Help wanted: Need trainer for national chain. Must be able to count to 10 backwards. Own your own clipboard a plus. Must have complete understanding of 1995 training principles. Able to spot a bench and yell, "It's all you bro!" a job necessity. Should be a master of circuit training since that is all we have. Skin tight shirts, Lycra shorts and your own Tupperware for meals is a must. Self righteous arrogant attitude helpful but will train. Any fans of Cosgrove, Coach Dos, Durkin or Boyle need not apply and if you can spell Verstegen you are entirely too smart for the job. Apply in person and bring proof of online certification.
