When you have to fart at work.

[The Italian Lifter]

women fart but do not shit like men do. gladly

you sure?
c'mon be serious mate

[Dr Dutch]

Tito has posted this statement more than once before. Therefore it must be correct.

[Tito24]

Tito has posted this statement more than once before. Therefore it must be correct.

x2

[d0nny2600]

x2

Women have a shitterectomy when they are born to remove the shit pipe. All that comes out is farts and not goodrums.

[Raymondo]

Amateur,
If it's a silent but deadly, let it go, but have that hand sanitizer ready---you know the clear goopy kind that has that strong scent. Put it on your hands and kinda wave it around. It will kill it. Or have mints, pop one in your mouth and everything smells Minty


Also, for those who have shirts that use collar stays. If you forget, use the large paperclips. They fit, but make sure a free edge stays out for easy removal.

I've been looking for such a solution for years now! I'll test it and see if it works! Unbelievable!!!!!!!

[Raymondo]

When I'm bulking I'm a veritable farting machine. Half an hour after the post-workout meal, the farts start. They don't stop for hours. Since I like to train early in the morning I usually have a rather big lunch at work.

Going to the loo is pointless when there's another fart building up for release ten minutes after the last one. The carnage that ensues is funny to describe.

After some veiled insinuations from co-workers and a lot of testing I've found a number of solutions:

1) Pressing your arse hard onto the seat will take care of most of the smell.
2) Moving to unccopied areas of the office (someone's always taken a day off or sick) to "have a look" outside the window, but really let out a series of brutal farts can also work.
3) Since you cannot possibly eliminate the frequency of the farts (probiotics aren't worth shit), controlling the smell is the next best thing, and there exist some remedies for that.

[El Diablo Blanco]

^^^

Haha, I love walking into an empty office and letting one rip then close the door on the way out.  Always priceless seeing the look on someone's face when they walk into their office and the scent hits them.

[PJim]

When I'm bulking I'm a veritable farting machine. Half an hour after the post-workout meal, the farts start. They don't stop for hours. Since I like to train early in the morning I usually have a rather big lunch at work.

Going to the loo is pointless when there's another fart building up for release ten minutes after the last one. The carnage that ensues is funny to describe.

After some veiled insinuations from co-workers and a lot of testing I've found a number of solutions:

1) Pressing your arse hard onto the seat will take care of most of the smell.
2) Moving to unccopied areas of the office (someone's always taken a day off or sick) to "have a look" outside the window, but really let out a series of brutal farts can also work.
3) Since you cannot possibly eliminate the frequency of the farts (probiotics aren't worth shit), controlling the smell is the next best thing, and there exist some remedies for that.

That's why I don't bulk any longer, I could fart like no tommorow. If I'm tooting like I've got an internal battle of the sprouts going on, I know I'm eating too much and I cut the food intake. Having said that, I love my cheese, so what little farts I do do smell like a dead dog.

[240 is Back]

there's a rotten egg guy at my gym.   Decent build, but can peel the paint off the walls with the nonstop leakage.

The only time the DB rack is empty is when he's there. 

[Parker]

I've been looking for such a solution for years now! I'll test it and see if it works! Unbelievable!!!!!!!

Sarcasm meter faulty.

[bradistani]

The Flatulence Deodorizer



Product Description

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10 pads in a package includes 10 pieces of tape and full instructions. Month Supply = 30 pads per package (Push down arrow $29.95 by Select Quantity) ***NEW*** Pads come in ziplock type pouch to keep them fresh!

But yours here

[Raymondo]

Sarcasm meter faulty.

I wasn't being even remotely sarcastic  

In fact, I was going to ask you about specific brands of strongly smelling hand sanitizer

[JOHN MATRIX]

I have to shit extremely bad, had a big lunch, but now every single restroom in my building is occupied and filled with the smell of shit. Im just sitting here and it feels like theres a balloon expanding in my guts. Not sure how im going to handle this..

[Parker]

I wasn't being even remotely sarcastic  

In fact, I was going to ask you about specific brands of strongly smelling hand sanitizer

I don't know the brands, they have several at work---from the clear goopy, to the green runny kind. But don't let it get near your papers, as it wets everything up.

[Raymondo]

I don't know the brands, they have several at work---from the clear goopy, to the green runny kind. But don't let it get near your papers, as it wets everything up.

