Top ten list what you can expect when you become a new father

[Stark]

Here are a couple of things that are bound to happen when you become a father.

1)   Just because the pampers are full doesn’t mean there isn’t enough ammunition left to pee or poo on you.
2)   You’re wife will freak out about EVERYTHING and you need to learn in the first few weeks to deal with it.
3)   Your parents want to hold your new baby every time ANYTIME, even when he/she sleeps and even if you protest.
4)   Your Parents will lecture you any time you do something with the baby, they always know better.
5)   Even if the infants nails look small trust me they are razor sharp and can easily claw out an eye – your eye.
6)   Elderly ladies will stop you on the street to a) look at your baby b) compliment you on your baby c) give you all kind of oldfashioned advice which you have no time or patience to listen too – deal with it.
7)   Pampers are not foolprooved, if you are an idiot you can put them on the wrong way around with hilarious results.
   Your Ipod will become your  best friend if baby cries for no reason.
9)   The best way to see if baby is hungry is to stick the tip of your nose in babies mouth – if it starts sucking like crazy it is hungry – works for me
10)   Cherrish the first few weeks, you are walking on clouds – the greatest feeling there is.

[Figo]

congrats!

you sound happy, probably exhausted too

my time hasnt come yet

[Tapeworm]

My time came and went. 

[240 is Back]

11.  You're gonna miss getting laid.

[Purple Aki]

Have you become oblivious to the fact that you have baby vomit on you, yet?

[Stark]

11.  You're gonna miss getting laid.

Lol maybe in your marriage, I had already a number of blowjobs
Obviously we cannot have full blown angry sex due to the injury which needs 6 weeks to heal but we have made plans already what
to do and she keeps pestering me to man up and give her loads of sex in the future - So again no idea what went on in your marriage but I'm good

Maybe its the age difference? My wife is still quite young (even if that shouldn't make a difference) and demands sex (too much at times since I am lazy but I
am down on playing along as long as I can lie down on the bed and watch her delicious ass jiggle - what can I say I'm an ass person )

[BayGBM]

Here are a couple of things that are bound to happen when you become a father.

1)   Just because the pampers are full doesn’t mean there isn’t enough ammunition left to pee or poo on you.
2)   You’re wife will freak out about EVERYTHING and you need to learn in the first few weeks to deal with it.
3)   Your parents want to hold your new baby every time ANYTIME, even when he/she sleeps and even if you protest.
4)   Your Parents will lecture you any time you do something with the baby, they always know better.
5)   Even if the infants nails look small trust me they are razor sharp and can easily claw out an eye – your eye.
6)   Elderly ladies will stop you on the street to a) look at your baby b) compliment you on your baby c) give you all kind of oldfashioned advice which you have no time or patience to listen too – deal with it.
7)   Pampers are not foolprooved, if you are an idiot you can put them on the wrong way around with hilarious results.
   Your Ipod will become your  best friend if baby cries for no reason.
9)   The best way to see if baby is hungry is to stick the tip of your nose in babies mouth – if it starts sucking like crazy it is hungry – works for me
10)   Cherrish the first few weeks, you are walking on clouds – the greatest feeling there is.

Big tuition bills are in your future!  Start saving ASAP! 

[Stark]

Have you become oblivious to the fact that you have baby vomit on you, yet?

He never vomited to me mate, he is feeding like crazy and sometimes doesn't know when to stop but when I put him
on my shoulders to get a burp out he sometimes looses a tiny bit of milk.
In any case nature has made sure that you don't find your own kids pee or poo or vomit disgusting, now that doesn't
mean I would like to take a bath in it, but I certainly wouldn't put my finger in another kids dippers to test if its full
before we open and change the dippers.

[doison]

1.) You can expect to make new threads to discuss how things have "changed."
2.) You'll be so busy regaling everyone with witty anecdotes about how "crazy" the baby has made the rest of your life that you'll completely forget to prepare for the time when the baby starts crawling/walking and REALLY starts to fuck up your life.
3-10) Other unoriginal crap that will seem like a walk in the park compared to the time when the baby is actually mobile.

[240 is Back]

Lol maybe in your marriage, I had already a number of blowjobs
Obviously we cannot have full blown angry sex due to the injury which needs 6 weeks to heal but we have made plans already what
to do and she keeps pestering me to man up and give her loads of sex in the future - So again no idea what went on in your marriage but I'm good

Maybe its the age difference? My wife is still quite young (even if that shouldn't make a difference) and demands sex (too much at times since I am lazy but I
am down on playing along as long as I can lie down on the bed and watch her delicious ass jiggle - what can I say I'm an ass person )

haha it's easy to get laid when they're little.  Try it when they're 2 or 3, and fall asleep at 10 pm and they're up at 5:30 AM lol...

