Sir Tinklescrotum and his motley band of piss dwarfs finally reached the river Thames after a perilous trek through the ass scented forest of Fartingham. One of his piss dwarf's - Ping pong head - was bitten by a feral Irishmen. He soon died of athletes foot and was given a proper piss dwarf funeral; his anus was stuffed with cabbage and all of the piss dwarf's - including Sir Tinklescrotum - had a circle jerk on him whilst humming God save the queen.
Suddenly, while they were exiting the forest, Golf ball head - the smallest of the piss dwarf's - pointed to the river Thames. Suddenly the whole band of piss dwarf's erupted into tumult. Our brave knight pulled out his telescope and was astounded by what he saw. It was the glorious dildo of St. Reginald, the protector of England. I was as large as a horse and as purple as the gums of a blackamoor. It had a saddle on it and it was being ridden by St. Matilda, goddess of piss dwarf's and Irishmen. As she waved at our heroes, an ass scented rainbow appeared before them. A vision of a horse giving birth to a leprechaun - no doubt a gift from the goddess herself - made Sir Tinklescrotum fall to his knees in supplication. The piss dwarf's all simultaneously started blowing each other. St. Matilda pissed all over herself - St. Matilda's bath - as she blessed our travelers and blew on her magic oboe.
A single tear rolled down Sir Tinklescrotum's cheek. He had finally made it to Southampton. He gave thanks to the Lord and continued his quest in the search for his sexuality.
