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Author Topic: There’s nothing brief about a hookup  (Read 1045 times)
loco
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« on: June 01, 2011, 12:27:25 PM »

May 31st, 2011

By Dannah Gresh, Special to CNN



Recent studies have revealed some good news in the sex culture among college co-eds: there are more virgins among them now than was the case a few years ago.

These days, 29% of females and 27% of males between ages 15 and 24 claim to be virgins, up from 22% of both sexes in 2002, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

But among the college students who aren’t abstaining, we’re seeing more sex, thanks to casual hookups. According to recent research from Stanford University, the majority of college co-eds are still having sex, with an average 9.7 sexual partners for men and 7.1 for women.

Thankfully, we have more scientific information about casual sex than our parents did when they drove their Volkswagen buses to Woodstock for a dose of the sexual revolution. They wanted to think—as many of those cruising along the New Millennium highway still do—that we can engage in the act of sex without the emotion.

"Emma wants a relationship without the relationship. She just wants the sex,” actress Natalie Portman said of her role in the recent movie "No Strings Attached." “…I’m tired of seeing girls who want to get married all the time and that's all they're interested in. I think there is a wider vision of how women can conduct their lives and what they want."

Sounds so easy.

Just like the hippie culture found a pill that conveniently removed the “inconvenience” of pregnancy, today’s hookup culture believes it has found a recipe for removing the inconvenience of emotion: friends with benefits.

Scientifically, though, that’s impossible. We know that thanks to what neuroscientists have learned about a walnut-sized mass in the brain called the deep limbic system.

The deep limbic system stores and classifies odor, music, symbols and memory. In other words, it’s a place for romance, capable of processing a splash of cologne on your lover’s neck, a particular iPod playlist or a bouquet of red roses.

The brain chemicals associated with romance and sex wash over the deep limbic system during a wide variety of sexual experiences, according to research from the Medical Institute for Sexual Health.

Holding hands, embracing, a gentle massage and, most powerfully, the act of sexual intercourse work together to create a cocktail of chemicals that records such experiences deep into the emotional center of your brain.

It’s why we remember sexual experiences and images so clearly.

One of the critical neurochemicals released during sex is dopamine. Dopamine makes you feel good; it creates a sense of peace and pleasure. Anytime your body experiences pleasure, whether it’s good for you (working out) or bad (doing crystal meth), the limbic system gets washed in dopamine.

In essence, it is a “craving” chemical. It makes you want more. It creates addiction. Dopamine attaches you emotionally to the source of pleasure.

Another critical sex hormone is oxytocin, the subject of recent books like "The Chemistry of Connection: How the Oxytocin Response Can Help You Find Trust, Intimacy and Love." The chemical is released during sexual expression. A tiny dose is downloaded during intimate skin-to-skin contact; a much bigger dose is released during orgasm.

In fact, the only other time as much oxytocin is released as during orgasm is when a mother is breastfeeding her baby. The mother feels its release and is bonded to her child, and the baby’s brain learns for the first time to enter into relationship by connection. I’d say the chemical’s job is to bond us for life.

The knowledge of sexual bonding is nothing new.

“Do you know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?” the apostle Paul wrote in the New Testament. “Do you know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’”

Christian author Lauren Winner translates those verses this way: “Don’t you know that when you sleep with someone your body makes a promise whether you do or not?”

The bottom line is that you get “addicted” and “bonded” to the people you have sex with, even if they are “just friends.”

That helps explain why Stanford sex researcher Paula England has said that “Some people are hooking up a bunch of times with the same person but are not calling it a relationship.” Maybe these people are not as unattached to their “friends” as they would like to think.

Here’s where the hookup culture starts to be a problem. What happens if you get caught up in the friends-with-benefits-game and have multiple partners? What happens when the partners you’ve become addicted and bonded to are gone?

You experience withdrawal symptoms in the emotional center of the brain.

Young women, especially, are likely to spiral into a depression when the source of their addiction isn’t interested in another hookup. A 2003 study from the conservative Heritage Foundation found that 25.3% of sexually active teenage girls experienced depression, compared to 7.7% of sexually abstinent girls.

The study found that 14.3% of sexually active girls attempted suicide, compared to 5.1% of their virgin peers.

And when a person graduates from the hookup scene and tries to have an intimate relationship with the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, things can get complicated.

There are already a lot of other people he or she will be addicted to, and that creates more chaos for the exhilarating but challenging task of building a life of intimacy together. The Kinsey Institute notes that one of the five factors that predict infidelity in a relationship is “having had a high number of prior sex partners.”

Casual sex is happening. We shouldn’t ignore it. That’s especially true of the faith community. But when we talk about it, we should use science. There’s nothing biologically brief about a hookup.

