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Author Topic: Prophecy must be fulfilled end of days are near.  (Read 2055 times)
avxo
Getbig V
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Gender: Male
Posts: 4099


You've given me multiple traumatic brain injuries!


« Reply #25 on: November 07, 2012, 10:25:40 PM »

Here's some prophecies that have come true and that people may not like to hear about or acknowledge:

Yay! I love prophecies! Let's go through them one by fucking one! And mock them!


The disappearance of knowledge and the appearance of ignorance

Cool, we're safe since our aggregate knowledge keeps increasing.


Books/writing will be widespread and (religious) knowledge will be low

Books are going away thanks to Steve Jobs and Jeff Bezos. Disaster averted.


Adultery and fornication will be prevalent

That shit's been going on forever...


When fornication becomes widespread among your leaders

Hey, leave Bill Clinton alone.


Adultery and fornication will be performed in the open

Let's save this one for a second, shall we?


The consumption of intoxicants will be widespread

With so much adultery and fornication all around can we blamed for just seeking an escape?


Women will outnumber men......eventually 50:1

What a disaster that would be... Roll Eyes But it would explain the fornication and adultery. After all the 49 women who aren't with a man are bound to get horny. And it's a crime to let a woman go horny.


Killing, killing, killing

If killing is a sign of the end-times the end times are cock-teasing us for over a thousand years. Our poor, poor blue balls.


The nations of the earth will gather against the Muslims like hungry people going to sit down to a table full of food. This will occur when the Muslims are large in number, but "like the foam of the sea".

Sea foam is caused mostly by pollution... what does that make Muslims? Huh


The children will be filled with rage

Also vast amounts of sugar.


Rain will be acidic or burning

But on the plus side, this opens up a vast, new market for umbrellas and pH "rainblocks" and helps ensure that many people have jobs.


Children of fornication will become widespread or prevalent

Do "test-tube" children count?


When a trust becomes a means of making a profit

What if I treat it only as a way to minimize taxes?


Gains will be shared out only among the rich, with no benefit to the poor

You communo-socialist pig. Take your wealth redistribution rhetoric elsewhere!


Paying zakat becomes a burden and miserliness becomes widespread; charity is given reluctantly

Yeah... the end-times are nigh when people refuse to pay taxes...


Miserliness will be thrown into the hearts of people

Followed, shortly thereafter, by a massive increase in heart attacks?


Episodes of sudden death will become widespread

Because of the obstructions caused by the miserliness thrown into the hearts of the people by the previous sign no doubt.


When a man obeys his wife and disobeys his mother; and treats his friend kindly while shunning his father

What if his Father is a rapist, his wife is bat-shit crazy and his Mother is telling him to not wear socks after Labor Day?


People will walk in the marketplace with their thighs exposed

As long as the Victoria Secret "JUICY" tights are still OK...


Great distances will be traversed in short spans of time

55mph Speed Limits are with us to stay.


The people of Iraq will receive no food and no money due to oppression by the Romans (Europeans)

Once their oil production ramps up, they can eat... not before.


People will hop between the clouds and the earth

Like a boss!


A tribulation will enter everyone's home

What about the homeless?


The leader of a people will be the worst of them

The end times started with Muhammad? Tongue


Leaders of people will be oppressors

We need to get rid of the Kim dynasty!


People will treat a man with respect out of fear for some evil he might do

People have been doing that since the dawn of humanity.


Men will begin to wear silk

Right. Back to polyester it is.


Female singers and musical instruments will become popular

Egads! Musical instruments are the harbingers of doom? Where did I put this Stradivari.. Ahh! Here it is. One moment while I put this piece of shit in the wood-chipper.


When singers become common

Paris Hilton did release an album... maybe there's something to this one!


People will dance late into the night

Twice now Paris Hilton appears linked to the end times. I knew that bitch was trouble since day one... She must die!


When the last ones of the Ummah begin to curse the first ones

In StarTrek an "ummah" is the Ferengi equivalent of a handjob...


People will claim to follow the Qur'an but will reject hadith & sunnah

So if people don't follow it - or at least claim not to - we'll be spared. BURN THE QUR'AN!


People will believe in the stars

You'll have to be more specific - stars like Kirsten Stewart, or stars stars like Sirius?


Time will pass rapidly

Let us never travel at relativistic velocities!


Good deeds will decrease

More evidence that we need tort reform!


Smog will appear over cities because of the evil that they are doing

Electric cars to the rescue!


Wealth will increase so much so that if a man were given 10,000, he would not be content with it

10,000 what?


A man will pass by a grave and wish that he was in their place

Anti-depression medications can help. Ask your doctor if they're right for you!


Earthquakes will increase

Followed by a 77% increase in headlines like "Boy trapped in refrigerator eats own foot!"


There will be attempts to make the deserts green

Las Vegas isn't called Sin City for nothing...


The appearance of false messengers

ICQ forever!


When people begin to compete with others in the construction of taller buildings

Yeah. Because after all, it's not the size of the building... Grin


There will be a special greeting for the people of distinction

I knew that the fistbump wasn't a good sign! I knew it.


The Euphrates will disclose a treasure

OK, you got me... I got nothing!


Two large groups, adhering to the same religious teaching will fight each other with large numbers of casualties

These religious nutjobs will be the end of us...


Wild animals will be able to talk to humans

Oh man... I can't wait to be able to press 7 to speak Lion!


A man will leave his home and his thigh or hip will tell him what is happening back at his home

Who is this man with the magical hip? Let us pool our resources and find him! Then kill him!


Bearing false witness will become widespread

Hey! Everyone on getbig really is 6'3" and 400 lbs with 0.94% body fat and the chiseled, rock-hard abs and massive gluteus muscles women love!


When men lie with men and women lie with women

Each time two women scissor the end times creep ever closer. And you don't want to know what happens when scrotum touches scrotum in the heat of passion... but it ain't pretty!


Trade will become so widespread that a woman will be forced to help her husband in business

Such a horrible thing!


A woman will enter the workforce out of love for this world

As opposed to entering out of love for her husband, per the above?


Arrogance will increase in the earth

No problem - as we drain the natural gas, the empty space will fill up with arrogance, until we learn to harvest that too.


There will be many women of child-bearing age who will no longer give birth.

Well, if they outnumber men 50:1, I can see that. I mean, after all... the spirit is willing. But the flesh is spongy and bruised!


There will be an abundance of food, much of which has no blessing in it.

Maybe that will cause people to refuse offers of food?  Roll Eyes


People will refuse when offerred food.

Everyone! STOP. DIETING. NOW!


Men will begin to look like women and women will begin to look like men

Skinny jeans are a fucking ridiculous trend, I agree...


The smoke

Come on man. With the end times happening, now isn't the time to talk about cigarettes!


Three major landslides (one in the East, one in the West, and one on the Arabian peninsula)

As for me, I'm buying property up North. Way North.


The wind will take the souls of the believers

Gone with the Wind. Now that's a great book...


The rising of the sun from the west

BREAKING NEWS: "JAPAN RISING SUN FLAG OFFICIALLY RENAMED TO SETTING SUN FRAG"


The fire will drive the people to their final gathering place

With all the carbon dioxide we've been producing, we'll be OK. We can make a big-ass fire extinguisher...


Blasts of the trumpet (fear & terror, death, resurrection)

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