Yeah it's weird, I never thought it would happen like this.
I realized in the last 18 months, I'm happiest when working on something useful, most miserable when i'm trying to have fun, party etc.
I'm guessing its more maturity than something I've figured out on my own.
When you feel like doing something else, and you realize that the old habbits that interested you years back are not interesting anymore then that's what it is.
For example there is no way I'm gonna go throw my rent money to a club anymore. But I still check out the same girls I checked 8 years go, my taste in women regardless of age hasn't changed but I don't take things seriously.
I categorize things in detail very easily, I can read people like magazine's- swiftly checked out cliche most of the time, and when I do find a perfect girl, as I did just two months ago it feels like she's my sister after two weeks and it's boring as hell, two weeks.
Truth be told, I shouldn't be dating anyone who isn't a priest or a shrink, but I do have sexual desires, and the sex can be so good that it opens both yours and your partners minds, you know the person better than anything on the planet, you cry out of happyness as gay as it sounds, you start to talk about the future, you start doing all sorts of things together and you're proud to walk with her in public, you meet each others families and friends and everything is like in a paradise... but then two weeks later it's boring and I'm ready to let go of her like it never happent and she can't get out of bed because she is too devastated about it.
I really need to find my own thing to make money with, that's all I'm lacking at the moment, but even so, I don't really care, I just kinda want it, I don't want it a bad as I need to breathe, I'm not searching for nothing anymore.
