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Author Topic: The Charlie Sheen Roast  (Read 2038 times)
che
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« on: September 12, 2011, 05:36:16 PM »

Some of the jokes.

“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer

“Charlie, you’re the black sheep of a family that produced three Mighty Ducks movies.” — Jeffrey Ross

“How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men” — Jon Lovitz

“It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” — Kate Walsh


“The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Anthony Jeselnik


“I mean, we all know there’s a good chance Charlie will be dead soon, so I wrote an obituary. Charlie Sheen, who became a tabloid fixture due to his problems with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in his apartment. Actually, you know what? I kind of just copied Amy Winehouse’s obituary. I only had to change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says a talent that will be missed.” — Seth MacFarlane




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NarcissisticDeity
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I dont care what Ronnie says bc hes not a credible


« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2011, 05:39:29 PM »

Some of the jokes.

“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer

“Charlie, you’re the black sheep of a family that produced three Mighty Ducks movies.” — Jeffrey Ross

“How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men” — Jon Lovitz

“It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” — Kate Walsh


“The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Anthony Jeselnik


“I mean, we all know there’s a good chance Charlie will be dead soon, so I wrote an obituary. Charlie Sheen, who became a tabloid fixture due to his problems with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in his apartment. Actually, you know what? I kind of just copied Amy Winehouse’s obituary. I only had to change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says a talent that will be missed.” — Seth MacFarlane







“How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men” — Jon Lovitz

lmfao best line
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che
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« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2011, 05:43:10 PM »

I guess during the show Steve-O asked Mike Tyson to give him a black eye, Mike missed and broke his nose.

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suckmymuscle
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« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2011, 05:43:36 PM »

Some of the jokes.

“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer

“Charlie, you’re the black sheep of a family that produced three Mighty Ducks movies.” — Jeffrey Ross

“How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men” — Jon Lovitz

“It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.” — Kate Walsh


“The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.” — Anthony Jeselnik


“I mean, we all know there’s a good chance Charlie will be dead soon, so I wrote an obituary. Charlie Sheen, who became a tabloid fixture due to his problems with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in his apartment. Actually, you know what? I kind of just copied Amy Winehouse’s obituary. I only had to change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says a talent that will be missed.” — Seth MacFarlane






  The only truly mean quote is the one by Seth McFarlane. That guy is a complete douchebag. I don't like him and his work. And who the fck is he to talk about talent? He has none!

SUCKMYMUSCLE
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Nails
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqVI2DmLI2Q


« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2011, 05:46:40 PM »

 Undecided

He only has 3 shows running back to back to back on fox
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NarcissisticDeity
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I dont care what Ronnie says bc hes not a credible


« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2011, 05:48:53 PM »

I guess during the show Steve-O asked Mike Tyson to give him a black eye, Mike missed and broke his nose.



LMAO He was on Howard Stern talking about the time he and Mike did coke at some party
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james_hetfield
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« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2011, 05:49:57 PM »

 The only truly mean quote is the one by Seth McFarlane. That guy is a complete douchebag. I don't like him and his work. And who the fck is he to talk about talent? He has none!

SUCKMYMUSCLE
Seriously what a tool. Just cause he makes a couple of shitty cartoons he thinks he's cleaver. Why do they even invite him to the roasts.
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Xerxes
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« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2011, 05:50:40 PM »

I guess during the show Steve-O asked Mike Tyson to give him a black eye, Mike missed and broke his nose.


Jawline of a greek god
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james_hetfield
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« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2011, 05:51:20 PM »

Undecided

He only has 3 shows running back to back to back on fox
So? Not one of them is funny.
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Alex23
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« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2011, 07:51:44 PM »

  The only truly mean quote is the one by Seth McFarlane. That guy is a complete douchebag. I don't like him and his work. And who the fck is he to talk about talent? He has none!

SUCKMYMUSCLE

12.2 million people tend to disagree with you. So does a $25mil net worth.
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tbombz
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« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2011, 07:54:05 PM »

12.2 million people tend to disagree with you. So does a $25mil net worth.
  Grin
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Alex23
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« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2011, 07:56:16 PM »

  Grin

The doucheries on here are getting strong. Not worth the Login time and the jewisity.

Looks like we might be neighbors soon TB. This will be fun. Looking forward to it potentially.
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Jonny34
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« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2011, 08:33:33 PM »

The doucheries on here are getting strong. Not worth the Login time and the jewisity.

Looks like we might be neighbors soon TB. This will be fun. Looking forward to it potentially.

Is tbombz hooking you up with one of his ladies down there?
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Alex23
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« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2011, 08:34:49 PM »

Is tbombz hooking you up with one of his ladies down there?

No need to. He completes me.
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berblexer
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« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2011, 04:51:18 AM »

Jawline of a greek god

what jaw?
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« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2011, 05:04:44 AM »

Steve-O is cool. And Sheen too, it's all free advertisement for him.
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ManBearPig...
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« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2011, 05:14:36 AM »

 The only truly mean quote is the one by Seth McFarlane. That guy is a complete douchebag. I don't like him and his work. And who the fck is he to talk about talent? He has none!

SUCKMYMUSCLE

we all can't be awesome like you, sucking penis.
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Deep Tissue Massage
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« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2011, 05:19:03 AM »

Steve-O is cool. And Sheen too, it's all free advertisement for him.

I was listen intensely to an radio interview with Stevo recently.
He pitched his new book and gave a review of his life why he ended up in rehab etc.

Now couple of questions that I had after the interview was finished...

1) I am not entirely sure the rehab was succesful he sounded like he was going airborne any second
2) Not entirely sure he actually wrote his book given that he hadn't a clue about the book or its context.
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Army of One
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« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2011, 05:40:30 AM »

what jaw?

The sarcasm detector is strong in this one
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Xerxes
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« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2011, 05:58:01 AM »

The sarcasm detector is strong in this one
I was gonna post a facepalm picture but he only has 150 posts
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Tapeworm
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« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2011, 06:16:32 AM »


“How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men” — Jon Lovitz

lmfao best line

Bullseye!  He won't recover.
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tracks
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« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2011, 07:14:22 AM »

I was listen intensely to an radio interview with Stevo recently.
He pitched his new book and gave a review of his life why he ended up in rehab etc.

Now couple of questions that I had after the interview was finished...

1) I am not entirely sure the rehab was succesful he sounded like he was going airborne any second
2) Not entirely sure he actually wrote his book given that he hadn't a clue about the book or its context.

Surprisingly good read.

His pre-Jackass DUI arrest report stated "defendant declined roadside sobriety tests stating he'd prefer to take a nap"

He's fought his battles and come through the other side. Although maybe not completely...

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suckmymuscle
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« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2011, 09:14:20 AM »

12.2 million people tend to disagree with you. So does a $25mil net worth.

  Stupid argument. What you are doing is called ad populum argument(just because a lot of people agree, it must be true/great). Hollywood blockbusters are watched by hundreds of millions of people and most of them are childish films with idiotic plots. Soccer games are watched by billions of people and they are hardly high culture.

SUCKMYMUSCLE
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che
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« Reply #23 on: September 13, 2011, 10:08:53 AM »

 Stupid argument. What you are doing is called ad populum argument(just because a lot of people agree, it must be true/great). Hollywood blockbusters are watched by hundreds of millions of people and most of them are childish films with idiotic plots. Soccer games are watched by billions of people and they are hardly high culture.

SUCKMYMUSCLE

Are you saying Snooki has not talent, Suckmymuscle?
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