BEER QUOTES
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
---Michelle Mastrolacasa
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
---Catherine Zandonella
One more drink and I'd be under the host.
---Dorothy Parker
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
---Ambrose Bierce
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
---William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
---Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
---Ernest Hemingway
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
---Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
---His reply
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
---Winston Churchill
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
---Oscar Wilde
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
---W.C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
---W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
---W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
---Henny Youngman
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
---Humphrey Bogart
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
---Frank Sinatra
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but, at the very least you need a beer.
---Frank Zappa
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
---David Moulton
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
---Dave Barry
When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.
---Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
---Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
---Dave Barry
My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time.
---A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
--- Ross Levy
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.
---Stephen Wright
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
---Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
---Deep Thoughts, Jack Handy
Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat.
---David Geary
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
---Tom Waits
