Are you losing your faith, Scott?
At times, yes my friend. Faith is pretty much based upon hope and a belief in that hope. I can and do accept that but there are times when reality face plants me. I have had friends lose children in the womb and to crib death (or whatever it is called) and for the life and soul of me I despise the weakness of my faith in being unable to do anything but pray for them.
If my faith in the Christ is enough for my salvation then why is it not enough to give them back their children? Surely it is greater than the proverbial mustard seed and yet I am unable to do that which needs doing. Which is easier to say to someone who has a lost a loved one? I will pray for you or I give you back your beloved.
Both are easy to say ,and both would be said with the same love. But one would have a far greater impact on both their life and faith and that would be the return of their loved one. I cannot do that and despise myself for it. And so I question my faith. It cannot be sin to do so for why else would God make us in His image and with a mind of our own? I have so many questions that cannot be answered except by my physical death.
And that bothers me.
I continue to believe in God as much as humanly possible and within reason, but not in myself. I have long since lost faith in the overall goodness of mankind. I don't blame God for what man does in His name as it is obvious that what we do is for our own glory, which is why more often than not we do evil.
Thank you for asking. Hopefully I have answered well.