Author Topic: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard  (Read 5118 times)

Army of One

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my little brother just forwarded me the first email he had from his roommate for his first semester at college. I can't believe what I just read, I thought these people were just internet jokes. The fact that this exists in real life...



First message from brother:

"Hey I'm (brother) and I was assigned to be your roommate this year. I just want to know what you plan on bringing to college like a T.V. or microwave for our room so I don't pack the same thing. Email me back or text me at __________ so I know what to bring, Thanks.


How his roommate responds, keep in mind this is the first contact they've ever had.

"Citizen* ,

I am planing on bringing a microwave and have put in to rent a refrigerator for the room. I also have some old carpet that we could use for a rug. The rest of what I am bringing consists of things for personal use (books, storage containers, etc., etc.) What all are you planning to bring?

I suppose we should exchange some personal information as well. Therefore I have formulated 10 questions intended to capture the essence of any given individual (proceeding from innocuous to rather personal) and provided my own answers to them (see below). If some of them seem excessively personal, it stems only from a desire to facilitate our getting to know one another and shatter the initial reluctance most people have to revealing something of themselves. After all, if we are going to live together we had better get to know each other fairly quickly.

What is your....

1. favorite type of music?
2. age?
3. former high school?
4. current major?
5. favorite pastime?
6. religious affiliation?
7. sexuality?
8. gender?
9. political affiliation?
10. additional commentary?

My answers
1. Classical: Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, etc.
2. 19
3.
4. Poltical science.
5. Reading
6. I am a dialectical materialist and therefore an atheist.
7. Bisexual.
8. I do not identify with any gender whatsoever.
9. I am a Marxist, more specially a Luxemburgist and a Bolshevik-Leninist (Trotskyist).
10. N.A.



Sincerely,
(New Roommate)

*For lack of a better form of address and in reference to the tradition of the French Revolution."


It'll be interesting seeing what stories he brings back of this guy.


MP

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2014, 10:35:29 AM »
Tell him to start looking into how to get assigned to another room asap!

Rascal full

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2014, 10:40:11 AM »
He she it sounds a right barrel of laughs.

a_pupil

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2014, 10:42:48 AM »
either the guy is trolling or there is a high chance your brother is going to be the first victim in the next mass shooting on a usa school campus

ChopperRider

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2014, 10:50:49 AM »
Respond back:

1. favorite type of music? = Death Metal
2. age? = 35
3. former high school? = Corcoran State Prison
4. current major? = Undeclared
5. favorite pastime? = Gay Bashing
6. religious affiliation? = Hardcore Christian Conservative
7. sexuality? = Straight guy
8. gender? = Red Blooded American Male
9. political affiliation? = Palinist
10. additional commentary? = Never Been "Convicted" of a Felony Yet

_aj_

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2014, 11:05:57 AM »
Respond back:

1. favorite type of music? = Death Metal
2. age? = 35
3. former high school? = Corcoran State Prison
4. current major? = Undeclared
5. favorite pastime? = Gay Bashing
6. religious affiliation? = Hardcore Christian Conservative
7. sexuality? = Straight guy
8. gender? = Red Blooded American Male
9. political affiliation? = Palinist
10. additional commentary? = Never Been "Convicted" of a Felony Yet


 :D

Lustral

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2014, 02:04:28 PM »
Respond back:

1. favorite type of music? = Death Metal
2. age? = 35
3. former high school? = Corcoran State Prison
4. current major? = Undeclared
5. favorite pastime? = Gay Bashing
6. religious affiliation? = Hardcore Christian Conservative
7. sexuality? = Straight guy
8. gender? = Red Blooded American Male
9. political affiliation? = Palinist
10. additional commentary? = Never Been "Convicted" of a Felony Yet


How was he in prison without conviction? Misdemeanour?

dr.chimps

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2014, 02:17:27 PM »
Respond back:

1. favorite type of music? = Death Metal
2. age? = 35
3. former high school? = Corcoran State Prison
4. current major? = Undeclared
5. favorite pastime? = Gay Bashing
6. religious affiliation? = Hardcore Christian Conservative
7. sexuality? = Straight guy
8. gender? = Red Blooded American Male
9. political affiliation? = Palinist
10. additional commentary? = Never Been "Convicted" of a Felony Yet

Not bad.    ;D

_bruce_

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2014, 02:32:09 PM »
Time to put on a Fedora and enter the fray.
.

