Author Topic: How do I construct a life for myself? (Read 12189 times)

no one · « **Reply #25 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:02:54 AM »

Quote from: Groink on February 12, 2011, 10:32:05 AM

Last thing you should be doing is waiting for another girl to come by....just accept and enjoy the fact that you are alone now. Most people make the mistake of trying to shoehorn some random chick into the mold of their Ex and it never works.

Being alone isn't the worst thing in the world and you will begin to see this in time as you get your bearings.....of course you're all fucked up now but it WILL pass.

Nothing wrong with going out and buying yourself some shit but don't be a douche and try and be Mr. Sharper Image if that ain't you

i agree with groink.

dude, it sounds like you have committed yourself to thinking that unless you have a girl in your life it is not going to be any good. you gotta think oppositely. first you have to be happy with who you are and where you are in life, then if that chick comes along- great. if not- great. you get that?

you cannot build your happiness around being with someone, or depending on someone to make you happy.

i am single right now- i have an analogy i tell people when they ask if i want a gf again or when i'll want one.

you see, my life is like cake right now- i love cake. its my favourite dessert, right? a good woman in my life would be like ice cream- she'd really compliment my cake, or life. but just because there is no ice cream to go along with my cake doesnt mean the cake isnt good.

thats where you gotta get- then you'll be out of your rut. dont let your actions over the next couple weeks/months be dictated by the thought of having or needing a woman in your life. do what makes you happy. and then you'll be truly happy, and when and if that person comes along- great. if she doesnt- great too. you get that?

good luck bro.

JasonH · « **Reply #26 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:03:25 AM »

Quote from: James28 on February 12, 2011, 10:23:52 AM

Long story condensed into a few sentences.

I spilt up with my fiancée two months ago. We were together 8 years. My whole identity the past decade has been Mr Dependable, Mr Future Husband And Father, Mr Job/Retirement Plan/Twice-Yearly Holidays. You get the idea. I was her and she was me. We did everything together. She bought my clothes, I took her car for services, our parents are friends. So basically I became soft, dependent. Now it's all gone, leaving me with a big lump of money (we sold the house in 2 days) and no fucking idea what to do with myself or, as lame as it may sound, who the hell I even am.

The idea of going back out there, smashing some loose tail isn't appealing to me right now. It just aint. I moved in with a friend while I'm looking around for an apartment. All I have right now is the gym and my job, and I'm hitting that hard. Hell, I might even compete if I can keep this up.

Anyway. I go to work, come home, go to the gym, come home, eat, sleep. I go out once a week at most since our friends was mutual and it's too weird for them right now. So basically I got fuck all to do. I look around and try and figure out what guys my age (30) do and they're either married with a kid, or going nowhere fast. It's a very awkward age where I'm too old to pull 20 year olds, while the girls my age are looking out for the long term.

So what do I do? I got quite a bit of money out of this house sale. Do I put it towards a sleek bachelors pad with a 65' TV and all the electronics I could want, or do I buy sensibly in the suburbs and wait for another girl to come along, just so I can start this whole fucking process all over again?

Draw upon your own lives and give me some ideas.

Dude, I'm going through the exact same thing as you right now - I split up with my wife back in July last year and I came out of it with a £30,000 lump sum payout which I used to put down as a deposit for my new house (didn't fancy renting). We'd been together for ten years and married for the last six - I've been in my new house since September and since then I've been keeping myself busy by doing some much needed work on the house and getting my head straight again because it fucked me up big-time.

All I have at the moment is my job and the gym and like you I sit at home at weekends watching re-runs of shit TV - but I'm aware it'll pass - it won't be like this forever. I'm not sure what the future holds regarding women but I'm a decent looking guy and I've had my offers since women found out I'd split with my wife but at the moment I can't be fucked with it. I'm just enjoying being on my own and trying to expand my circle of friends (which isn't easy but it's doable). Once I've got a bit more money again and the house is complete, I'll go on the lookout for some tail but not until I'm ready - the world doesn't revolve around women and as long as I'm financially secure and I've got a decent enough home then I'm happy.

johnnynoname · « **Reply #27 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:05:29 AM »

Quote from: Lundgren on February 12, 2011, 10:56:07 AM

Aren't you still in rehab?

you're mom still in rehab

chaos · « **Reply #28 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:07:24 AM »

Lots of miserable fucks on getbig these days, LOL!!

