I would have said
Oh brother flatter than Florida, skip your third set of squats and use the time to clean your pigsty you fucking tramp.
I'd have said more junk in that dump than there is junk in the trunk, clean your room you assless whore, or if she posted in getbig, wow babe you are the most awesome woman I have ever read the text of and seen pics of, I love your, wit, beauty and personality, can we e-date and ill will PayPal you daily.