its a thorny problem
I haven't slept for days wondering about this
sometimes life throws up a curve ball that will never go away
why Evan Why 
I like to read to take my mind off the heartache of a muscle hero's failures. Here's a compelling piece of non-fiction to ease your pain:
"A Day In The Life of Evan sCentopani....
4:46am. Wake up from the discomfort of a full bladder and the fact that the family pooch "Cuca Manga" is hogging half the Twin Sized mattress and your favorite GI Joe blankie you had for over 22 years. Tip toe to the bathroom and pee with the lights off. You don't want the extra illuminessence disturb the pupils of your eyes because glaucoma runs in the family and not to mention you aren't sure if UV Rays beam from the flourescent bulbs in the bathroom. UV rays cause skin cancer. You don't want that!
4:48am. Wash your hands to the proper duration of "Happy Birthday". Now wash your hands again. Scrub them really clean. Be sure to get every single pathogen and micro-organism off of your skin. Germs are most commonly spread through direct hand to hand contact. You aren't even about to get some new form of SARS because your little sister can't wash her hands right.
4:49am. ...now wash them just ONE MORE TIME because you never know and it's better safe than sorry. Leave a note on the kitchen table: " Mom, wake me up before you go to work or B 4 9am, thanks - E "
8:51am. Wake up from a dream of PEACEFULness, Chicago airports, fresh fish and non-PET toxic plastic bottles to the sound of your mom calling you to "Waaaake uuuuuuuuuuuuup!!!" because "it's almost Niiiiiiiiiiiii iiiine and I'm leeeeeeeeeee-aving! "
9:03am. Go into the kitchen and pull out your bowl of brown rice you made the night before and your carton of 100% Liquid Egg Whites. Pour 1-1/2 cups of egg whites into the non-stick teflon pan you just washed 3 times. Think to yourself that 1-1/2 cup doesn't look like 10 egg whites to you. Bet to yourself that Mac is trying to scam people. Now wonder if Mac is going to give you Bob Chick's spot as "spokesperson" for his company. Phuck it. If he won't then you'll just e-mail EGGOLOGY or Lana Dora.
9:32am. Click on MW through the router of
www.sethferoce.com . Wonder why your boy Seth let that Special Ed guy use his name as a vessle to shoot traffic to ilovespam. Hmm. Wonder how much Special Ed is paying Seth. Remind yourself to use one of your hushmail accounts to secretly ask Special Ed what he would pay to use your name. Pretend to be a "friend of Evan" who's looking out for his best interest.
9:39am. Spit a mouthfull of egg white and brown rice on your laptop as that ******* Blockhead "Shane" guy made another reference about "Denise". Swear to yourself that if he doesn't stop bringing up OLD NEWS you're going to fly to Chicago (again) and make Erin or Ondrea drive you over to his gym to pound on his stupid face!
10:15am. LOL @ the Rename Aaron Singerman thread. You have one! How about "Stupid Phucking Wannabee J3w" . Gosh! Think to yourself how bad you hate Aaron Singerman. Remind yourself how sick it makes you to pretend to like him. Wonder if pretending to like Aaron will contribute to stress and give you an ulcer. Wonder if gastric ulcers will inhibit your ability to eat citric acids such as oranges and grapefruits and void you of natural vitamin-c and antiox.....LOL! Wonder how Kai Green lives with himself for sticking his big black ding a ling in a grapefruit on camera. Bet yourself that's why Gerard Dente hates Kai so much and sticks him with "Muscle Meds".
10:27am. Log onto Rx Muscle under one of your fake accounts and troll around looking to attack anybody and everybody with hopes & dreams of being a "bodybuilding superstar". Laugh Out Loud at posts my "mayor of bodybuilding" and think how bad you would like to jump up and down on Dan's skinny little face and beat the piss out of that little blonde turd and smack the **** out of his girlfriend while at it. Dispute something Dave Palumbo has to say about protein. Discrediting Dave and exposing him to be the rat fink phony bastard you tell other people he truly is has to be Numero Uno on your list.
10:38am. Log onto Anabolic Society. Last your heard "peaceful" was posting here a little bit and you need to be sure. Remind yourself that you aren't even really thinking about her but wonder if peaceful27 is also not thinking about you. Remind yourself just how close you were. Just soooooo close if that bald bastard Shane, err... Romano didn't steal her from you.
