I kind of said some crazy things to someone and expressed my neediness and desire and desperation for them. I think I messed it up and destroyed whatever I had. This always happens, I always go off the deep end very quickly in a r'ship cuz I get these strange and deep feelings and almost go insane if those feelings are not returned immediately. But after I ruin it I wish I hadn't and realised I had something good and ruined it in a moment of insanity. Oh, I need help.
I don't know what happens to me. When I ruin it after saying some really crazy things that would scare off any normal person, I feel kind of at peace and ease and "fine" and "normal" again, maybe being single is my destiny. When in a relationship I just go completely nuts very soon, esp if I have real feelings for the girl. I don't even know how to explain what happens to me. I guess when u've live alone for so many years and have limited social interactions u cant handle real relationships or intense feelings anymore.
Getting a first date is relatively easy for me, but I always seem to completely destroy every r'ship I ever get in, I think maybe I shouldn't even bother anymore. I can't handle these highs and lows, constant state of numbness and antidepressants have kept me somewhat sane the past several years. The only people I get along really well with is my rolodex of callgirls, but I know they might just be pretending cuz they're being paid.
Oh life is so strange and confusing. I'm going off the deep end again with strange and crazy thoughts, should probably up the meds.
