Wife cheats on husband with Alpha male 7 years ago
Story:
We met in college and have been together ever since. We recently had a 10 informal get together/reunion with our group from school. While there my wife spent a good amount of time talking with my first roommate from college, someone I never got along with and it has changed my idea of my wife.
When I was first in school my roommate was a popular guy, jock and frat type. He was very good with women. I thought he was superficial and lame but of course women disagreed. He got whatever he wanted. I didn't want the same to his extreme but I admit I resented that even the supposed good girl types lined up to be with him.
I moved out before the end of the year because I got tired of having to share space with yet another of his one night stands 4-5 times a week. He was just that guy, I even had a young-ish professor who was into him.
I moved out and we had some animosity over it even though we'd gotten along on a day to day basis otherwise. When I met my now wife the following year I was very interested in her because she was smart and beautiful and yet seemed unlike the other girls around me. One big thing was she was always skeptical and critical of my former roommate no matter how many people thought he was awesome.
Understand that when he was accused of harassing and possibly assaulting a girl the following year even the college administrator in charge of investigating the situation defended him as misunderstood and important to the campus community, so finding someone who seemed to be immune to his "spell" so to speak was huge to me. It wasn't the only thing, but it boosted her into another category in my eyes.
So we attended the get together last month and she was hanging out with him for a good amount of time, like old friends. I questioned this later and she has admitted spending time with him while we were dating in college. It turns out spending time with him also meant having oral sex with him on two occasions, messing around in general on other occasions.
In addition to having betrayed me (admittedly years ago) with my then least favorite person in the world, she still finds him charming today I can tell. I ask what happened to all that she said about him then, her ability to resist that and be sarcastic with him when he'd try to charm her like the others, she says she doesn't know, things just happened, why am I mad? it was years ago, etc.
She feels I'm unfair to hold this against her now, but for a month now I've just not been able to look at her the same. The details of the situation have killed me. Him playing playstation on the couch or watching football while she made him feel good is something I know but wish I didn't now. She tries to make it sound no big deal or just a thing or a mistake but it changes everything to me. She says she wants her husband back and her marriage back, I say I want the wife I thought I had. I wish I hadn't demanded to know what went on after I saw them together last month and the feelings still there apparently for her, at least seeing him as charming or attractive.
I don't intend to divorce but her friends and one of mine say I might be tossing everything away with my reaction. Of course the ones who knew him liked him which makes me sick. Has it been too long for this to be an issue? Am I potentially throwing away a good marriage to who I thought was the perfect woman?
Cliff:
Guy jealous of Alpha roomate moves out of the apartment in 1 year.
Guy meets girlfriend soon after who acts like she is not interested in alpha roomate.
Alpha roomate accused of rape the following year.
Fast foward 7 years. Guy gets married to girlfriend.
Guy and wife goes to reunion, and wife is slooting it up with the alpha roomate.
Husband questions behavior afterwards and wife finally admits to having had oral sex twice, and screwing alpha roomate while they were dating.
Wife tells husband to stop overreacting as it happened ages ago.
Beta husband feels betrayed but will not divorce wife.
