I was in Secrets Strip club once, this must have been about 6 years ago.
It was a regular haunt I used to frequent after the pub closed because it was open till 4.00am and I could get more drinks and snort more coke.
In the club if you wanted to smoke you either had to go outside or into the little room by the fire exit of the club where the punters and the girls would go smoke and was conveniently adjacent to the toilets where I could go in and do lines.
Anyway one Saturday night I was completely utterly wankered off my head, already had about 6 pints down the pub before and was on my 5th or 6th Johnnie Double and on around a couple of g's of coke (don't even remember other than I was doing lines every 15 minutes) ..lol
Me and one of the strippers go to the smoking room to have a cigarette and I go to the loo to do a quick line, when I come back to the smoking room, the stripper wasn't there but there were two girls in there smoking who were dressed nicely but not like strippers (I didn't clock this at the time cos I was fucked out of my head)
Anyway i can't remember what I said but I put my foot in it and said something like "hey darling you wanna dance for me or some shit like that"
The girls looked at me and where like "uhh...we are not stripper"
To which I said "well you look like you are" or something similar.
They started getting pissed off and calling me an asshole and a cu nt and left, next thing I know this Albanian mother-fucker is coming towards me with the girls behind saying "who said it" etc.
He's clearly pissed and coming towards me and I immediately get into boxing stance (I was in the height of my MMA days then so was pretty fit) and when I am pissed or stoned on coke I am fucking vicious fighter.
He tries to throw a right hand and I roll under it and answer with left hook to his liver and as his hands go down follow up with swift left to the side of his temple and he goes down like a fucking elephant.
Next thing I know another 2 Albanian guys are trying to come at me but by that time 3 security guys are all over it and no one can get to me and the are dragging them away while another security guard takes me upstairs to the VIP room and tell me to just sit there an do nothing.
I am sitting there for like 15-20 minutes and I am like I wanna fucking leave now (cos I wanted to do a line lol) and the security guy goes
"If you try to leave now you are dead man, there are like 10 Albanian guys outside waiting for you and we've called the Police"
I am thinking fuck my life, cops are coming and I got charlie on me, so I take the coke from my pocket and hide it down the sofa.
The cops come down and make the Albanians fuck off.
They take witness statement from other people and security who loved me (cos I used to be regular punter) back me up and say they attacked me which was true anyway since it was all on CCTV and I get called a cab and fuck off home and smoke a spliff to try to sleep.
Two days later the cops called me again to see if I was ok and no action was taken etc.