They had these in my old job, I should have put it to practice then! No such luck in my current one, looks like I'll have to bring in my own. I hope it's not a dead giveaway as to its real purpose

How many people know of this 

[bighead]

I remember those awkward moments in a new relationship where you had to have the ''fart'' talk. I also remember how liberating it was when I would go to bodybuilding shows and farting was as normal as a handshake, take a look at the folks who work these events that are not bodybuilders, their expressions are priceless.  

[Dr Dutch]

^^^

Haha, I love walking into an empty office and letting one rip then close the door on the way out.  Always priceless seeing the look on someone's face when they walk into their office and the scent hits them.

Ah! This is exactly why I like to fart in an empty elevator...my room is directly opposite so I can see people coming out...

[PJim]

I have to shit extremely bad, had a big lunch, but now every single restroom in my building is occupied and filled with the smell of shit. Im just sitting here and it feels like theres a balloon expanding in my guts. Not sure how im going to handle this..

The only solution is to wrap your hand in toilet paper and try and cushion the fecal explosion. Also make sure you pad the water as well to reduce the sound of the bomb hitting the water.

You can always attempt the old tried and tested fart and cough, but it tends to fail when there is actual shit involved.

[Dr Dutch]

BTW my dog farts real bad. Scent is always the same, no matter what he eats.

[Parker]

They had these in my old job, I should have put it to practice then! No such luck in my current one, looks like I'll have to bring in my own. I hope it's not a dead giveaway as to its real purpose

How many people know of this 

Only those I have told---getbiggers only, wink....
And some few people who ask the same question.

Also, people could just bring in their own air fresher, or place one in the bathroom, or start a fund.

With the hand sanitizer, a lot of places in the states set up these "stations" in their buildings, due to the flu outbreaks, so you have hand sanitizers all over the place.
My mother used to carry bottles of the stuff for when we'd go out to eat, even if we washed our hands. And you can buy the little bottles in bulk---travel bottles. So in theory if you are out on a date and fart, you use that to cover it up.

[El Diablo Blanco]

Damn, I need one for work.

The Flat-D Chair Pad is a thin black activated charcoal cloth pad that is placed on your favorite chair. The user is virtually unaware of its presence because it is thin and comfortable. It is also inconspicuous to others viewing it. The black activated charcoal cloth pad is washable and reusable. Many users get several months of use out of it. When gas is expelled the pad absorbs the odor normally associated with the gassy discharge or fart. This flatulence filter thin cloth pad has high absorption of flatulance odor or flatus. It utilizes the highest grade of activated charcoal available to guard or protect you for your bloating or digestion needs.

Now you can use the benefits of a FLAT-D ™ pad on your favorite chair. This black, inconspicuous, thin (1/16th of an inch) pad is simply laid on your chair or wheel chair. Size is about 16" x 16" inches. Uses the same activated charcoal technology as our other products.

[JOHN MATRIX]

The only solution is to wrap your hand in toilet paper and try and cushion the fecal explosion. Also make sure you pad the water as well to reduce the sound of the bomb hitting the water.

You can always attempt the old tried and tested fart and cough, but it tends to fail when there is actual shit involved.

I had no choice but to enter the restroom, still full of warm humid air from the previous persons shit, and go sloppy seconds on the toilet. It was not pleasant but at least the explosive pressure in my guts is gone

[dr.chimps]

With the hand sanitizer, a lot of places in the states set up these "stations" in their buildings, due to the flu outbreaks, so you have hand sanitizers all over the place.
My mother used to carry bottles of the stuff for when we'd go out to eat, even if we washed our hands. And you can buy the little bottles in bulk---travel bottles. So in theory if you are out on a date and fart, you use that to cover it up.

I think this would be insufficient for me. It'd probably smell like someone took a shit under an X-Mas tree. 

[Nails]

[POB]

On the subject of toilet etiquette, I particularly enjoy when I'm minding my own business on the crapper and someone rushes into the toilets none the wiser that I am in the adjacent cubicle and literally let's all hell break loose like something out of Dumb Dumber with every possible noise/racket involved you could imagine. It's then just a matter of picking the right time to let out a little cough or a rustle of the toilet paper to literally hear their asshole pucker in embarrassment.

I was in a 2 stall bathroom at a meeting one time(always give the courtesy cough,haha). Well  this guy comes in and after 2 or 3 min, I guess he gets stage fright and you here him get up to go. Next thing you know I see his whole forearm and hand on the floor, mind you he's in a suit and tie. Just as I'm about to say wtf are you doing? I see the pant leg and tasal dress shoe. He must of locked himself in there so he army crawled suit and tie and all under the door. Lol funny stuff