Slacker, Oakman, Odiferous...you're not fooling anyone with gimmick names. How does that go again now? You're a 9'-6", 810 lb, 1.1 percent bodyfat, ex-cop and former cage fighter - am I right?
My guess is you're an embarassing 5'-5", 160 lb twink, that trolls getbig for cock and ball action.