I try not to subscribe to that societal dogma about where I "come in" in our relationship. I am the husband, father, provider, protector. I bend, but do not break. I put my woman on a pedestal where she belongs (because she is my woman).
I know that my wife never takes me for granted. Are there moments where I feel things could get better? Sure. I am pretty vocal about where I think that things are deviating. This morning was rough getting out the door and my wife was giving me short, pissy answers. I said, "Is this going to be an angry day? I just want to prepare myself". The act of asking that question, snapped her out of it and she told me that I has best prepare myself for a righteous fucking instead when I get home.
Setting up the communications initially can be difficult, but it is worth it.
First off, I'm lol'ing at all the comments.
Lots of guys appreciating sincerity (hey, I'm anonymous...I don't have to care if anyone here thinks I'm a ponce. I like being honest, as ironic as that may sound coming from an anonymous guy on the internet).
Lots of guys who are just plain angry at women and the institution of marriage, which I understand (though don't agree with). My dad hates it too because he married women that weren't right for him...but that's displacing the anger on the wrong culprit. He fucked up and should own some accountability. The women he married were who they were...he is who he is. Both of them are to be blamed for not being honest enough with themselves and each other to avoid marrying each other. They were the broken ones...not the institution of marriage. But I digress...at least I was borne of that less-than-blessed union, which I can clearly state, has been a huge win for mankind in general. I'm sure you all agree.
Lots of guys who are probably just sitting back nodding their heads "yes - my marriage is just like yours snx". And lots of guys shaking their heads saying "snx, you have it all wrong - please listen to me".
I'm in the mood for change, because status-quo isn't sustainable. And like I've said, if I don't change, she won't. And she deserves to have me try in an inclusive, partnering way.
AJ: that's some good advice. As you and I both know, it takes time to lay a foundational groundwork with your wife as to the tone, behavior and dynamic of the relationship. On first read, I loved your comment and in typical guy gung-ho fashion said "that's what I'm going to say". Then I thought about it, and of course, mellowed a bit. I know if I were to present my wife with your exact response, she'd be offended. Not because you are offensive, nor are your comments offensive. They would be viewed as offensive by my wife, coming from me, because I've never spoken to her like that.
That said, perhaps the time has come to shift the dynamic of the relationship to where I introduce this tone into our conversation slowly, maturely, but surely. To let her know in a friendly and respectful, yet clear way, that I will call her on her shit (where it matters). That I am watching her words and that I care what she says (instead of usually shrugging it off in my typical enabling fashion, which only reinforces to her that this is acceptable). And that I will be more demanding (again, respectfully and in the spirit of partnership) as it pertains to physicality.
On my end, I can be more engaging in conversation (I'm not a talker). And instead of just using actions to show her I care (and hope she gets it), I'll use words too, to remind her what's going on and let her know how I'm driving the relationship along with her. If she wants talking, that's what she'll get!
So thanks for sharing. I think there's wisdom in how you've done it. And if I take that lesson and craft it to my relationship, there are wins there for me. And for her too. After all, sex with me is pretty fantastic. And in typical bodybuilding fashion, more is always better.
