post your joke of the day, i need a laugh...

[funk51]

 

[King Shizzo]

This thread is a joke

[funk51]

This thread is a joke

 

[greeneyes]

I'll try with a local joke, not sure people will like it because not the same humour as americans.

A little fat kid ran to his father and told him "Father, father, I saw on TV a machine where they put a whole pig then it gave them sausages" the father replied, " I have a machine where I put a sausage and it gives me pigs like you "

[Powerlift66]

Bad joke of the day:

A Roman walks into a bar, the bartender says What will you have"?

He holds up 2 fingers and says "Five Beers"...



 

[muscularny]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.  "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.  "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question.  "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"  And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.  This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.

If that one was too long for ya here are more



A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.  The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"



Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating!!"

[greeneyes]

A wife goes to the mosque cheikh and tell him " Cheikh, my husband doesn't talk to me anymore. He doesn't sleep with me anymore. He just never give me a sight and is careless toward me" the cheikh then caress his goatee slowly and tell the woman " Next week, bring me his underwear". So the next week the woman come back to cheikh with her husband underwear and shows it to him. The cheikh, take a careful look at it, examine it with his pen, sniff in disgust the soiled underwear and says to the women " The guy doesn't give a fuck about his own ass it's like not he's going to give a fuck about you!"

[BlackMetallic]

A couple were driving on a two lane road at night when they hit a racoon crossing the road. So they get out to look and see that it's still alive. Feeling bad for it they take it to the vet. On thier way a cop pulls up behind them and turns his lights on. The husbands starts panicking as he's pulling over. He says to his wife quik put it under ur dress and his wife replies pffft what about the smell?

The husband replies "just plug its little nose".

[Hulkster]

So I walked in on my wife the other day and she was shoving a coat hanger up and down in her hot hairy pussy.

I yelled "what the hell is wrong with you! why the hell don't you get a real sex toy like a dildo or vibrator or something!"

my wife yelled back: "Fuck you! what the hell do you think I'm looking for!!"

[funk51]

all good, here's another...... new teacher  comes into classroom and starts asking the kids what's their names are. she comes to one boy and he says jack fuckinghour... teacher gets mad and goes into principal and asked him do we have any fuckinghours in this school. primcipal says no only a coffee break.

[TestDummy]

I'll try with a local joke, not sure people will like it because not the same humour as americans.

A little fat kid ran to his father and told him "Father, father, I saw on TV a machine where they put a whole pig then it gave them sausages" the father replied, " I have a machine where I put a sausage and it gives me pigs like you "

yeah that was kinda stupid bro

[kh300]

were do snowmen keep their money?   

In the snowbank`


How do prisoners call each other?

cell phones

[wikkedonez]

Old man tells his friend.."My wife looks like a million
bucks! !"
Friend says "I know..wrinkled and green"

[NaturalWonder83]

What's black and sits on top of the stairs??
Christopher reeves after a house fire

[Slik]

Wut do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

[Army of One]

What's black and sits on top of the stairs??
Christopher reeves after a house fire

Beat me to it, always a classic.

What's wrong with 4 crossfitters going over a cliff in a car?

The car seats 5

[SF1900]

Im surprised no one did the whole, "What lives at home, has no job, and does not go to the gym?"

A getbig member.

 

[38-26-40]

Im surprised no one did the whole, "What lives at home, has no job, and does not go to the gym?"

A getbig member.

 

Cute!


Keep posting please! LOL, I love all these 

[greeneyes]

After all someone has to do it right? 

How do you get 100 jews into a car?
Throw a quarter in it.
How do you get them out again?
Tell them Hilter is driving.

One day a Jewish grandmother had taken her grandson to the beach for a play when suddenly a huge wave washed over the infant and pulled him out to sea. The distraught grandmother fell down on her knees, and sobbed, “Please God, don’t let my grandson die, please, he is my only grandson! He is the future of my family, please return him to me safely!” Instantly another huge wave rolls the infant back onto the beach and the grandmother looks up to the sky and said, “He had a hat!”

What’s the difference between boy scouts and Jews?
Boy scouts come back from their camps.

What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion?
A member of Crimestoppers of America.

What’s the most confusing day in Harlem?
Fathers Day!

[james72766]

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.

[illuminati]

Kylie Minogue , Robbie Williams , & Elton John
All walking over a bridge,
Kylie trips & gets her head jammed in the side railings
Head down arse up,
With a sideways glance Robbie pulls aside her G string
& Bonks her senseless.
He stands back & tells Elton it's your turn.
Elton bursts into tears, what's up asks Robbie,
A Sobbing Elton says My Head won't Fit through The Railings.

[BB]

Did ya hear about the cannibal that was late to dinner?

He got the cold shoulder.... .

[Radical Plato]

A wife goes to the mosque cheikh and tell him " Cheikh, my husband doesn't talk to me anymore. He doesn't sleep with me anymore. He just never give me a sight and is careless toward me" the cheikh then caress his goatee slowly and tell the woman " Next week, bring me his underwear". So the next week the woman come back to cheikh with her husband underwear and shows it to him. The cheikh, take a careful look at it, examine it with his pen, sniff in disgust the soiled underwear and says to the women " The guy doesn't give a fuck about his own ass it's like not he's going to give a fuck about you!"

This isn't even close to funny.  The fact you think this is funny is disturbing.  There are some sick people here at getbig.

[muscularny]

This isn't even close to funny.  The fact you think this is funny is disturbing.  There are some sick people here at getbig.

You are not on Facebook here, save the Islam appeasement speeches for FB

[gcb]