10:50am. Feel the lower bowells and colon rumbling and wonder if it was the fish you ate last night, the possible salmonella poisoning from the eggs or if you just simply have to drop a deuce. Wonder why you always over think things. Wonder if you are really hyperchondriatic. Wonder if you should really consider taking a small dose of Seroquel. Wait. Remember what Tom Cruise says about those drugs that cross the blood-brain barrier. No way!
11:02am. Wonder if you can contract hepatitus-c by taking a dump. Wonder if the toilet water that splashes back up can leave fecal particles on your skin and if it can seep through causing a virus or disease. Wonder if it can infect one of your many site injection locations.
11:29am. After your 12th hand washing log back online and log into Musculardevelopment.com . Roll your eyes as you have to fulfill your contractual duties to that lispy talking feminine acting schmomo-sapien "boss" of yours. Gosh! You can't believe you couldn't find a loop-hole out of posting with these bunch of loser fans ***bois in your contract. Kick yourself for not trusting any of your "personal fanboi slaves" with your password to post and answer questions FOR you the way Dave Bourlet does for Jay Cutler. Bad enough you suspect John Blowman has your password already.
12:15am. Grit your teeth and bare it as you tell those scum sucking pieces of **** fans that you always have your Animal pak daily including your BCAA's, Storm for pre-workout and your Animal Nitro post-workout. Remind yourself to re-evaluate your contract and see if there is a way to get out of having to POST daily. Who cares what your closeted with a face-wife boss thinks. He's such a gaybot anyway and you don't have time for this bull****. Bodybuilding sucks. It's for suckers. Competing is for the birds and going to expos and standing there pretending like you enjoy to meet turds like Gaoshang Xingshou and creepy sicko's like "mayor of bodybuilding" disgusts you anyway. All that hand shaking? You run out of Purell. Ewwwww!
1:03pm. After Meal-2 of flank steak and sweet potatoes you log back onto ilovespam . Oh, that's it! TEXT PeeJay and tell him " dude look at musclweek fkn dudes **** talkin u ". Pretend to be on Pee Jay's side as the video of him aimlessly walking around the garden section of Home Depot with the tight white pants is posted again. Personally laugh your ass off as a certain degree of satisfaction calms you and seeing your frienemies "outed" always puts the sunshine in your rain.
1:44pm. Text Guy and PeeJay and tell them to be in the gym by 3pm and no later. You despise the after-work crowd and want NOBODY to see or even look at you. Uck! Imagine a fan trying to stop and talk to you. Ewww! The hand shaking??? Bad enough you have to touch dumbbells and barbells that are CLEARLY not sterilized.
2:18pm. Inject 2cc's of Test Proprionate and 1 cc of eQuipose. The perfect pre-workout cocktail! Laugh as loud as you can that just an hour ago you told some schmoe you always have a serving of grape flavored STORM. HAHAHAHA! Such fools the fans on the boards are. Gosh it feels good to hate them.
3:07pm. Enter the gym and ignore the front desk girls and the new general manager as they say Hello. "Fans". Ick! See Guy and PeeJay standing around waiting to serve their master. Tell them it's BACK day and remind them that the 3 of you have to brainstorm because it's almost 2011 and you need an excuse NOT to compete despite what your new contract says.
4:02pm. Feel your stomach get sick as you notice that PeeJay is starting to drop hints about you talking to "Steve The Queen" again for him. Put on a friendly face and say... "Yea. I'll call him on the way home. He left me a voice mail earlier for me to call him so...'' while you have ZERO intention to help him. He can go back to his G4P videos and "lifestyles" bull**** for all you care. Get even more disgusted when Guy starts up about talking to the guys at Universal. As if that big eared Dumbo looking orc-midget has anything to offer them. Puh-Leeeze!
4:26pm. Head back home. Laugh to yourself what delusionites PeeJay and Guy are. I mean, who names their kid "Guy". Like is it to remind people he is male? WTF were his folks thinking anyway? Wonder why PeeJay wants to go PRO so bad. Tell yourself that next time you two train for sure you're going to lay into him and tell him to give it up because even if he does go PRO he will be in your shadow and never beat you anyway.
