Now for my story. I've had an imaginary world in my head since I was a kid. It wasn't the kind with dragons and princesses.
My fantasy world was safe and loving. In this world, my Dad didn't hit me, no one yelled at me or got angry and me for obsessively counting things.
In this world, I felt like I belonged.
My reality wasn't so great as a child, but it did improve as I grew older and learned to stand up for myself.
But being a teenager was a whole new ball game.
I felt so inadequate, I was never good enough.
I couldn't live up to my own (unreasonably high) standards and that made me sad.
So I created my own little world in my head.
Although this time, I didn't just want my life to be perfect.
I made myself perfect. I gave myself a personality which I perceived as 'perfect'.
I eliminated all my flaws, I completely changed my physical appearance.
I had so many talents.
My favourite thing to do was imagine how impressed my friends and family would be if they saw my 'talents' but my personality in my dream world meant I was modest, so I didn't show my talents to anyone in real life.
That sounds so crazy but it was what kept me going.
It was the reason I would get out of bed in the morning.
My dream world got mixed with reality and I didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore, I was having constant panic attacks and I was always so scared.
So I tried to leave this world, but I couldn't.
I didn't want to.
It kept on pulling me back, it was basically all I had.
It took awhile but I untangled my dream world from my reality.
I still spend a lot of time in this made up world and it does still interfere with my reality sometimes, but I don't mind.
It's one of the only places where I feel truly safe and happy and losing it would be like losing a part of me.
