ok, big shots. i've not been on in a few days, but i've logged back on and seen the rampant faggotry.
if you are a real man i challenge you to be a man and meet me.
you are so tough, i am willing to meet you and prove you are nothing but a bitch. yes thats right a cowardly bitch.
whos hard enough to prove they are a tough guy
i promise to personally fuck you up.
pm me a meeting place in london - and i will happily meet you and personally knock the fuck out of you. panda style.
im waiting..............
Host: Well HELLO, and welcome, to Hollywonka Squares, the bulllshit and chocolate based game show for all the family.
We have a prize fund of 64,000 pounds, in weight, of Crunchy Kits Kats, all thanks to Nestle. Nestle of course, bringing fuck filled food for all the family for the last fifty years, Mmmmmm!!!
Now, Fatpanda aka Scott, all you have to do is tell us about yourself, and, if you can bluff us with your bullshit, you will be on your way to, not only those Kit Kats, but also, an all expenses paid holiday to Metabolic Syndrome Kingdom, the edge of your seat, additive filled, confectionary fantasy land, brought to us by Nestle.
So, Scott, lets begin, chocolate heaven awaits:
Scott, how old are you?
i'm 34.
Host: Correct!!! Like your mom, that was a nice easy one, to open the show, well done.
Ok, to continue, sex?
im a male.
Host: Aw, I'm sorry, the correct answer was "with hung, top men only"... LOL, only kidding Scott, correct answer!!
Scott, how tall are you?
i'm 5'11-"
Host: Congratulations Scott, only one more answer needed and the Kits Kats are yours!!
Remember though, at this point, you can take the box of Kit Kats you have thus far won, and go home, or... you can continue with the next question and go for the holiday and... 64,000 lbs of Kit Kat Chunkies.
What ya gonna do, Scott?
*dribbling like a filthy, fat, felching c unt*
MMmmmmm, I'll go on!!!
Host: We knew you would Scott, your diabetic, diarrhea drenched, sloth-like kind always do.
Scott, for the Kit Kats, give us your real name?
my name is allan stewart.
Host: Ooops, nuh uh, the clue was in the fact I have been calling you Scott for the last ten minutes, oh dear, maybe take the dicks out of your ears? ho ho ho.
Oh well, Scott, as you well know, MOSSAD obtained your personal details many a moon ago, and those details, together with a simple search of Glasgow birth records, gave us EVERYTHING about you.
Nestle have been tracking you for months, on the chocolate Radar, GPS tracker.
But never fear Scott, we can give you a final opportunity to break even, how about a 50/50 all or nothing, winner takes all question?
If you win, you get the Holiday, the Kit Kats and, the lot.
What say y... *host is cut off mid point*
I'll take it, I'll fucking take it, give it to me, deeper, christ, right there!!
Host: Ok Scott, what do you do for a living?
i am workiing for a major telecommunications firm.
i'm doing 3 months training in cisco routers stuff and admin stuff including microsoft mcse etc.
*studio descends into a hush, a slight sound of tutting, gasping, and disappointed sighs permeate the air*
Host: Oh Scott, thats the... wrong answer!!!
*Fatpanda in tears, shaking like a shitting dog.*
Host:
They know where you work, and it isn't in a call center, nor is it anything to do with CISCO.
They know where you live, so please, fuck off, you sad, lonely, dicephalous, dick drenched scumbag.
*the studio lights fade as the camera pans the audience, before cutting to the host in another part of the studio*
Host: So, on that BOMBSHELL, I guess - much like the black man that finished up Fatpandas back - we are done. Pillowtalk is in Mumbai... the only thing lard ass has, to use the vernacular "fucked up" is his chance of chocolate heaven ho ho LOLERSKATES!!!1 *smug smile*
Join us next week for more chocolate based fun, goodnight
*end titles, credits roll*
*produced for Howard Stern etc etc etc*
*Nestle sponsor commercial ident to close*
