The answer is NO!
You will not be accepted into the EMPIRE, now stop being a bitch about it!
I figured as much: my penis is far too large, I don't dribble when I speak, I've had sex with women, I can lift more than a gallon of milk over my head, I have no gay porn subscriptions, I don't have a tat above my ass that says "Oily Beefcakes Enter Here" and I bring teh funny.
You're right.....there's no way I'd qualify for the Empire **snicker** AHAAHAH!!!