Why do the bangin chicks gotta be the crazy ones?

[Captain Equipoise]

Funny story.

When I was in 8th grade, i had a girlfriend.  This was a legit girlfriend, my very first one.  We all had girls we called girlfriends before that but this was a legit one that i was actually sexually attracted to for the first time.

The reason i bring this story up was because she had the same exact build as this girl that Parker posted.  Same torpedo tits, slightfly fucked up face, little chubby but not too bad, and best of all only 13 (8th grade, once again).  But she was white.

Anyways, we were dating for a week.  in 8th grade terms, this is equivalent to a 8 year relationship.  She calls me after school, we talk about some teachers, laugh, what not.  I fall madly in love with her.  Anyways, friday afternoon, i go up to her.

Me:"Do you want to go by the mall this weekend?"
Her: "No, baby, I can't".

Yes, she called me baby, which would give me even more of a boner.

Me:  "ok then, call me, i'll talk to you all weekend and see you in school monday".
Her:  "sure thing baby".

So, that weekend, i go to the mall by myself (we lived right behind it, so i'd walk over there and look around).  There she was... ON A DATE WITH A BLACK GUY NAMED PONCE!

I remember his name was Ponce because it was a stupid ass name i'll never forget.  He looked like Bokeem Woodbine. For those of you who know who that is, you know he's ugly as shit too. I just stood there in shock, and didn't know what to do.  The love of my life was going out with a black guy!  To make things worse, he was one of like 3 black kids in the whole county!  I knew about the stereotypes and i was pretty sure i was going to get a handjob that weekend!

So i see them, they're walking towards me, so i run up the escalator to watch them so they can't see me.  As i'm running up, i don't know what to do so i start crying so loud!  I'm screaming like an infant!  Ponce looks up and waves at me completely oblivious (i wasn't friends with him, he just knew me from school).  I run away , arms flailing and all.

Monday, i go back to school devastated.  I remember i didn't even wash my Chicago bulls 3x world champions hat (it was 1994).  I just stood there, put my hat on and cried.

She walks up to me and goes "baby what's wrong?"
And i yell at the top of my lungs "I saw you holding hands with Ponce!"

Incidentally, this is when my voice cracked for the first time.

I was so fucking embarassed and i blame this for me being a racist to this day.

I want my 3 minutes back!!   

[Tapeworm]

Exactly. It's not like we're the first group to figure this shit out. They had, like, operas about this nuttiness 00's of years ago.  

/crazy in the head/ amazing in bed.   

Moth & flame. 

[dr.chimps]

Moth & flame. 

*Stands up tall*   Je ne regrette rien. 

[drkaje]

*Stands up tall*   Je ne regrette rien. 

I'm not going to bother guessing how many non-gay members get the Edith Piaf joke and go to bed now.

[Tapeworm]

I'm not going to bother guessing how many non-gay members get the Edith Piaf joke and go to bed now.

But.  Oh no!  Better eat me a raw steak and run some power tools.

[Parker]

Well, by modern day definetion. It is an older woman most likely in her 40's that persues younger men around mid 20's and younger usually for sexual gratification. By the way, its not my definition.  I didn't make it up pop culture did. By pop culture definition you are not a cougar.

My definition of cougar is a woman in her 40's and up who is either divorced, cheating on her husband, on her 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriage, a milf, or wannabe milf, desperately insecure, miles and baggage on her and her cooter, who seeks younger men, because they are not hip to the mentally unstable fuck ups that these women are. Men see cooter, women see a new test driver. Remember used Ferrari, new owner, who is younger--but hey it's a Ferrari (until you see the maintenance)