Filing for joint custody of my kids in CA.. is a lawyer needed?

[ESFitness]

I've had it with my kids mother.

she filed for full custody about 3yrs ago (after we'd already split), I figured I wouldn't fight it for 2 reasons. #1 didn't want to drag my kids through a custody battle, since I'd been in one with my parents divorced. and #2, I figured she'd get more financial aid/benefits with full custody and since they lived with her, she'd need it more than me.

well, it's been 3years of her making visitation as difficult as she possible can.

agreeing to visitation's, only to text/email back an hour later to cancel... this happens constantly.

($20 says she told her bf I was gonna be in town in a couple days and wanted to see my kids and he says "fuck no.. don't let him call the shots. demand he makes the apt 2 weeks in advance" or something similar... )

well, today is the last straw. I'm filing for joint custody to get at the very least court ordered visitation.

I'm in CA, and we live in different cities.

I know technically, I don't need a lawyer to file the paperwork, but if I don't get a lawyer am I killing my chances at getting court ordered visitation?

I'm fully employed and have been for years, and I've never missed or been late on a child support payment. I can provide financially for myself as well as my children. She, on the other hand, has not held a job for longer than a few months since 2005.. and has been going to 'nursing school' off and on since 2001. (she already has a BA from UCLA, but refuses to use it to obtain a 'real' job).

I do copies of every bit of correspondence where she's canceled the visits. emails, texts, ect...

[arce1988]

sorry brother 

[Viking11]

Get an attorney. I actually won primary custody of my kids that way.

[Alex23]

ESFitness,

sorry to read about this, I can only imagine the pain of being on the short end of visitations. I'm no expert but her lack of action to enter the job market could be playing in your favor. You seem like a decent guy able to provide. Lots have changed in the last 10 years when it comes to custody and correlation with income and lifestyle. Let me dig a little and check your PM, a good friend of mine is a divorce lawyer and I highly recommend him.

[SamoanIrishman]

Get an attorney. I actually won primary custody of my kids that way.

Ditto. Find one that is referred by Fathers Advocates. Took me about 7months and $22k but worth every penny.

[dyslexic]

If the bitch wants to fight, yes.

If she wants to be a good mother and play nice, no.

What sucks is this: If she is going to make you fight for custody, she will take out any problems she has with you on the kids.

Could go either way.

My ex is still a great friend. We split amicably. We never let the kids feel any pain. Never made them choose. Never tried to turn them against the other parent. We still spend holidays together. Our kids (until they grew up) could stay with either one of us whenever they wanted.

My GF has absolutely NO say in anything, neither does my ex's BF.

That is called respect. We are the parents of these children and nothing can change that. She should respect that.

Unfortunately, many women get stupid and emotional and use the kids as if they were Pawns in a Chess game.

Good luck bro ~

[tu_holmes]

Don't ever believe she will not bring one of her own.

Remain calm and patient, then when she least expects it... Fuck that bitch in her anus without lube and with no remorse.

"Beware the fury of a patient man."

[Roger Bacon]

You need an attorney

[WalterWhite]

You need an attorney

And a good one.

[ESFitness]

the good thing is I train attorneys.

the bad thing is I train attorneys that dont' deal with custody/divorce stuff. lol

I know for a fact she won't get an attorney because she can't afford one.. her parents would have to pay for it, and they are tired of paying for her shit.

I'm fucking furious right now, probably best to sleep on it a bit.

[SamoanIrishman]

If the bitch wants to fight, yes.

If she wants to be a good mother and play nice, no.

What sucks is this: If she is going to make you fight for custody, she will take out any problems she has with you on the kids.

Could go either way.

My ex is still a great friend. We split amicably. We never let the kids feel any pain. Never made them choose. Never tried to turn them against the other parent. We still spend holidays together. Our kids (until they grew up) could stay with either one of us whenever they wanted.

My GF has absolutely NO say in anything, neither does my ex's BF.

That is called respect. We are the parents of these children and nothing can change that. She should respect that.

Unfortunately, many women get stupid and emotional and use the kids as if they were Pawns in a Chess game.

Good luck bro ~

Ideally it would be awesome to have this but my experience taught me people change in time and not always for the best. Either way id hire a lawyer and draft a VERY specific parenting plan. If you guys deviate cool but if she gets crazy later you have something to fall back on. Pm me ill give you something's to ask for as a father.

[ESFitness]

thank god I've never let her know how I make my money. as far as she knows I work and get a paycheck (from which they take child support).

[Mawse]

If she knows you use or worse still sell, Aas then wave your kids bye bye.

They'll paint you as a potential Chris Benoit and the judge will order a drug test then join in condemning you as more dangerous to kids than a convicted sex offender.

[SF1900]

Yes, when you need advice about law, definitely ask getbiggers.

[ESFitness]

Yes, when you need advice about law, definitely ask getbiggers.

well, I ask here. maybe somebody here was in a similar situation.

[SamoanIrishman]

well, I ask here. maybe somebody here was in a similar situation.