In the interest of full disclosure, my motivation here is my Christian faith. I believe sex to be an incredible gift from God, meant to transcend the physical to discover something emotional and spiritual with another person.

But since my faith may alienate some of you from my message, I ask you not to think too hard about religious differences. Stick to the facts.

The good news is that we are seeing an ever-so-small rise in the number of young people choosing abstinence.

What are they waiting for? Some mind-blowing pleasure and an incredible intimacy–without all the baggage of a broken heart.

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/31/my-take-there%E2%80%99s-nothing-brief-about-a-hookup/
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« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2011, 05:49:41 AM »

Imagine that!!

As I've said time and time again, science has a funny way of confirming the blatantly obvious, what Biblical truth and common sense have stated from the get-go.

I don't know of any women with emotional baggage, because they remained virgins. I mean, when was the last time you heard a girl saying, "Gee, I wish I'd given up the booty to half the campus; my life would be so wonderful. I missed out on all the guys, calling me 'ho', 'slut', 'hoochie', 'tramp', 'skank'. How will I ever make up for all of that?"
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« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2011, 03:20:38 PM »

People are gonna do what they wanna do.
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« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2011, 06:51:32 AM »

That statistic for on campus hookups is wrong---gys tend to over estimate, and women tend to underestimate...they don't take in account the times that they were drunk, the ones they want to forget, the ones that weren't good, date-rape, etc...

The men---they'd count the ones that they dreamed about screwing...


Also, many of these chicks will hit a wall---look to the cougars of today what they will be in their 30s.
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« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2011, 07:10:33 AM »

What science? There is no causal argument there - just pointing out correlations.  Pretty sure the whole oxytocin thing does not apply uniformly either, especially in males.  Given the choice between a new conquest or going back to something familiar, I'll bet most guys will go with the strange.
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« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2011, 12:54:53 PM »

What science? There is no causal argument there - just pointing out correlations.  Pretty sure the whole oxytocin thing does not apply uniformly either, especially in males.  Given the choice between a new conquest or going back to something familiar, I'll bet most guys will go with the strange.

True, maybe guys don't get nearly as attached after sex as girls do, but hooking up and then leaving is a good way for a guy to wake up with his bed up in flames or his penis detached from the rest of his body.  Very dangerous game indeed.
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« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2011, 01:09:13 PM »

True, maybe guys don't get nearly as attached after sex as girls do, but hooking up and then leaving is a good way for a guy to wake up with his bed up in flames or his penis detached from the rest of his body.  Very dangerous game indeed.

I'm pretty sure that more dudes are struck by lightning in a year than have their penises detached.  Also break-ups don't usually lead to arson in most of the civilized world.
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« Reply #7 on: June 18, 2011, 08:07:57 PM »

I'm pretty sure that more dudes are struck by lightning in a year than have their penises detached.  Also break-ups don't usually lead to arson in most of the civilized world.
No, they lead to slashed tires, keyed cars, facebook threats/hacking, Twitter stalking, telephone harassment and restraining orders---I see it EVERYDAY!
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« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2011, 07:53:53 AM »

No, they lead to slashed tires, keyed cars, facebook threats/hacking, Twitter stalking, telephone harassment and restraining orders---I see it EVERYDAY!

And false rape accusations!   
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« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2011, 02:14:17 PM »

You guys lead dramatic lives.  All I've ever had was a couple of tearful phone calls... but I'm a nice guy.  Almost all of my exes still consider me a friend.  Even the ones that are married (nothing shady on my side).
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« Reply #10 on: June 21, 2011, 11:41:56 PM »

You guys lead dramatic lives.  All I've ever had was a couple of tearful phone calls... but I'm a nice guy.  Almost all of my exes still consider me a friend.  Even the ones that are married (nothing shady on my side).
Oh, I wasn't talking about me...
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« Reply #11 on: June 23, 2011, 10:48:08 AM »

You guys lead dramatic lives.  All I've ever had was a couple of tearful phone calls... but I'm a nice guy.  Almost all of my exes still consider me a friend.  Even the ones that are married (nothing shady on my side).

I wasn't talking about me either.  I'm going by what I have been told by some women, yes women, and by some lawyer buddies who have clients who have been falsely accused of rape.  

It depends on many things.  I have heard different scenarios.  Some married women will cheat on their husband, then feel guilty and tell the husband, then get scared and lie saying it was rape.  Other women are emotionally unstable and do it to get attention from the authorities.  A woman was caught cheating in the act by her husband.  She started screaming "rape."  The guy ran, jumped in his truck and drove away, while the husband shot at his truck.  The man was hit by a bullet and died.  The list goes on.