MikMaq

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2014, 02:45:41 PM »
Honestly the dude sounds like he has aspergers.


That seems like the pedantic giveaway.

9. I am a Marxist, more specially a Luxemburgist and a Bolshevik-Leninist (Trotskyist)



Anyway dude sounds interesting.

Archer77

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2014, 03:00:57 PM »
Hes guaranteed to smell bad.
A

Cold

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2014, 03:07:18 PM »
Oh fuq that man. Tell yo bro to transfer to another room ASAP before they meet.

Next thing yo bro know, he be waking up at 3am and there are 2 other homos in the room and they be moaning.

Fuq dat.

MikMaq

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2014, 03:11:38 PM »
Oh fuq that man. Tell yo bro to transfer to another room ASAP before they meet.

Next thing yo bro know, he be waking up at 3am and there are 2 other homos in the room and they be moaning.

Fuq dat.
Dude wont be getting laid.

Bear232

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2014, 03:14:12 PM »
I would mention my rather large Sword and Mace collection. 

keanu

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2014, 03:49:45 PM »
They say you only grow when taken out of your comfort zone. Your brother will be better for this experience. His roommate sounds like another wannabe intellectual. A know it all that will have a poly science degree, and no job.

Costanza

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Lustral

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2014, 03:56:26 PM »
They say you only grow when taken out of your comfort zone. Your brother will be better for this experience. His roommate sounds like another wannabe intellectual. A know it all that will have a poly science degree, and no job.

My physics/maths teacher in school had an unbreakable rule to never tap him from behind on the shoulder. Said when he went to boarding school the older students would tap you on shoulder and when you turned around hit you with a brick in the face. Consequently his immediate response after years of this was to turn and punch if someone tapped him on the shoulder.

That's another way to deal with being out of comfort zone and living with a bisexual communist with no defined gender.

Palpatine Q

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2014, 04:16:56 PM »
See that door at the top of the basement stairs ?  That leads to the outside world.

Lustral

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2014, 04:18:52 PM »
See that door at the top of the basement stairs ?  That leads to the outside world.

No, it normally leads to the ground floor.

Army of One

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2014, 04:24:01 PM »
See that door at the top of the basement stairs ?  That leads to the outside world.

See those 2 things poking out of your vest? They need cutting off.

MikMaq

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #20 on: August 19, 2014, 04:24:49 PM »
See that door at the top of the basement stairs ?  That leads to the outside world.
This made me lol pretty hard.

I avoid leaving my parents house like the plague.

Im here in but fuck nowhere tell the end of the month.

No one knows how excited Id be just to see a non white person.

Bevo

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #21 on: August 19, 2014, 04:26:05 PM »
So your brothers roommate is TA??!!

Lustral

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #22 on: August 19, 2014, 04:29:13 PM »
This made me lol pretty hard.

I avoid leaving my parents house like the plague.

Im here in but fuck nowhere tell the end of the month.

No one knows how excited Id be just to see a non white person.

Come to ireland. I've seen one black person in the last month and that was today when I went for a meal in dublin. Ofc the black guy wasn't in restaurant, just walking by.

MikMaq

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2014, 04:50:49 PM »
Come to ireland. I've seen one black person in the last month and that was today when I went for a meal in dublin. Ofc the black guy wasn't in restaurant, just walking by.
Im going back to the city at the end of the summer.

But fuck man this is like living in a third world village up at the top of the north pole..

Ive seriously never had a larger ego, that I have being around this fucking simpletons.

Living in a city you feel like your fucking nothing, in comparison to some truly impressive people.

In this fuck hole, I feel just undeniably superior for absolute trivial reasons.

calfzilla

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Re: Brother moving to College and finds out he's living with a neckbeard
« Reply #24 on: August 19, 2014, 04:52:47 PM »
This dude is going to smell bad. I can tell.