Author Topic: Shitting your pants on the first date and other stories... (Read 26408 times)

BIG ACH · « **Reply #75 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:14:21 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 06, 2012, 06:58:30 PM

Anybody? Any funny stories?

My buddy had to shit as soon as he and his girl left the rsetaurant on their first date. He held it in for like a 40 minute car ride. Got to her house and walked her to the door where he said he rushed through a quick makeout session, made up an excuse, and waddled back to his car. As soon as he bent at the waist to sit down in his drivers seat, he shit himself, as he was sitting down. He looks up, casually, to see if she is looking. And she is satnding there waving and watching him. So, he doesnt let on that anything happened. Sits in his shit, and drives away. He said he pulled behind the first gas station convenience store and took off his shitty pants and underwear and tossed them in the dumpster. The only thing he had in his car to replace his pants was a hefty bag black trash bag. So, he pokes two leg holes in the bag and drives home, wearing a trash bag diaper. The worst part is we were like 23 or so and the guy lived with his parents still. He was horrified when he got home and his parents were still up and playing cards with the neighbors and having drinks. He had to get his dads attention through the window and have him bring him pants outside and a towel. He hosed off the shit that was caked on, put on his pants and tried to sleep off his shame. We still call him shitbag to this day.

I'm laughing so hard here!!

Not really shitting my pants story... but one time I was so sick I ran to the bathroom... and in one quick motion I pulled my pants down and shit started flying out before my ass hit the toilet seat... but at the same time I also had to grab a trash can and was puking in it!! AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME, shit is flying out of my ass and I'm throwing up in a trash can!

Irongrip400 · « **Reply #76 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:17:19 PM »

Some years back on spring break, my buddy did a thing on MTV where he had to take a bunch of shots of habenero juice. He won when the challenger threw up. He immediately went to the bathroom and shit in the urinal trof. When we were going back to the hotel, he got off the bus and shit in the bushes. I had to give him my shirt to wipe with.

The Ugly · « **Reply #77 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:25:50 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 07, 2012, 07:22:06 PM

This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.

Oh, grandpa.

BIG ACH · « **Reply #78 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:25:53 PM »

Ok another foul story... Back in college... I was in a long distance relationship... flew to visit my lady in a different state... on the plane I got the sensation that I needed to take a HUGE dump, I normally hate using the bathroom on the plane, but I knew there'd be some good loving action when I arrived

So I figured its best to drop the waste in flight... anyways I end up taking the BIGGEST SHIT in that airplane bathroom (Hell, I'm surprised the plane didn't go down!), I knew everyone near the bathroom could smell it cause they all gave me some dirty looks when I came out... but fuck em... I was relieved, I clean up and go back to my seat!

Anyways, I arrive and my girl picks me up, we go to my hotel room, and in a matter of minutes I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my pants down and she is on the floor giving me head. Later on.. the deed is done, she goes to the bathroom to clean up, I stand up because I gotta clean up my own mess, and to my surprise I see ALL THE SHIT smeared all over the bed sheets RIGHT where I was sitting... I'm talking it was REALLY NASTY! I guess I didn't clean my ass up as well as I thought I did on the plane! So quickly, before she comes out of the bathroom, I just cover the area up with a blanket and tell her lets go get some food!

That night I removed the sheets off the bed left them outside for housekeeping and slept right on the mattress!

Soul Crusher · « **Reply #79 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:31:21 PM »

LOL!!!! I guess we all have dump stories.

The best is when you take a nasty dump that is all messy and you run for the shower and your GF asks you why you run for a shower and you blame it on sweat , or something else. Lol.

Quote from: BIG ACH on June 07, 2012, 07:25:53 PM

Ok another foul story... Back in college... I was in a long distance relationship... flew to visit my lady in a different state... on the plane I got the sensation that I needed to take a HUGE dump, I normally hate using the bathroom on the plane, but I knew there'd be some good loving action when I arrived So I figured its best to drop the waste in flight... anyways I end up taking the BIGGEST SHIT in that airplane bathroom (Hell, I'm surprised the plane didn't go down!), I knew everyone near the bathroom could smell it cause they all gave me some dirty looks when I came out... but fuck em... I was relieved, I clean up and go back to my seat!

Anyways, I arrive and my girl picks me up, we go to my hotel room, and in a matter of minutes I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with my pants down and she is on the floor giving me head. Later on.. the deed is done, she goes to the bathroom to clean up, I stand up because I gotta clean up my own mess, and to my surprise I see ALL THE SHIT smeared all over the bed sheets RIGHT where I was sitting... I'm talking it was REALLY NASTY! I guess I didn't clean my ass up as well as I thought I did on the plane! So quickly, before she comes out of the bathroom, I just cover the area up with a blanket and tell her lets go get some food!

