back to sleep, put my vomit stained clothes on in the morning and said my goodbyes. Left her to hope she could get that stain out of the carpet.

Mars · « **Reply #22 on:** December 18, 2009, 12:08:50 PM »

"hanging out with a 14 year old girl??"

Smokincrazy · « **Reply #23 on:** December 18, 2009, 12:15:19 PM »

We picked up a girl that worked at a Fotomat (used to be in the parking lots of malls) My buddies and I were smoking herb and drinking at a friends house. This chick says she wants to drink and party. We get her smashed. She starts flirting and dick grabbing. She starts with one guy and ended up with 4 at once by the end. She got crushed for 4 hours and my buddy smoked her Newports each time he would come out to take a break. He smoked like two packs. After everyone is finally done she comes out of the bedroom looking like she got hit with a cum hurricane. She reaches for her purse and was saying how bad she needed a cigarette. My buddy left her two empty packs. She looked so defeated. I felt bad and rode her to the mini mart for a couple new packs. Even I felt bad for her

and Im rough with chicks

dan18 · « **Reply #24 on:** December 18, 2009, 12:15:58 PM »

Quote from: Mars on December 18, 2009, 12:08:50 PM

"hanging out with a 14 year old girl??"

mars who are you talking too