Like many other competitive bodybuilders, I knew from a very young age who I was, I knew this sickness was inside me, and I knew I was different from everybody else. I think I was 10 when I first realized who I was. And at such a young age my parents did not suspect anything, they just thought I was a normal little boy.
But as I got older things changed and my parents were slowly starting to suspect that something was not quite right.
They knew something wasn't right when they started walking in on me reading magazines with pictures of men in thongs, and then they saw me buy my first dumbell set, things were starting to get clearer. But it seemed that they just turned the other way, they were in denial, and wanted to pretend like everything was normal.
My relationship with my father grew more distant each day, and he couldn't even look me in the eye, it was very awkward.... and on those night that he was close to the bottle it was not a pretty experience... he would call me derogatory terms like "pageant boy" and "thong lover" his words hurt, they still pierce my heart just thinking about them.
They saw how late I would stay in the gym, and they grew more concerned, they knew for sure what was happening to me, they know of my disgust.
And then when it came time for my first show, 16 weeks out, I sat down with them, I was about to be as blunt as I possibly could be.... "Mom, dad" I said to them softly "I'm going to be competing at my first bodybuilding show", my mom broke down, she could not contain her tears, my father was speechless, he just got up and walked away not saying a word, "Dad? Father!" I called to him, tears coming down my eyes now, "Dad! Please!" nothing he walked out of the house.... I chased him, I chased him through the front door to the car, "DAD! PLEASE DONT GO" I tried to grab his arm but he just pushed me to the ground, he looked at me in disgust, his eyes were like a novel, a tragedy, he just got in the car and drove away.
I lay there in the rain, with a protein bar in my pocket, and secretly wearing my thong under my jeans.... I have only myself.
As the weeks went by, I got in better shape, I went from being FAT ACH to BIG ACH.... 1 week out, I went to my parents again I gave them the information of the show venue... no response.....
I was sure they were not going to come....
And then, when the men's light heavy weights were called out, I came out.... I stood on stage, sad feeling alone.... and then.... then through the lights... there... in the audience... I saw them... the faces of my parents... smiling... and supporting me... they waved to me and a calm suddenly came to me.. as I stood there half naked in nothing but a thong and covered in pam cooking oil.... for that day..... I was a king!
