For a small fee I can act as a chaperone.
I just saw this haha. I'm imagining the police report now:
"So you made it past thirty without being raped or murdered in New York, but then had the brilliant idea to meet up with a stranger from the internet?"
Yes officer. I dunno, he seemed okay. He said he just wanted to grab a burger.
"Can you describe the person who assaulted you?"
No sir.
"Well, can you show me his online dating profile?"
I'm sorry sir, it's actually not a dating site. It's...it's a bodybuilding forum.
[Sigh.] "So you agreed to meet up with a strange internet
bodybuilder...who you've never seen before? You're an adult? Half potato at least, right? What's this fellow's name?"
Wolfox, sir.
"First name?"
No that's it, sir.
"WOLFO- Okay, so you don't have a name either. Great. Excellent decision-making here. You said there were two of them, who's the other one?"
I paid the other one to chaperone because a chaperone seemed safer.
"Okay so you knew one of the attackers. We're getting somewhere. Name?"
Uh...ChopperRider, sir.
"CHOPPERRIDER?
ALSO A SCREENNAME? It's going to be a long fucking night..."