Some emotionally unstable, single women will just fall for a good looking, decent guy and believe he is the one.  They get clingy and possessive.  After the break up, they'll go crazy and make up all kinds of stuff and do everything to hurt the guy and his property.  Again, it happens to guys whom these women consider a great catch.
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« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2011, 04:03:38 PM »

Imagine that!!

As I've said time and time again, science has a funny way of confirming the blatantly obvious, what Biblical truth and common sense have stated from the get-go.

I don't know of any women with emotional baggage, because they remained virgins. I mean, when was the last time you heard a girl saying, "Gee, I wish I'd given up the booty to half the campus; my life would be so wonderful. I missed out on all the guys, calling me 'ho', 'slut', 'hoochie', 'tramp', 'skank'. How will I ever make up for all of that?"

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« Reply #13 on: June 26, 2011, 12:17:19 PM »

qft

Oh, it gets better. The University of Iowa just wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars in "research" to make this startling revelation:

Women who had premarital sex, particularly before the age of 16, were 47% more likely to divorce within 10 years.

REALLY!!!???

These folks needed the University of Iowa to tell them something that their Sunday School teacher or "Rev." could have told them (and probably already had, DECADES AGO)?

UI study examines link between teen sex and divorce rate

I study examines link between teen sex and divorce rate

A University of Iowa study found that women who make their sexual debut as young teens are more likely to divorce, especially if "the first time" was unwanted, or if she had mixed feelings about it.

Published in the April issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family, the analysis found that 31 percent of women who had sex for the first time as teens divorced within five years, and 47 percent divorced within 10 years. The divorce rate for women who delayed sex until adulthood was far lower: 15 percent at five years, and 27 percent at 10 years.

Author Anthony Paik, associate professor of sociology in the UI College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, examined the responses of 3,793 ever-married women to the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth.

A first sexual experience that was unwanted or not completely wanted was strongly associated with divorce. If the young woman chose to lose her virginity as a teen, the results were more nuanced.

When the first intercourse took place early in adolescence –- before the age of 16 –- the women were more likely to divorce, even if that first sexual experience was wanted.

If the young woman waited until age 16 or 17 and the first sex was wanted, there was no direct link to dissolution down the road. But, while the sex itself did not increase the likelihood of a marital split, other factors related to sexuality -– such as a higher number of sexual partners, pregnancy, or out-of-wedlock birth -– increased the risk for some respondents.

Thirty-one percent of women who experienced adolescent sexual debut had premarital sex with multiple partners, compared to 24 percent of those who waited. Twenty-nine percent experienced premarital conceptions, versus 15 percent who waited. And, one in four women who had sex during their teenage years had a baby before they were married, compared to only one in ten who held off.

"The results are consistent with the argument that there are down sides to adolescent sexuality, including the increased likelihood of divorce," Paik said. "But there's also support for the 'more sex positive' view, because if a teen delays sex to late adolescence and it is wanted, that choice in itself doesn't necessarily lead to increased risk of divorce."

Only a small percentage of women who had sex before age 18 said it was completely wanted. Just 1 percent chose to have sex at age 13 or younger, 5 percent at age 14 or 15, and 10 percent at age 16 or 17. Another 42 percent reported first sexual intercourse before age 18 that was not completely wanted, while the remaining portion of the sample waited until age 18 or older to have sex (wanted, 22 percent; unwanted, 21 percent).

Paik said there are a couple potential explanations for the link between teen sex and divorce.

"One possibility is a selection explanation, that the women who had sex as adolescents were predisposed to divorce. The attitudes that made them feel OK about having sex as teens may have also influenced the outcome of their marriage," Paik said. "The other possibility is a causal explanation –- that the early sexual experience led to the development of behaviors or beliefs that promote divorce."

In a statistical analysis, he found more evidence for the latter, suggesting that the sexual experiences as a teen affected the marriage. The results related to unwanted sex supported his hunch. Nevertheless, he cautions that it is too early to rule out the selection explanation.

"If the sex was not completely wanted or occurred in a traumatic context, it's easy to imagine how that could have a negative impact on how women might feel about relationships, or on relationship skills," Paik said. "The experience could point people on a path toward less stable relationships."

Limitations of the study included a lack of information on respondents' work status, which is often used as a control factor in divorce research, and the fact that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data included some imputed values. Paik arrived at the same results by excluding the imputed figures, but would like to repeat the study with the new 2006-08 data to confirm that the findings still hold.

"It's a timely topic, given the current debate over the sexualization of girls," Paik said. "This study tries to provide some answers about adolescent sexuality and the risk of marital dissolution, and the results show that both the context and early onset of first intercourse are associated with divorce."




http://news-releases.uiowa.edu/2011/june/061411paik_study.html
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