I was so inspired by Blockhead's inspiring piece about the day in the life of a female fitness model that I decided to follow a young male "physique athlete" (let's call him "Salvatore""Rico") and document his action throughout the day.
What the reader will get is the point of view of what life is like for a 31 year old man with no kids or responsibilities whatsoever.............e xcept his hair-that's alot of responsibility right there
3:30am- Alarm buzzes. Rico takes his ECA (with a tab of Yohimbine), puts on "Xvest" and drives to high school track to do 100m sprints. Looks in Fridge- no whip cream. Shopping list- Whip cream
4:00am- makes it to track but doesnt park in the high school parking lot. A hispanic looking male getting out of a 350z at 400am sets off alot of panic and the cops have nothing to do so Rico parks near the track and walks to the track
4:03-4:35am- sprints with abs. "Bad Romance" never gets old
5:00am- back home, breakfast (egg whites, vegetables, tablesppon of olive oil). Watches howardTV while eating. Did the stern show get Rico's email about dating robin? Not that Rico likes Robin-he just will do anything to get on that show so he can meet bababooey
5:30am- brushes teeth. Maybe Rico needs to tan more to make his teeth whiter. God, Rico hopes that that girl who looks like Snooki is working at the tanning place
5:45 no txts...not even from that ugly girl from plenty of fish....bitch
6:00am shower- Does Rico condition his hair today cuz he shampoo'd yesterday. Why not. Shave legs and everything else..but mostly legs cuz today is "Butt day" at the gym and Rico will be wearing shorts. Also, makes sure butt cheeks are shaved cuz it is Friday night and he may have a bachlorette party to work tonight
6:15am- Rico looks in the mirror-"Yeah, that tattoo will look awesome there"
7:00am-9:00am- beat off to himself sucking the tits of that girl who kinda sorta might look like a hot version of his mom at the gym. It won't happen because Rico actually might like respect her as a person and doesn't want her to have to deal with a jerk off like himself. after he beats off- nap
930am protein shake with olive oil
930am-10:00pm- reads book about the clitoris cuz if Rico is gonna take a shot at "Straight Hustling" (again) he is gonna have to know about the clitoris like a fat person knows about cake
10:00am moisturize.
11:00am drives to gym and calls his dad-not cuz he cares but Rico wants to stay in daddy's good graces so he will get his money after dad passes away. Can 90K buy some sort of land in Vegas
11:02am to 11:30 am bullshit with jabroni's who work at the gym. Rico actually works at the gym but is on a "leave of absence" granted by his boss to get himself clean from his Vicoden problem. Rico may have a "man-crush" on his tattoo'd, muscular, rugged boss-not gay, btw
11:05am Rico gets txt from old Personal training client "Beth"- She doesn't have money so Rico will tell her, bluntly, that she will train her in exchange for sex. Rico isn't a bad guy but "Beth" is good "practice girl" material and Rico needs to get his "timing" back down after a bit of a "dry spell". Rico notes to himself that "Beth" is a bit of a "drama queen/crier" so he might have to tread lightly while letting her know that he is not gonna be her "boyfriend". Plus, "Beth" has a full back piece tattoo so she is, most likely, fucked up
11:30am protein shake and olive oil. Should Rico fuck that girl who works at the gym's daycare who has been in love with him since she saw pictures of him from a bachlorette party he did for her best friend last year. Rico knows that it is a sure thing BUT she has no money, is a "earth chick" so she probably has a hairy bush and c) honestly, she seems like a nice girl- no need to break her heart
11:30am-2:00pm Workout 2- Back, Bi's, "Butt", Abs, Cardio- Rico doesn't train "Legs"- rather, he does Leg exercises that accentuate his glute muscles and his legs will get whatever residual hypertrophy from said excercises. Cardio consists of Tabata Burpees and Interval Build up running in the adjacent empty hallway of the gym. Seriously, "bad romance"never gets old
2:01pm protein shake and olive oil
2:02pm cks messages. Message from entertainment company- calls other boss- bachlorette party at 900pm. Rico needs to go tan now rather than later so bronzer will set in right cuz bronzer and whip cream doesn't work right
2:30pm tanning bed- snooki isn't working. Seriously, she is so short she could suck Rico's dick without getting her knees
2:35pm applies bronzer before tanning- Yeah- the girls at the tanning place sooo think Rico is gay
2:45pm moisturize. Realizes that kids are starving in Africa while he moisturizes. Rico doesn't feel bad for the kids because if they wanted food then, maybe, they should move away a place where there is nothing but fucking sand
3:00pm Yeah, nothing is more weird looking than a over tan man buying six containers of whip cream and a bunch of travel size containers of baby oil and a white bath towel. Oh, don't forget distilled water for tommorow
3:30pm internet. Did the stern show write back- no. Ah that one girl (who is actually a real girl and not a gay guy pretending to be a girl) wrote back- she might like me....YEAH RIGHT- nobody loves Rico.
