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Author Topic: Do you ever think about raising kids?  (Read 5873 times)
cephissus
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« on: December 27, 2012, 12:27:32 AM »

For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?

Like how much to punish / discipline them?  Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction?  What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently?  How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job?  Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?

Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me.  But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative.  Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...

(no homo)

(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)
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« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2012, 12:31:05 AM »

For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?

Like how much to punish / discipline them?  Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction?  What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently?  How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job?  Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?

Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me.  But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative.  Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...

(no homo)

(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)


interesting post...says a lot about you.
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cephissus
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« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2012, 12:32:15 AM »


interesting post...says a lot about you.

haha i'm sure you're taking notes Cheesy
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Wiggs
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« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2012, 12:33:15 AM »

Quite often actually.
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Tapeworm
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« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2012, 12:35:02 AM »

Raising, no.  I'm more into the making.
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« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2012, 12:39:12 AM »

haha i'm sure you're taking notes Cheesy

very unique thread...haven't seen anything like thisa on getbig before....

did you have parent issues bro?  if you did, this will generally impact on the way you raise your children.
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freespirit
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« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2012, 01:17:33 AM »

Not in this world. Poor kids.
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dj181
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« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2012, 01:20:50 AM »

if i ever find my blue-eyed blondie angel, then yes

as of now, i'm seeing a green-eyed brunette, so i'm safe
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da_vinci
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« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2012, 02:36:04 AM »

To have kids in this world, the way it is, and the way it most probably will be for quite some time to come - is a very selfish/egocentric decision overall.. To raise them properly - takes a very dedicated and wise parent, who is already "in tune" with himself in the first place.
 And I don't think it's the right place to raise such a question, as most here are very troubled individuals (opiate addicts, fellons, mentally unstable sociopaths, just sad fellas on the anti-depressant meds, etc..).
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« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2012, 03:14:11 AM »

To have kids in this world, the way it is, and the way it most probably will be for quite some time to come - is a very selfish/egocentric decision overall.. To raise them properly - takes a very dedicated and wise parent, who is already "in tune" with himself in the first place.
 And I don't think it's the right place to raise such a question, as most here are very troubled individuals (opiate addicts, fellons, mentally unstable sociopaths, just sad fellas on the anti-depressant meds, etc..).
And people who wear triple-quadrupkle layers of clothing in order to make themselves look bigger... Wink
 
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Stark
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« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2012, 03:46:46 AM »

I'm going to tell you the truth that most parents will not tell you either because they lie to themselves to make themselves feel better or because society has a stranglehold on us how WE are supposed to feel about kids, this might sound a hell of a lot pessimistic but read my whole text if you are interested (I am in no way saying this is how the majority of parents feel like but I have had honest conversations with a lot so this text is based on my conversations with men and woman that have kids).

My son was born 2 1/2 years ago 25th of June and it was not a "I am now full filled moment" in some way it felt right and current like, this is what I am supposted to be doing, I believe I could have happily lived another 30 years without kids, but men are rarely ready to have kids.

So lets be honest, lets talk about the bad stuff first...
Yes your life is going to change forever if you want to or not, that little boy or girl will fucking demand your attention 24/7 all the time, yes you will look for ways to be by yourself (the toilet will become your favorite hiding spot) yes you will at times make believe that you have to stay longer at work just so you can surf a few more minutes online without being pestered by your wife or your son to do this or todo that. Weekends will be filled with kids stuff, you will have hardly time to enjoy or relax, as soon as your son or daughter is asleep you will have todo the kitchen and the washing and planing and so forth. That is only very basic stuff, anybody who doesn't have kids cannot imagine the rage you will feel when you finally have a second for yourself and you sit down only to hear that you boy or girl woke up and is crying, you want to fucking hit somebody in the face when you see the ? look on your wifes face like - Its your turn now, the frustration when you are lying in bed and know that THIS WAS your day and you had not a second for yourself is hard to describe, there is no "I put the baby on hold" thats it this is your life and you have exactly two options.

Fight it burn and crash
Embrace your new life and do anything for your family - that means you dont even think about yourself and you learn to love it.

I am currently still fighting it, and I am fighting a loosing battle, I still at times try to find a way "out" just so I can have my 20 min alone, I still at times love to stay up late so I can relax infront of the TV or a good book knowing fair well that next day my guy will be up 07:30 sharp and it will be pain from there on, but I learning slowly that I will have to change more if I want to be a successful father.

Having kids is 90% suffering and 10% pure fucking joy and trust me the 10% will make you happier than you ever have been.


Now since we have the bad stuff out of the way lets talk about the 10% the good stuff.
When you are coming home after a long day work and you have your son running at you throwing his arms around you screaming in joy Papa papa, than pulling your hand to show you what he has done all day, the feeling that there is actually somebody that hasn't learned to lie yet and is truly 100% happy to see you and is amazed every day of new that you came back, that feeling is unbelievable - at least to me.
There are moments when your son looks at you or says something to you and you feel that the world is stopping right there, he is the most wounderful and amazing thing at that time, only parents can feel that way about their own kids an I am 100% sure its probably a trick of nature Smiley but its neverless amazing when it happens.
You will gladly put all your wants aside and rather spend your money on something your son really loves, that comes naturaly and you don't even have to think about it.

