Really, you're not playing?! God damn!
I guess you can say 3rd world problems here 
I'm sory but I find your situation very funny, even tho I understand her pain, but still
no sex for awhile, huh
Bollox, I'll be getting it tomorrow, too pissed now to care.
I never believe people when they are sick. She was crying once with stomach pain I was basically:

Later that night she had her appendix removed.
I once went around with pneumonia for a week til it got into my blood and I nearly died. I still waited 2 days thereafter before going to hospital (and it is free here).