read this, and then read it again, and again, and again
This applies to partners, too. If I'm compatible with someone, then our relationship will be effortless. We'll appreciate each other, just as we are. The less compatible we are, the more power struggles may show up, or the more a dominant/submissive connection may result. The problem with much of humanity is that we believe "nobody's perfect," and "all relationships require effort." As a result, we willfully enter into relationships that look exactly how we believe they should! We then sacrifice, compromise, and struggle (or giving up begrudgingly), believing that's just the way things are. And that's the life we live
I also believe happiness is more important than "sticking together" with a partner. Many people believe that sticking together will "make them" happy, even though they live a life of compromise, power-struggle, and sacrifice...all with the hope that this will "make them" happy. Howzat workin' for ya?
When I love someone, I do it *freely*, not with chains. I don't want her to do something she doesn't want to, nor do I want her not to do something she wants to. I say, be yourself. Live genuinely and fully, rather than meekly for fear of losing an (incompatible) partner.
A spouse that says to their partner, "If you get your dream car, then I'm outa here," (or some other ultimatum) is really saying, "I need you to behave according to my expectations, otherwise I can't feel good about you." Fair enough. Anyone can ask for what they want. But it requires the partner to *agree* to that, likely out of some fearful motivation, and sacrifice their own happiness to appease their (incompatible) partner. Put in simple terms, it takes one person to build the jail and hold the door open, and the other to agree to enter into it and live in it. Don't blame your partner for your decisions. Be accountable for your thinking, decisions, and actions.
I say to the women in my life, if you like me and I you, then we can walk together, for as long as we *both* enjoy it. But if you don't like me, that's okay too! You can always walk the other way. I'm sure I'll find company who'll likes me and share my passions with me. That'll be a hell of a lot more fun than trying to make someone happy.