***BODYBUILDING RELATEDHe is the one who banged 150 tinders? then threw one off his balcony?
he did it wrong
Two FORTNIGHTS ago
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tinder whore named Jocelyn, blonded 5'7'' half swedish half portuguese pulls into my driveway
she messaged me on tinder two nights before when i posteda photo of myself in glasses saying "are those glasses for show, because i could give you a show"
a really bad message, but i didn't tell her the message sucked. i sent that emoji of two women dancing, then said pretend one is a man, and pretend i am the master race. but there's no pretending girl.
then we exchanged numbers
yesterday at 3pm
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We met at my house. She drove from the country. My neighbor has quite a fancy car collection. I told her that his house was my garage, which makes no sense because my house is smaller than the "garage" (his home), but she believed it because i looked into the windows of her soul and said "not trying to brag or anything". I also told her I worked at ESPN and had a side job as a spy.
We drive to the beach. 2 bottles of wine down take a swim. Sitting back on beach she asks if she can pull a large scab off my
CALF***It bled.
she smiled
We go to a large bar with live music. It happens to be a jimmy buffet cover night, when usually they do EDM sets and such, so instead of 20 somethings and 30 somethings inhabiting the grounds, it is only fifty plus. People are doing the macarana wrong. Some guy told me a corvette was cool. Everything was dumb.
We drank heavily. Her body was (is she's in my bed) super super fine and face was swedish looking 9/10 with a tan (portuguese) was getting a full boner with her ass grinding on me andi had to perform the duck and tuck maneuver. It was still so blatantly obvious .
Clad with a boner we leave.
She in the car pulls another HUGE scab off of my fore arm (I'm a cage fighter. kidding. i have a bunch of scabs on my from getting jumped by 8 people last weekend. i did not win that fight)
i'm bleeding everywhere.
she tells me she is allergic to latex condoms.
wat
we get back to my house and i fucked her in the ass three times (i also had regular sex with her while choking her, and i face fucked her on each occasion, and she ate my ass, and i ate her ass) and i did not pull out.
it did not get bloody.
she can't walk this morning. she asked me to go buy her "cold pizza and a large gatorade and advil"
i gave her a vicodin and just left. i am eating pizza right now. i bet she's a gremlin
