As the guy who wanted to like the movie more than anyone... I have to say, it did suck. 2/5 movie at best.
Where to begin... Fassbender and Bardem were the only ones who didn't seem completely lost with the script. Pitt looked bored out of his mind. Cruz was barely in the movie. Hilariously enough, the most unreadable lines were doled out to Diaz in brutal, lengthy speeches... cringeworthy, to say the least. Probably the worst of all though was this extended, utterly absurd rant delivered by some mexican guy toward the end of the movie. This dude honestly sounded like a damn migrant worker (no racist) and was tasked with a downright embarrassing five minute near-monologue about the nature of fate or some shit.
I think McCarthy is the biggest reason this movie failed, by far, and also the biggest surprise. The Road and No Country for Old Men worked very, very well as book adaptations. It's astounding, then, how much The Counselor, which is McCarthy's first actual screenplay, feels like an adaptation of a book that's just way too wordy and "philosophical" to be translated onto the big screen. I've heard The Road and No Country are two of his most sparsely written books, so I guess it makes sense that they would work well as screenplays, but why the hell he would go all Blood Meridian on our asses when he finally decides to write a screenplay is beyond me!
Enough about the script, though -- there are some good things to mention, as well. McCarthy's penchant for detailed, creative vignettes comes through as the most positive part of the movie. For being such shit overall, there are a lot of memorable scenes: Diaz' windshield-masturbation, a roadside trap, the "bolo", a roadside shootout, diamond shopping, etc. There are also a lot of hilarious lines, both intentionally and unintentionally... hardest I've laughed in a LONG time at the movies is when Fassbender is having "phone sex" with Cruz, the scene ends, and it immediately cuts to a shot of some greasy old half-hobo staring down at his phone, as if Fassbender had been talking to him the whole time!
I don't know, maybe Ridley is to blame. Maybe he could have reigned McCarthy in, squeezed more out of the cast, etc. But I just can't help but think of this as a huge embarrassment for the 80 (!!!) year old author; maybe he's halfway to senility
One last thing, as I feared, there are a lot of similarities to No Country for Old Men, despite this film not even being 1/10th as good:
- Group of characters get in "over their heads" with a drug cartel that's practically portrayed as an omnipresent higher power.
- Untouchable, supremely powerful villain -- though in this case it's far less interesting because, unlike Chigurh, Diaz' character doesn't even fucking do anything.
- New Mexico-ish setting.
- Themes of fate, irrevocable actions.
- Fixation with some kind of gadget/weapon
- Even the gunfights had a lot in common
That said, No Country didn't really show the "poetic" side of McCarthy, and was beautifully shot, subtly tying one scene seamlessly into the next. The Counselor, on the other hand, goes off the damn rails every other scene with some bullshit prose-poem monologue while the plot is relegated to a bunch of vaguely comprehensible side-scenes.
But let's end on a positive note: Natalie Dorner has a great ass!