Been there twice. Won both times. Both wins were for daughters which if anyone knows the fucking system its hard as shit to get custody of girls as a father.

[POB]

Good luck in California, you need to PROVE she's an unfit mother to get full custody or she has to surrender custody to you. If your going to court you need a lawyer,good luck

[arce1988]

 

[Kim Jong Bob]

What a evil bitch..how can she do that to her own kids. No mather how much i would hate my daughters mother it wouldnt mather cause i love my daughter and she loves her mother and that is way much more important than my ego.

[Gonuclear]

I've had it with my kids mother.

she filed for full custody about 3yrs ago (after we'd already split), I figured I wouldn't fight it for 2 reasons. #1 didn't want to drag my kids through a custody battle, since I'd been in one with my parents divorced. and #2, I figured she'd get more financial aid/benefits with full custody and since they lived with her, she'd need it more than me.

well, it's been 3years of her making visitation as difficult as she possible can.

agreeing to visitation's, only to text/email back an hour later to cancel... this happens constantly.

($20 says she told her bf I was gonna be in town in a couple days and wanted to see my kids and he says "fuck no.. don't let him call the shots. demand he makes the apt 2 weeks in advance" or something similar... )

well, today is the last straw. I'm filing for joint custody to get at the very least court ordered visitation.

I'm in CA, and we live in different cities.

I know technically, I don't need a lawyer to file the paperwork, but if I don't get a lawyer am I killing my chances at getting court ordered visitation?

I'm fully employed and have been for years, and I've never missed or been late on a child support payment. I can provide financially for myself as well as my children. She, on the other hand, has not held a job for longer than a few months since 2005.. and has been going to 'nursing school' off and on since 2001. (she already has a BA from UCLA, but refuses to use it to obtain a 'real' job).

I do copies of every bit of correspondence where she's canceled the visits. emails, texts, ect...

That sounds tough, especially after going through the divorce of your parents.

You need a lawyer.  Women have the advantage in child custody hearings. And you want to win.

[booty]

What a evil bitch..how can she do that to her own kids. No mather how much i would hate my daughters mother it wouldnt mather cause i love my daughter and she loves her mother and that is way much more important than my ego.

yes it's totally selfish. The children need their father too and being apart from him is hurting them.

[ESFitness]

I'm not looking for full custody, I just want court-ordered visitation to where she cannot pull a "oh, Saturday isn't going to work for us.. something came up" without giving a reason when she'd previously agreed to the time/day.. or when she does agree to visits, it's "we will be there 11ish-noon" on a Saturday, when she knows I work till midnight or have clients Saturdays that I need to reschedule or cancel (canceling 2 clients costs me $200), knowing that it takes me 2hours driving to get there at least.. I say i'll be there at noon.. and she says "we'll be gone by noon".. so what? I get to see them from "11ish till noon"? when "11ish" to her means 11:20am.. so I get what? 40 fucking minutes? and she needed 2 weeks notice for that? fuck that bitch..... I'm filing papers, and we'll let the courts figure it out. you have your friends/sister/boyfriend who've been "advising" you to thank for dragging your kids into court.... she could've made it very easy. just take your money and child support and let me see my kids like you agreed... but no, she wants the money, but make it cost me $100-200 in client money/income, $60 in gas, $60 in hotel, $50-100 in food (for me and if the kids eat) and more (stuff for the kids/entertainment/gifts, ect...) that's more money than she earns in her part-time job in 2 weeks.

[AbrahamG]

I'm not looking for full custody, I just want court-ordered visitation to where she cannot pull a "oh, Saturday isn't going to work for us.. something came up" without giving a reason when she'd previously agreed to the time/day.. or when she does agree to visits, it's "we will be there 11ish-noon" on a Saturday, when she knows I work till midnight or have clients Saturdays that I need to reschedule or cancel (canceling 2 clients costs me $200), knowing that it takes me 2hours driving to get there at least.. I say i'll be there at noon.. and she says "we'll be gone by noon".. so what? I get to see them from "11ish till noon"? when "11ish" to her means 11:20am.. so I get what? 40 fucking minutes? and she needed 2 weeks notice for that? fuck that bitch..... I'm filing papers, and we'll let the courts figure it out. you have your friends/sister/boyfriend who've been "advising" you to thank for dragging your kids into court.... she could've made it very easy. just take your money and child support and let me see my kids like you agreed... but no, she wants the money, but make it cost me $100-200 in client money/income, $60 in gas, $60 in hotel, $50-100 in food (for me and if the kids eat) and more (stuff for the kids/entertainment/gifts, ect...) that's more money than she earns in her part-time job in 2 weeks.

Was she a girl when you were with her?  Or did she become bitter because you dumped her?

[ESFitness]

Was she a girl when you were with her?  Or did she become bitter because you dumped her?

she was 24 when we met, I was younger (try not to tell my age on this site), we were together about a decade... she's bitter for a bunch of reasons.. 3 I can think of, I suppose.

[Dr.J]

Lawyer up...I'm going through a mess my self with my ex....just make sure he is good.  Pm me I know some good ones.