Author Topic: FML when you think you're having a bad day (Read 3893 times)

spinnis · « **on:** December 22, 2009, 03:32:07 AM »

http://www.fmylife.com/

Someone out there is having a waaay worse one lol.

"Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML"

spinnis · « **Reply #1 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:33:20 AM »

"Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML"

spinnis · « **Reply #2 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:34:59 AM »

"Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML"

spinnis · « **Reply #3 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:36:39 AM »

hahahahaha

"Today, my white mother in law called our house phone. Since I'm Chilean and have a fairly heavy accent, she mistook me for the cleaning lady and scolded me for answering the phone. Before I could correct her, she said "this is why only white people should be allowed in America" and hung up. FML"

I can keep this thread going all by myself lol

spinnis · « **Reply #4 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:40:15 AM »

"Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML"

Method101 · « **Reply #5 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:43:32 AM »

Kwon · « **Reply #6 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:43:52 AM »

LOL! Good ones Swede!

spinnis · « **Reply #7 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:44:41 AM »

hopefully she dies

"Today, I called my fiance and found out she is 9 weeks pregnant. I had been in Iraq for over 6 months. I also found out her and her new boyfriend already spent most of my $30,000 re-enlistment bonus on a new car and a trip to Las Vegas. FML"

spinnis · « **Reply #8 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:46:15 AM »

"Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML"

spinnis · « **Reply #9 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:47:09 AM »

hahaha

"Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidently drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML"

WingedLion · « **Reply #10 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:47:51 AM »

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.”

just_a_pilgrim · « **Reply #11 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:49:48 AM »

FML is fucking awesome

so is textsfromlastnight.com

mlia.com (my life is average)

or check out lamebook.com for all the facebook shit

spinnis · « **Reply #12 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:50:08 AM »

"Today, I was walking slowly and awkwardly down the stairs on my crutches. After two steps, a screw fell out of the left crutch and it collapsed. I now have a broken arm from trying to protect my broken leg as I tumbled down two flights of stairs. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML"

spinnis · « **Reply #13 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:53:50 AM »

"Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML"

$:-\$

spinnis · « **Reply #14 on:** December 22, 2009, 03:58:45 AM »

"Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML"

Stark · « **Reply #15 on:** December 22, 2009, 04:01:12 AM »

Quote from: Swede! on December 22, 2009, 03:33:20 AM

"Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML"

lolol

Some of them are made up you can tell but funny neverless

spinnis · « **Reply #16 on:** December 22, 2009, 04:01:24 AM »

lol!

"Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML"

Stark · « **Reply #17 on:** December 22, 2009, 04:04:52 AM »

Quote from: Swede! on December 22, 2009, 04:01:24 AM

lol!

"Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML"

hahaha

spinnis · « **Reply #18 on:** December 22, 2009, 04:06:28 AM »

priceless!

"Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML"

garebear · « **Reply #19 on:** December 22, 2009, 05:00:16 AM »

Quote from: Swede! on December 22, 2009, 04:06:28 AM

priceless!

"Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML"

Motorboated? HAHA.

Hulkster · « **Reply #20 on:** December 22, 2009, 05:25:02 AM »

Quote

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting busy when all of the sudden he paused and looked me dead in the eye. He said "stop," then farted, followed by, "hammer time." And resumed the pounding. FML

hahhahahahaa

leadhead · « **Reply #21 on:** December 22, 2009, 05:55:10 AM »

Quote from: Hulkster on December 22, 2009, 05:25:02 AM

hahhahahahaa

Priceless! I actually can see a friend of mine doing this too $:-\$

ksa_triceps · « **Reply #22 on:** December 22, 2009, 06:02:44 AM »

I had the app on my iphone. I wasn't buying half the stuff i read.

HICKSON · « **Reply #23 on:** December 23, 2009, 12:14:42 PM »

Went to the emergency room for a ruptured appendix, came out of surgery missing right arm. I was born without a left arm & my appendix is still ruptured oh and my dad told me my mom passed away while in surgery. FML

Author Topic: FML when you think you're having a bad day (Read 3893 times)

spinnis

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