That night I removed the sheets off the bed left them outside for housekeeping and slept right on the mattress!

Schmoff · « **Reply #80 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:34:59 PM »

lots of shit happened in this thread

Soul Crusher · « **Reply #81 on:** June 07, 2012, 07:39:47 PM »

Quote from: Schmoff on June 07, 2012, 07:34:59 PM

lots of shit happened in this thread

Keep a TSHTF bag in my car and one of the most important items is a full roll of toilet paper. MY GF busts my balls over it but when SHIT hits the fan, toilet paper beats leaves any day.

TonyAlva · « **Reply #82 on:** June 07, 2012, 08:59:31 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 07, 2012, 07:22:06 PM

This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.

dont know why but out of all these crappy stories this made me laugh the loudest, I'm a sick one

flipper5470 · « **Reply #83 on:** June 07, 2012, 09:04:12 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 07, 2012, 07:22:06 PM

This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.

Maybe "shit on daughter's floor" was on his bucket list...

nzmusclemonster · « **Reply #84 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:19:36 PM »

I was at a bar with a mate of mine at peak time.... real busy, literally couldn't move, everyone shoulder to shoulder. My mate does the most horrendous fart ever.... followed through and shit himself as well.

All of a sudden there was a huge circle gap around us. A couple of metres daylight either side of us somehow in this bar that was bursting at the seams with people. No one dared enter the stink zone!

Primemuscle · « **Reply #85 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:19:56 PM »

Quote from: 333386 on June 07, 2012, 06:56:35 PM

When I was 16 I dropped a turd on the doorstep of Scarsdale Middle School entrance door for fun.

Not too much fun for whoever had to clean that shit up. Hopefully, you have more mature behavior these days.

Primemuscle · « **Reply #86 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:24:31 PM »

Quote from: D-Ware on June 07, 2012, 07:22:06 PM

This isnt really shitting in pants but its a shitting accident. My grandpa was over for thanksgiving dinner. After dinner he went to the bathroom. In our bathroom at the time the toilet and bathtub were about the same distance from each other as, i guess, the hole in the toilet was size wize. Anyway, he must have put one ass cheek on the toilet and one on the bath tub. Because when i went in after him there was a pile of crap in the spce between tub/ toilet. I screamed fir my mom to come in as i was laughing hysterically. Rest in peace gramps.

I am a grandpa. If I ever do such a thing, someone should shoot me!

Primemuscle · « **Reply #87 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:27:48 PM »

Quote from: 333386 on June 07, 2012, 07:39:47 PM

Keep a TSHTF bag in my car and one of the most important items is a full roll of toilet paper. MY GF busts my balls over it but when SHIT hits the fan, toilet paper beats leaves any day.

Good advice!

Palpatine Q · « **Reply #88 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:39:17 PM »

Quote from: irongrip400 on June 07, 2012, 08:40:40 AM

When I was in college I crashed at this chicks sorority house after a date party. We were drinking champaign all night, and I woke up the next morning and it looked like I was pregnant or had cholora. I had so much air in my stomach, but had to piss. I knew I couldn't pee without letting out the biggest fart, so I told her I needed to take a shower. Well, it was a dorm style/share suite and was all tile so I knew it would echo bad. So I get I the shower, bend over, and put my finger over my ass to muffle it. It sounded like I was letting air out of a balloon. What made it worse was the last bit was a small shart, but it didn't matter too much because I was already in the shower. Longest fart ever, I guarantee it was at least 15 seconds, and after, my stomach was flat again.

Ha Ha ha

iv'e told this fart story but i'll tell it again. the gym i used to train at had big ass floor mounted fans in the summer to keep it cool, and i had some nasty, smelly farts one day.

so there are two guys training doing bench presses directly down wind from the fan, about 25 feet away. one guy was spotting his friend, and he was kinda standing over him on the platform.

So the thought occurs to me, and i let out a level 6 paint melter right in front of the fan...and about 10 seconds later the one guy jumps up and says 'dude!! what the fuck man...you busted ass right in my face!!!" I was leaning against the wall laughing my ass off

Primemuscle · « **Reply #89 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:44:59 PM »

Quote from: Groink on June 07, 2012, 11:39:17 PM

Ha Ha ha

iv'e told this fart story but i'll tell it again. the gym i used to train at had big ass floor mounted fans in the summer to keep it cool, and i had some nasty, smelly farts one day.

so there are two guys training doing bench presses directly down wind from the fan, about 25 feet away. one guy was spotting his friend, and he was kinda standing over him on the platform.