[Stark]

haha it's easy to get laid when they're little.  Try it when they're 2 or 3, and fall asleep at 10 pm and they're up at 5:30 AM lol...

I bet you anything I have knowing my wife and were we had sex and under what circumstances which I will not discuss here we find a way
All I say since I have married her I have become a member of the skyhigh club on not only one occasion and that was easy shit for her (not for me I am a little bit more
embarrassed and careful).

[Tapeworm]

Quit comparing who has the hornier wife, studs.  Postnatal drop in sex drive is common.  Not sure if prolactin fucks with a woman's cycle and stops ovulation but I've heard it will depress female sex drive and that breast feeding can prolong the issue.

[Mr Nobody]

12. You will get pissed on in the face while changing a diaper.

[saopl]

fuck tuiton, start saving for CHILD SUPPORT! 

[JasonH]

Here are a couple of things that are bound to happen when you become a father.

1)   Just because the pampers are full doesn’t mean there isn’t enough ammunition left to pee or poo on you.
2)   You’re wife will freak out about EVERYTHING and you need to learn in the first few weeks to deal with it.
3)   Your parents want to hold your new baby every time ANYTIME, even when he/she sleeps and even if you protest.
4)   Your Parents will lecture you any time you do something with the baby, they always know better.
5)   Even if the infants nails look small trust me they are razor sharp and can easily claw out an eye – your eye.
6)   Elderly ladies will stop you on the street to a) look at your baby b) compliment you on your baby c) give you all kind of oldfashioned advice which you have no time or patience to listen too – deal with it.
7)   Pampers are not foolprooved, if you are an idiot you can put them on the wrong way around with hilarious results.
   Your Ipod will become your  best friend if baby cries for no reason.
9)   The best way to see if baby is hungry is to stick the tip of your nose in babies mouth – if it starts sucking like crazy it is hungry – works for me
10)   Cherrish the first few weeks, you are walking on clouds – the greatest feeling there is.

That's not Special Ed.

[Master Blaster]

1.) You can expect to make new threads to discuss how things have "changed."
2.) You'll be so busy regaling everyone with witty anecdotes about how "crazy" the baby has made the rest of your life that you'll completely forget to prepare for the time when the baby starts crawling/walking and REALLY starts to fuck up your life.
3-10) Other unoriginal crap that will seem like a walk in the park compared to the time when the baby is actually mobile.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOM!!!!!!

[James Blunt]

Fuck all that having kids shit. 

[newmom]

haha it's easy to get laid when they're little.  Try it when they're 2 or 3, and fall asleep at 10 pm and they're up at 5:30 AM lol...

fuck that 10pm, why on earth are they up at that time..man o man that sucks

[Nails]

1) the wifes tits are going to get bigger
2) she will be hornier since she hasn't really had hardcore sex in 9 months
3) she will have missed swallowing your load
4) her ass will have gotten bigger
5) she will appriciate how less painfull anal sex is then giving birth
6) her tits will squirt all over your face
and thats all i can think of for now

[pedro01]

1.) You can expect to make new threads to discuss how things have "changed."
2.) You'll be so busy regaling everyone with witty anecdotes about how "crazy" the baby has made the rest of your life that you'll completely forget to prepare for the time when the baby starts crawling/walking and REALLY starts to fuck up your life.
3-10) Other unoriginal crap that will seem like a walk in the park compared to the time when the baby is actually mobile.

Agreed - my second one is just getting there...

You missed one

11) Needing to post youtube vids/pics of your kids on forums because you are 'so proud' 

[newmom]

pedro..she is beautiful, sooooo cute how old is your princess

yea everyone told me oh your not gonna like when she is mobile, to be honest it was great

[pedro01]

Thanks for the compliment - she's 8 months old there. Eats like Ronnie Coleman....

[newmom]

Thanks for the compliment - she's 8 months old there. Eats like Ronnie Coleman....

holy crap and she is standing and walking that well..GOOD JOB princess

[bigbadwolfe]

Lol maybe in your marriage, I had already a number of blowjobs

Did you stick your nose in her mouth to see if she was horny

[Master Blaster]

Did you stick your nose in her mouth to see if she was horny

Hey now!