Being a father and seeing your son and daughter grow up is amazing, seeing them form their own opinions, stories fears and fun is amazing and worth it.

The most important and awesome thing is this however (and this makes it 100% worthwhile) - Until a certain age - Kid love you unconditionally, its not a fake love or like or anything you have experiensed before,  you are for your kid the most amazing thing!! (of course only if you are good to your kid).
Its that love and amazement that they have for you which is making your drunken of love for your kid, you are NOT your kids best friend you are a parent and I strongly believe in strict discipline and have been accused by my mother in law to be too strict but I discipline my child by talking and the occasional naughty step trip, but he has NOT stopped loving me.

Forget the 90% of "suffering" the 10% make it so fucking worth it!!

REMEMBER!!
1) You fail as a father if you hit your kids! Its the lowest form of discipline there is, it is a very short term motivator and it never solves anything, talking if done right will have the desired effect, which does not mean that I never felt throwing my son out the window.

2) Kids are 100% in the right to test their borders, they are suppose to fuck up and do it deliberately to find out what they can and cannot do, its is YOUR job as a parent to show them how far they can go before they get "burned".

3) You are your kids best friend by not being their friend but being a parent! You are educating, disciplining and loving them! you don't have a friendship.

4) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent - NEVER EVER do the opposite your partner has done!

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« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2012, 04:31:47 AM »

^^^^
Great, honest post. Those earlier months/years are some of the mosst testing times in your whole life,but everything becomes worth it.
You just give up on your own life. me and wor lass plan what we are going to do when they are older when we can finaly have a life, but I wouldnt change it for the world.
They become your motavation to do well in life to provide them everything you never had.
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Tito24
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« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2012, 05:04:16 AM »

i dont take kids because im afraid i will touch them in an improper way.
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deceiver
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« Reply #13 on: December 27, 2012, 05:08:41 AM »

No kids, ever, I'm postponing test for fertility for too long now, I hope I'm infertile from roids arleady.

I hate kids.
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WOOO
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« Reply #14 on: December 27, 2012, 05:19:42 AM »

i'm busy enough with the dogs
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anabolichalo
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« Reply #15 on: December 27, 2012, 05:23:07 AM »

teach them right away sports and bodybuilding are the biggest waste of time and effort in life


for a hobby they better take up the piano or violin

when they slack in school make them talk to people with shit jobs and tons of regrets
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calfzilla
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« Reply #16 on: December 27, 2012, 05:40:12 AM »

i dont take kids because im afraid i will touch them in an improper way.

You have a son if I remember correctly.
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MORTALCOIL
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« Reply #17 on: December 27, 2012, 05:47:45 AM »

Kudos, Strak, your post is right on the money. I'd add one thing I've experienced and seen more and more often around me: the most difficult thing once you've understood your role as a father is dealing with the woman you live with. I see more often men showing a true sense of responsibilities nowadays then I see women do. This creates an almost unbearable environment. Being a single father is starting to be easier than raising a child within a classic couple structure. And in certain cases, it might even be better for the kid on the long term.
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Stark
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« Reply #18 on: December 27, 2012, 06:25:29 AM »

Kudos, Strak, your post is right on the money. I'd add one thing I've experienced and seen more and more often around me: the most difficult thing once you've understood your role as a father is dealing with the woman you live with. I see more often men showing a true sense of responsibilities nowadays then I see women do. This creates an almost unbearable environment. Being a single father is starting to be easier than raising a child within a classic couple structure. And in certain cases, it might even be better for the kid on the long term.

Sure a single raising a kid is better than an abusive parent relationship, I still think that any kid would benefit from having a father and a mother.
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K-1
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« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2012, 07:03:04 AM »

 moms gave me the best advice...until you are ready to be 100% unselfish...don't have a child.

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Purge_WTF
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« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2012, 08:46:07 AM »

I don't want kids, and I'm a Christian. Needless to say, I'm gonna need God's help in finding a mate.
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« Reply #21 on: December 27, 2012, 08:49:20 AM »

Yes, because in about 15 weeks, he'll be here.
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Wiggs
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« Reply #22 on: December 27, 2012, 09:00:15 AM »

Excellent fucking post Stark. Truth. In all that I patiently wait for the right host to birth Wiggs IV. He will be one bad guy.
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« Reply #23 on: December 27, 2012, 10:17:56 AM »




Wow 90 % suffering. Good deal! Sounds awesome.
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« Reply #24 on: December 27, 2012, 10:19:05 AM »

For those who aren't parents yet, do you ever think about raising kids?

Like how much to punish / discipline them?  Whether to encourage their own interests or steer them in your own direction?  What mistakes your parents made, and what you want to do differently?  How much time to spend with them while still maintaining sanity and a job?  Or possibly most importantly: what lessons to teach them, and what to leave for them to find out on their own?

Sometimes I think about it, and it seems like there are a lot of balancing acts involved. I would never raise my own kids the way my parents raised me.  But, that's just one path I know NOT to take, leaving it up to me to find an alternative.  Once I start thinking about it, many of the "mistakes" my parents made suddenly seem reasonable...

(no homo)

(bodybuilding related: are you going to teach them about weight training?)
No.
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E
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