4:44pm. Wash your hands because you never know what kind of germs were on your steering wheel. Look at the clock. Mom should be home in 15 minutes and she's making your favorite; Oven baked chicken with loaded baked potatoe with veggies! Just for you! Remind yourself of the scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off where he gets home just before his parents do. Wait. Ferris was a skinny little **** and if you ever see Matthew Broderick in person or at an expo you'll kick him in his teeth for wanting to take a picture with you.
5:01pm. Log back onto MD. Tell yourself a few more posts then that QueerBait of a boss of yours won't bitch like a girl for "too few posts". Wonder if he suspects you to have a gimmick at Rx. Wonder if he really knows how much you despise HIM and bodybuilding itself. Laugh to yourself as the joke is on him if he think you are going to compete anytime soon or ever again.
6:05pm. Tell your mom how much you love her loaded baked potatoes. Wonder if your girlfriend can ever live up to taking such good care of you like mom does. Wonder if peaceful was really "the one that got away". Scratch all of that and reach for your bottle of humulin and inject 10 iu's to transport the 3 baked potatoes you just ate right into your muscle cells. Laugh so hard at the fact that the losers who post on the boards think you have a protein shake with insulin spikin dextrose and creatine after a workout.
6:45pm. Log back online and look through your e-mails. Ignore any and all requests to guest-pose because traveling sucks and you don't have the stomach to deal with fanbois or do silly **** like tan or drop some weight. That's for bodybuilders! You may bodybuild, per say but no way you label yourself a stupid bodybuilder.
7:12pm. Return a text back from PeeJay: " he said he will consider u bro but kucklo asked him first a while back " Pffffft!!! LOL!
7:16pm. Return a text back from Guy: " they said they will have something for you soon hang in there bro " - Pfffft!!! LOL!
8:21pm. Log back onto MW Read: Bedtime Stories: You're True Tales. Throw your TMNT pillow across the room as that wise guy Blockhead or whatever his name is keeps talking about "Denise". Immediately go into your huhsmail account as elec@husmail.com and send this Blockhead guy a message to watch his step becuse just like Guy and PeeJay he will NEVER do anything in this industry.
8:33pm. Meltdown in a fit of rage when you realize you just been OWNED and you just made it worse. Vow to stay off of the boards forever and just wish this stupid bodybuilding internet love triangle would just go away like a bird and fly far, far far away. Think about the movie Forest Gump. Laugh at how pathetic Tom Hanks was in those little shorts playing Ping Pong. Tell yourself if you ever meet Tom Hanks you're going to stole on him for being a skinny twink fanboi.
9:08pm. Text Aaron Singerman: "call me bro". No. You don't call Aaron Singerman. Aaron Singerman CALLS YOU.
9:08pm. Answer the phone. Ask Aaron why people on MW keep hating on him. Ask him what are the chances of reconcilliation and creating a clean slate with the Muscleweekers of the world. Ask him if he knows of any lawyers who can help him find a way out of his contract to compete at the 2011 Arnold Classic. Jason that Special Ed guy??? No way! You rather just do the damn show than deal with that guy. Not only were you told to stay away from him but he's another "heeb" and you can't stand "them" anyway.
10:00pm. Cook up 4 Tilapia patties. Keep the sodium low by using Mrs. Dash Salt Free Cajun Grill because it's best not to overlaod the body with salt due to the sodium-potassium pump getting out of whack and not to mention the chances of developing pulmonary edema is a possibility.
10:18pm. Pop 50mcg of t3. Go prepare to unwind from a long day of self-loathing being a full-time bodybuilder.
10:34pm. Log back online. Dare to look at MW. If that ******* even posted my e-mail to him under my hushmail gimmick account I'll just lose all kinds of sleep tonight. Go into the kitchen. Inject 4iu's of jintropin.
11:07pm. Drift off asleep holding your favorite Pound Puppy from childhood. Wonder if you can finagle PeeJay to ask that Special Ed guy to look at your MD Clause To Compete contract for any loop holes. The Arnold is 16 weeks away and you have ZERO intention to start dieting. There is always faking the ol' injury but sonofabitch!!! You forgot to wash your hands again and leave another note out on the kitchen table to wake you before 9am.
- Block!"
