Dude totally serious post.
If you're trying to cut weight, you should maybe check out the "anabolic diet". Might be more up your alley.
I've been on it for 2 weeks already (before I was on a "clean" diet like you posted), and this shit is bomb!
But basically you eat super low carb during the week (less than 30 grams/day), but you fill up mostly on red meat, sausage, cheese etc.
Its a high fat, med protein, low carb diet. The split is like 60/30/10 Fat/Protein/Carbs.
So basically you can eat shit like sausage, burger patties, cheese, bacon etc. and some veggies here and there.
So you eat low protein for 5 days, then on the weekend you carb up (pretty much whatever you want), but on the carb up days you go low protein.
This diet has been working great for me (already cut bodyfat, increased testosterone + strength), but the ONLY CAVEAT IS YOU PRETTY MUCH CANNOT EVEN LOOK AT A PIECE OF BREAD THE WRONG WAY ON YOUR LOW CARB DAYS OR THIS DIET WILL MAKE YOU A FATASS!!!
Its a double edge sword, eat carbs during the 5 days and you're fucked.
But to be honest when you are eating shit like bacon, cheese, red meat etc. carbs seem pretty easy to avoid. Unless your lack of willpower is sickening.
True story bro. Sounds crazy but it works (you can google Anabolic Diet).