James28 · « **Reply #29 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:13:37 AM »

Quote from: JOHN MATRIX on February 12, 2011, 11:02:06 AM

ive been sitting in a similar situation for nearly a year now. except my current job is weak and i dont have money. still havent figured it out. isnt life beautiful

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to me to focus on your career and getting a better job.

The True Adonis · « **Reply #30 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:17:31 AM »

Quote from: James28 on February 12, 2011, 10:23:52 AM

Long story condensed into a few sentences.

I spilt up with my fiancée two months ago. We were together 8 years. My whole identity the past decade has been Mr Dependable, Mr Future Husband And Father, Mr Job/Retirement Plan/Twice-Yearly Holidays. You get the idea. I was her and she was me. We did everything together. She bought my clothes, I took her car for services, our parents are friends. So basically I became soft, dependent. Now it's all gone, leaving me with a big lump of money (we sold the house in 2 days) and no fucking idea what to do with myself or, as lame as it may sound, who the hell I even am.

The idea of going back out there, smashing some loose tail isn't appealing to me right now. It just aint. I moved in with a friend while I'm looking around for an apartment. All I have right now is the gym and my job, and I'm hitting that hard. Hell, I might even compete if I can keep this up.

Anyway. I go to work, come home, go to the gym, come home, eat, sleep. I go out once a week at most since our friends was mutual and it's too weird for them right now. So basically I got fuck all to do. I look around and try and figure out what guys my age (30) do and they're either married with a kid, or going nowhere fast. It's a very awkward age where I'm too old to pull 20 year olds, while the girls my age are looking out for the long term.

So what do I do? I got quite a bit of money out of this house sale. Do I put it towards a sleek bachelors pad with a 65' TV and all the electronics I could want, or do I buy sensibly in the suburbs and wait for another girl to come along, just so I can start this whole fucking process all over again?

Draw upon your own lives and give me some ideas.

Fucking Christ all you are is a bundle of memes looking for another bundle of memes to act out. Don`t you have any other interests besides "going out", "the gym" and cheap electronics made in China?

JOHN MATRIX · « **Reply #31 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:19:29 AM »

Quote from: James28 on February 12, 2011, 11:13:37 AM

Sounds like a perfect opportunity to me to focus on your career and getting a better job.

only way to get a better job is to go back to 'school'. which translates to several more years, tens of thousands of dollars, and a miserable workload all for the 'chance' to get a better job.

Tito24 · « **Reply #32 on:** February 12, 2011, 11:22:23 AM »

just love yourself and the rest follows, just be happy with your own company, and being 30 is young enough to pull some young ass, i realise now im getting older the more younger ones like me.

James28 · « **Reply #33 on:** February 12, 2011, 02:22:20 PM »

Quote from: The True Adonis on February 12, 2011, 11:17:31 AM

Fucking Christ all you are is a bundle of memes looking for another bundle of memes to act out. Don`t you have any other interests besides "going out", "the gym" and cheap electronics made in China?

Tell me about your interests Adonis. I'm genuinely interested. Perhaps you have an interesting hobby or 'Zen' that's worth exploring further.

Parker · « **Reply #34 on:** February 12, 2011, 02:31:01 PM »

By a bike, preferably one with 1,000 CCs. Or a nice "project" car...

cephissus · « **Reply #35 on:** February 12, 2011, 02:32:09 PM »

The secret to happiness is challenge hth.

Marty Champions · « **Reply #36 on:** February 12, 2011, 02:32:15 PM »

get on plentyoffish.com and bang a few hoes from your area there, get on there IMMEDIATLEY and enjoy it

but more importantly enjoy your freedom, get your own crib , crank up the music enjoy time alone. play xbox look at porn

James28 · « **Reply #37 on:** February 12, 2011, 02:53:04 PM »

Quote from: JOHN MATRIX on February 12, 2011, 11:19:29 AM

only way to get a better job is to go back to 'school'. which translates to several more years, tens of thousands of dollars, and a miserable workload all for the 'chance' to get a better job.

But continuing in your current job is better in the long term? Right now you have NO chance, with some education you may have SOME chance.

big L dawg · « **Reply #38 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:01:29 PM »

James28...stay single 4 a minimum of one year...dont even think about another long term relationship...

