Obama Truther Vows Not To Rest Until Everyone Knows He An Asshole
News • 911 • Lifestyle • ISSUE 50•07 • Feb 19, 2014
Pittsburgh, PA—Claiming that the evidence is in plain sight for those who want to see it, local man and passionate Obama Truth movement supporter Tony Mctones, 42, told reporters Wednesday that he will not rest until everyone knows that he is a complete asshole.
The zealous Truther, who for more than 6 years has reportedly labored to shed light on the fact that he is an obnoxious blowhard seemingly incapable of keeping his fucking mouth shut, vowed to continue lecturing acquaintances, confronting strangers, and handing out pamphlets on the street in an effort to convince as many people as possible that he’s an absolute and utter prick.
“Ever since this guy got elected to office, I’ve only had one goal in mind: making people realize that I’m a piece of shit,” said Mctones while posting a lengthy list of lies the president told since he took office on his Facebook timeline. “If you take even a cursory look at the available information, it becomes glaringly obvious that I’m an abrasive jackass who routinely drowns out anyone unfortunate enough to get locked into a discussion with me.”
“The proof is right there,” he continued. “I’m a repugnant, grating fuck, and I won’t stop until every single person knows it.”
Mctones has reportedly gone to great lengths to publicize his position as an insufferable loudmouth by diverting every one of his conversations toward the fake Obama birth certificate, repeatedly calling in to talk radio shows to express his controversial beliefs as to what country the president was “really born in” and placing “Where Was Obama Born?” stickers in bathrooms of numerous local businesses.
Speaking with reporters, the staunch proponent of the Benghazi cover-up conspiracy theory conceded that it is not always easy making those around him recognize that he is an unapologetic bastard who needs to shut the fuck up and get a life. Mctones affirmed that, in spite of the challenges, he remains determined to “give a wake-up call” regarding his supreme dickishness to everyone he meets by forcibly engaging them in debates in office break rooms, personal residences, bars, internet message boards, and grocery store checkout lines.
According to the Truther, most of the public remains “trapped inside a bubble” in which they ignorantly perceive him as a rational, well-adjusted member of society. However, he claimed he is making notable progress in convincing more and more of them of the “cold, hard reality” every time he loudly interrupts a friend’s conversation in order to voice his suspicions concerning the whereabouts of the missing birth certificate.
“Even though it’s clear that I’m an irritating dipshit, it sometimes takes people a while before they’re willing to take off the blinders and come to their senses,” said Mctones, who on a regular basis forwards lengthy chain emails containing unsourced accounts of drones striking innocent women and children to everyone in his address book. “But when you look at the objective facts, a clear picture begins to emerge: I have a compulsive need to engage in arguments in order to assert my intellectual superiority. I am in love with the sound of my own voice. I am not a good person.” “The more I reach out to others, the more apparent all of that becomes,” Mctones added.
Having spent years disrupting city council meetings and leaving inflammatory comments on every single YouTube video he watches regardless of its content, sources predicted that it would not be long before Mctones succeeded in his longtime goal of proving to the world that he is indeed a first-class shitheel.
In fact, numerous sources close to Mctones acknowledged that he has already succeeded in alerting them to the accuracy of his endless, obsessive claims that he is a jerkoff, with many of these individuals telling reporters that they now wonder how they could have ever doubted him.
“For the longest time, I thought Tony was a levelheaded individual whom you could stand to be around without wanting to tear your hair out, but eventually he was able to snap me out of my stupor,” said Mctones’s cousin Dario, noting that he at last became convinced of the Truther’s detestable nature in the middle of his 40-minute diatribe on the potentially doctored birth certificate at their last family Thanksgiving. “At first, I was skeptical that he was an asshole, but now I believe. His tendency to seek out confrontations, his inability to talk about anything except Obama, his refusal to let anyone else get a word in edgewise—it all adds up.”
“He opened my eyes to what should have been clear from the start,” he added.
Source: The Onion
Consequence, this is an obvious joke. Did you laugh or do you want to kill me? This is important b/c it relates to the other thread Inside the Right Wing Mind.