3:45pm Rico finds out that friend from Independent wrestling scene was found dead. Trent was a good guy and like "the Horse" too much. Rico doesn't have a addiction--just a "habit". "Habits" can be broken- kinda like how picking your nose is a "habit" but you eventually stop doing that
4:00pm "Nobody needs to love you, Rico...Keep on loving yourself"
4:15pm- Checks mail- Taylor Lautner on the Cover of GQ? Rico might be a bit of a male butterface but he is WAY handsomer than that asshole
4:300pm- protein shake olive oil
4:45pm- checks "Craig's list's" adult gigs section for NYC- too much gay stuff right now. At least, given Rico's okay financial situation, he can turn down those type of gigs much more easily (even that 1500 from that guy who wants to get face fucked by rico.....Rico stays on "good terms" with him just in case though)
5:00pm to 8:00 pm brushes teeth, takes "prep shower" which means only cleaning dick, balls, taint and asshole as they will be in several stangers faces tonight. Don't clean rest of body cuz bronzer is needs to still "set in". Seriously, that Snooki girl wants it. Gets CD ready for "performance", puts on Cop uniform, makes sure there is a little tear in wifebeater so it is easier for him to rip off. Which thong to wear tonight? Hmm the black sheer one is nice but very "stringy". Rico still opts for that one anyway
8:00pm Rico leaves apartment for performance that is like 30minutes away. Wonders if his neighbors question if a man with long, side bangs could really be a cop
8:30pm Rico stops at Mcdonalds close to performance site to use the bathroom so he can "tye off". "Tying off" is a intracate process that gives Rico something that is equivalent to a encased sausage. Without giving away to many of his "secrets" this reporter can tell you that "Tying off" involves Ky Jelly, a rubber band and the memory of Rico's 9th grade Biology teacher (who was a woman btw)
9:00pm makes it to performance site on time. Rico notices that it is alot of Black girls are at the party. Rico knows that this is gonna be a real good time and doesn't have to worry about offending anyone by getting fully nude cuz black girls are dirty/very fun
10:00pm Performance ends. Tips are picked up off the ground. Rico tells the girls at the party (after the party) that his real name is Julian and he strips part time only so he can save up money to open up a karate school for underprivileged kids. Rico realizes that he doesn't have to do the old "i like kids" act with these girls cuz they're black and they will fuck him anyway. That "wanting to better the community" act only works on white girls. Before he leaves, Rico scans the apartment to see if there are any "takers" for "after show". None, which is a shock cuz a bj is almost always a given after a show full of spanish and blacks. Leaves site smelling like bronzer, whip cream and shame
10:02pm how hard will the cops laugh at a "attempted rape" accusation from a 31 year old man against a group of black and hispanic girls
10:30pm Rico is back home and showers off the parts of his body that were in contact with beer and whip cream cuz of fair of "transdermal fat gain". Doesn't take full shower cuz of fear of smearing bronzer. God, he wants to fuck Snooki-
10:31pm Rico still doesn't care about starving kids in Africa- FUCK THEM
11:00pm no txt message to go out- tubegalore to the rescue. Rico doesn't beat off though as he wants to save his load for his beat off session in bed and if he beats off now then he would have to wait an hour to "recover" for his "bedtime " beat off session and that would mean he would end up going to bed at like 1:00am
11:15pm Rico considers putting copies Brand new copies of Alan Wake, the new splinter cell game and UFC 2010 0n ebay cuz full back piece tattoos cost alot
11:17pm "will this tattoo on my Illiac crest take away from my abs
11:30pm brush teeth
12:00 am goes to bed- beats off to that light skinned girl from the party but false asleep before cumming