The Grim Lifter · « **Reply #39 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:06:23 PM »

Quote from: The True Adonis on February 12, 2011, 11:17:31 AM

Fucking Christ all you are is a bundle of memes looking for another bundle of memes to act out. Don`t you have any other interests besides "going out", "the gym" and cheap electronics made in China?

Your mom's made in China

Dokey111 · « **Reply #40 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:12:07 PM »

I don't have time to read everything but I'm old.

1 - pay off all your debts. Trust me.

2 - 8 years? she left you because you wouldn't marry her?

3 - #1

DroppingPlates · « **Reply #41 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:15:57 PM »

Take distance from your surrounding and start hiking in the wilderness, alone or with some fellas

TacoBell · « **Reply #42 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:22:45 PM »

8 balls and strippers is definitely teh awesome.

Ludgren is a homo and has no place in this thread.

Groink has given good advice.

Set yourself up in a nice place and move on with your life. Do the things you like to do. 30 is not too old for 20 year old girls, in fact, having your shit together at 30 can set yourself up for some quality young girls who will treat you like royalty. Don't try and replace the ex, and don't try to replace the relationship. You have all the time in the world on your hands, enjoy it.

TacoBell · « **Reply #43 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:29:39 PM »

Also, let me point out that the current generation of 18yo's has been raised in a completey different world than you were. Porn infused and sexually driven. Make the most of this.

johnnynoname · « **Reply #44 on:** February 12, 2011, 03:43:20 PM »

Quote from: Johnny Falcon on February 12, 2011, 02:32:15 PM

get on plentyoffish.com and bang a few hoes from your area there, get on there IMMEDIATLEY and enjoy it

but more importantly enjoy your freedom, get your own crib , crank up the music enjoy time alone. play xbox look at porn

god damn it ...we want some pics/stories from your "POF Ho-conquests"

please

James28 · « **Reply #45 on:** February 12, 2011, 04:32:51 PM »

Quote from: Dokey111 on February 12, 2011, 03:12:07 PM

I don't have time to read everything but I'm old.

1 - pay off all your debts. Trust me.

2 - 8 years? she left you because you wouldn't marry her?

3 - #1

I got NO debts. Are everyone so indebted these days that it's not automatically assumed that you're weighed under by credit cards and loans?

I got enough money from the sale of the house to slap a massive deposit down a place and still have money left over to style it out. However, that wasn't the point of this thread. The only money I've spent so far is replacing my whole wardrobe. I'm sick of the shit I was wearing and went a little bit more expensive. If I'm going to be playing in the field again, I suppose I have to look the part.

James28 · « **Reply #46 on:** February 12, 2011, 04:34:54 PM »

Quote from: big L dawg on February 12, 2011, 03:01:29 PM

James28...stay single 4 a minimum of one year...dont even think about another long term relationship...

Good advice mate, I fully intend to. As I'm older now and more set in my ways, I'm a bit more picky too. It's going to take a while to find someone again. Well, someone that would stick around longer than 24 hours anyway.

James28 · « **Reply #47 on:** February 12, 2011, 04:38:25 PM »

Quote from: Johnny Falcon on February 12, 2011, 02:32:15 PM

get on plentyoffish.com and bang a few hoes from your area there, get on there IMMEDIATLEY and enjoy it

but more importantly enjoy your freedom, get your own crib , crank up the music enjoy time alone. play xbox look at porn

Had a nose around that site for a bit. Going to be fucking hard work finding one even remotely bang-worthy. I'll lay off the girls for a bit and get a new place sorted. I have to get all my shit in order first before hitting the interwebs for tail. Just wouldn't feel right otherwise.

outby43 · « **Reply #48 on:** February 12, 2011, 04:39:51 PM »

I would go out and do some amazing shit for a few years. Rob banks, Pimp bitches, Deal drugs, murder for hire, overthrow governments, do porn. This will give you something to talk about later on when you go on dates. It seems to me the only conversation you could possibly have with a girl at this point is what you first posted here. Bitches don't want to hear that crying weak shit. Man up and start living.

Parker · « **Reply #49 on:** February 12, 2011, 04:46:30 PM »

Quote from: TacoBell on February 12, 2011, 03:29:39 PM

Also, let me point out that the current generation of 18yo's has been raised in a completey different world than you were. Porn infused and sexually driven. Make the most of this.

with more mileage than a 10 yr Honda...