Self publish and do your own marketing. As long as it doesn't look like you wrote it with crayon, you can get Barnes and Noble to carry it without too much effort. Amazon will pretty much carry anything with an ISBN, which costs about $50 if you self publish.
If you sell your book for $29.00, with a retail of $9.99-14.99 depending on volume, you don't even need to be a best seller to make solid money. If you can sell 5,000 books a year through all the various online sites, bookstores, etc., you're looking at $75,000 a year just in book sales for that book.
Bang out another piece of shit every year or so and that number will continue to climb as distributers re-up old books and your new book count increases.
Unless you pop out 8 kids and find a way to be on TV while your marriage turns into a train wreck, there's no money in books. Publishers will take all the "good" rights. They might let you keep the book rights, but they'll take over everything else, especially the movie rights. So, if your shitpile of papers actually ends up a best seller, you get to watch your publisher make all the money.