So the thought occurs to me, and i let out a level 6 paint melter right in front of the fan...and about 10 seconds later the one guy jumps up and says 'dude!! what the fuck man...you busted ass right in my face!!!" I was leaning against the wall laughing my ass off

It's very telling what some folks think is funny.

arce1988 · « **Reply #90 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:45:51 PM »

Who has NOT?

Palpatine Q · « **Reply #91 on:** June 07, 2012, 11:47:32 PM »

Quote from: Primemuscle on June 07, 2012, 11:44:59 PM

It's very telling what some folks think is funny.

It was probably almost 20 years ago, but I still think it was funny

Donny · « **Reply #92 on:** June 08, 2012, 01:14:00 AM »

well when posted to Germany in the Army i was in a 3 man room.. one of the Guys used to drink like a fish and i mean every night hardcore Asbach Brandy and coke. It was always the same he came in went to bed in his jeans and pissed himself. One Saturday afternoon he came back from the Bar and lay on top of his Bed...a couple of Guys came in who were drinking with him and one dropped his trousers and stuck his bare arse over the Guy on the beds face.. He farted and lumps of wet shit came out..the guy on the bed luckily opened his eyes in time and moved. His bed was a shitty mess. Another story about this guy was one time he came back pissed as normal and as i walked in he just squated next to his bed and shit on the floor. We just got a new guy in from "Junior leaders" ( they are boy soldiers 16-18 ). The new "Sprog" just looked shocked and white in the face. I said to him "go take a walk".. I got our room mate with another Guy and cleaned him up. True storys Guys..i swear.

Soul Crusher · « **Reply #93 on:** June 08, 2012, 02:45:57 AM »

Quote from: Primemuscle on June 07, 2012, 11:27:48 PM

Good advice!

Yes, and she thanked me a ton once when we went to a Jets game and the porter potty had no toilet paper in it. Keeping roll of toilet paper in the car is essential.

Stark · « **Reply #94 on:** June 08, 2012, 03:11:42 AM »

Army Story - German Bundeswehr Panzer grenadier Battalion.
Our Zug (Plattoon) was the lucky once we were outside everyday - after a while you get used to spend most of your time outside, as Panzer grenadiers are we were supported by APC's *Marders - The drivers have Overalls on, our driver gets out and wants to take a dump he has to go real bad but we are in a simulated war time situation and the Oberfeldwebel doesn't want us to look bad so he hollers at the driver who has already his trousers half way done to HURRY THE FUCK UP!!! THERES AN INCOMING ENEMY STRIKE!!! - weird thing is when you fully embrace the whole army thing you also fully embrace any made up situation, so the guy frantically tries to shit behind a small bush, didn't even wipe just rushes back and gets back in his driver seat.
After a short drive somebody starts complaining that the APC stinks of shit.

Turns out the guy didn't have enough time to check his shit (as you would do) but he crapped in his pants while squatting down

- imagine our horror when HQ called in a Chemical attack which means we were supposeted to seal the tank shut!!!!
The stench was unbearable and everybody used their gas masks

wes · « **Reply #95 on:** June 08, 2012, 03:20:18 AM »

The GetBig Monthly Thread Of Shit!! LOL

Ronnie Rep · « **Reply #96 on:** June 08, 2012, 04:40:28 AM »

Shit Happens!

muscularny · « **Reply #97 on:** June 08, 2012, 07:16:53 AM »

walk into my friends house a while ago, and the house stunk so bad that I almost threw up, so I just ask him did you get a pet or something? Hes like no, and denies even smelling anything. As hes making me feel stupid I hear his GF from upstairs yelling down "im so sorry I feel so embarrassed" (obviously she didnt notice im there) so he yells back to her "now im embarrassed too, say hi to joe" and I hear her run into a room and slam the door.

He proceeds to walk me outside and explain that they decided to experiment with anal sex, she wanted to ride his dick so she can have more control, she ended up making a huge mega mess, on him, the bed, herself etc.

Bottom line is, you let them have a little control and they will shit all over you

Gosling31977 · « **Reply #98 on:** June 08, 2012, 08:13:46 AM »

aww shit

240 is Back · « **Reply #99 on:** June 08, 2012, 08:15:41 AM »

Tad is awesome.