to most volatile , compromising, blogger ever made
my mom had me at 14yo, my dad made her pregnant on her first date , strangely enough beside consequence , there relationship last 12 years , they had to go in court fighting th relationship before i was born, lucky enough , my dad eternal teenager had money and a great job, "smart street" he was
im 36yo today and my dad marry a girl younger then me last month and expect a kid soon while im infertile in this now,, i think to some extent, he has regret and he want to a better parent job before he die, ironic life,,,
i had food , shelter and that it' ,,, did not have trauma in childhood but indeed a permanent lack of communication , they did there' best
,, which turn awful to my sister but turn awesome to myself , instead of living in silent i seek knowledge , philosophy , i had to built myself on my own , really young i was attract to culture of extreme and subversive art , i grow up toward self education , quit school real young, could not be submissive to a system, rebellion was in blood , soul , carved , i could not follow any existential pattern , always looking for paradox n ethic contradiction,, be normal was an insult,,, why ? because i am shy, being shy was my personal challenge, th pathway to follow, i was fighting against crude raw honesty to strip naked my personality by masochism perhaps but also to truly discover who i was a enigma , unpredictable core... i did not wanted to change everyone life' but few by bringing out breaking concepts toward life in general by th ppls who could see further then th image , th hulk eccentric image , th clown i play of is own distorted race , to th curious one' i open myself to make sure they wont forget who i am, like leaving a trace , a thought, good or bad , doesnt matters, like a anti-hero
i might be a douche bber but i went deep digging all my life in books , study , art , modern architecture , deconstructivism philosophy and beyond ,, last time i work i was 17 yo, my boss was a jerk i thought kill him to such a powerful emotion i knew working wasnt for me , i came wisely th specialist of grey area , of course stripper young bber was th easy way out , but imagine a client who meet a bodybuilder like me , he was looking way more deeper then th cock or biceps and by kindness , because old men dont want sex like evryone presume but affection, i make shitload of money hugging ppls , you be surprise how many millionaire are lonely , they will send you money to call them once a week and be there for them make them fell special , like enlightenment , it wasnt manipulative , i was real , i meet th bingo sugar daddy who came with time my real dad of adoption i guess , no sex i had everything i want on a gold plate but since im a good boy i never took th advantage of it, i ask when i truly need , i mean who can work , sleeping 13 hours pass out on hgh , cleary dysfunctional on hormone half of th time , train or cardio everyday with 10-12 meals a day , it's impossible, for me impossible , i was a bodybuilder on philosophical quest n oddysee , i was a stripper bber on a ordeal of live structureless , timeless , beside meal n gym , nothing was plan, many will fail in those term , for me it was essential i had th sponsorship to follow , i chippendale for 10 years, in 10 years, you meet th right one, th none demanding one
own a ugl was th next step , it did great , i was a well know respected douche , in canada ugl no biggie , one day shit happen , genuine chemist partner was a genius and mediocre in love , her x' gf complain and evrything was gone by afternoon , seized n broke
i call my helper because which girl will help you ?
i said i need go in china buy raw ghrp6 it's a research legal chem will make shitload of kits and i will be on serono to th max for national at 18ui a day til 2013 once th FDA decide it' came illegal , we let go ,,, and i did ,, i had to be financially stable , hgh , rent , pay my own bills n spoil expensive princess and i did,,, this it's what happening in this now, i told sugar, thk u , u change my life for better n easier, and now we are friends and money out of subject
do i fell healthy , not all th time , when i fell like shit i stop cycle , i live on th border of self destruction n building mass , why ? no idea,, gym start because i was insecure n small , i came a men at 33 years old,, now more muscular then ever, it's did not make me more masculine ,,, i felt like a men upon time , natural proceed of life
since health awareness, i know im heading to retire from competing i give myself two years , for my band too , i scream death metal , it's crazy demanding , young screaming was a tool of attention, now , screaming on stage at 265 impress th young metal boys and it' fun but i see th end of it,, after national , next step is ; family ,,, why ? i live evry extreme , party on hard drugs like charlie sheen, i party for 4 years every week end start at 200 pounds finish party overdose ghb at 260 (24-28yo) , seen all violent movies from around globe, listen to every possible extreme sound on earth , read from limitless no boundaries poets n philosophers, try everything sexually , experiences , emancipation, i had to be unique from evry angle possible, laugh about my failure and be proud of my weakness, i came a nattie and rebuilt my health and start once again steroid with maturity now today at 265 in healthier frame n mind, competing in past was joy n pain , joy was overall , then place first , the bad was fecal compaction shit til my blood vessel burst , x wife left me alone in hotel i was alone , sick , depress , panic attack , anxiety disorder in this highlight of suffering i was awaken , i had to live that struggle, a massive wake up call , like real hardcore bbing douche i did manage how to come condition and not sick th year after, of course HGH abuse did help
in love with my girl , im totally normal , she' the only one who aware of my normality and she' th only girl i talk with , none exist , one women is enough fuck th rest , she actually my only social life per say , she doesnt work and we hang out in our bubble cut of th universe
ghrp6 bring bbers business men', do i cross th friend status,,, not really,,, do i respect none bbers? if your a artist that no one understand, a freak of any nature ,, yes,,, if you can influence me , open my eyes , i might be fucking crazy but never once i had a dumb conversation , life is short i had to take to maximum to it , like an utopia , like a dogmatic point
who' bring cutler in th estate business , a nobody investor came out of nowhere ...mmmmmm wondering,,
kay was a stripper, dayana cadeau did porn, i wasnt much different , could not bring strength n impress with size i could not let go th bbing life without any recognition from that micro rebel anti sub culture of hardcore steroid abuser, i dont seek famous
this is why blp came alive on forum
thk u
