keys locked inside car story

[judochoke]

 so the wife has to go to the mall to return a coat, so i volunteer to go with her, hoping for a late night blowie . so as i get ready to go, i put on my fanny pack, (yes i do use one all the time), and she
says aren't you going to take your cell phone?. and i said no! i refuse to be a slave to my cell phone!! so i left it at home. (big mistake as we will see later).

so after the mall, she's in a great mood, and I'm thinking about that blowie i just might get. so as we get closer to our house, i told her that i would go and wash her car for her. so I'm driving her nissian altimta,
with KEYLESS IGINION, and i let her out at our house. i don't turn off the car, i just took off to the quarter car wash, about 2.5 miles away. as soon as i pulled into a bay at the quarter car wash and turned off the
car, I NEW I WAS FUCKED

so now i have no key fob to start the car, because its her car, and her key fob is in her purse. and i have no fucking cell phone

so i ask a guy washing his car to use his cell phone, and i dialed my wires number. goes to voice mail. i tell her to bring her key and my car, that I'm stranded.

i wait 30 minutes. NO WIFE, NO CAR, NO KEYS.

so i start to walk home. i had to pass two homeless encampments on the way home. they looked at me and wanted me to join them, i think they thought i was homeless. i stopped at a chinese place and got a chicken bowl
for the walk. so now I'm walking, eating chicken and rice, sweating, have to shit, traffic everywhere.

finally make it home, knees are killing me, almost shit myself, drenched in sweat, ready to kill someone, and as i come into the house, the wife says WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.? AND I GO, DONT YOU LOOK AT YOUR CELL PHONE???

and the bitch says, (and i quote), no, i don't want to be a slave to my cell phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  needless to say, there will be no blowies tonight

[NaturalWonder83]

I hate the keyless cars
My last car was keyless
The damn car was so quiet one time I left it running with the key in it for close to half an hour

Sorry to hear about your troubles

[El Diablo Blanco]

You have to shop and wash your wife's car for a blowjob??! Shouldn't it just be mandatory

[Big Chiro Flex]

You have to shop and wash your wife's car for a blowjob??! Shouldn't it just be mandatory

I have an "understanding" with the woman who i keep company with that there is an inverse relationship between blowies and black eyes, but then again I'm old fashioned.

[chaos]

I have an "understanding" with the woman who i keep company with that there is an inverse relationship between blowies and black eyes, but then again I'm old fashioned.

You only blow them after they blacken your eyes?
Kinky

[Big Chiro Flex]

You only blow them after they blacken your eyes?
Kinky

Love to congratulate this athlete with a complimentary roundhouse to the jaw to show my appreciation.

[Simple Simon]

so the wife has to go to the mall to return a coat, so i volunteer to go with her, hoping for a late night blowie . so as i get ready to go, i put on my fanny pack, (yes i do use one all the time), and she
says aren't you going to take your cell phone?. and i said no! i refuse to be a slave to my cell phone!! so i left it at home. (big mistake as we will see later).

so after the mall, she's in a great mood, and I'm thinking about that blowie i just might get. so as we get closer to our house, i told her that i would go and wash her car for her. so I'm driving her nissian altimta,
with KEYLESS IGINION, and i let her out at our house. i don't turn off the car, i just took off to the quarter car wash, about 2.5 miles away. as soon as i pulled into a bay at the quarter car wash and turned off the
car, I NEW I WAS FUCKED

so now i have no key fob to start the car, because its her car, and her key fob is in her purse. and i have no fucking cell phone

so i ask a guy washing his car to use his cell phone, and i dialed my wires number. goes to voice mail. i tell her to bring her key and my car, that I'm stranded.

i wait 30 minutes. NO WIFE, NO CAR, NO KEYS.

so i start to walk home. i had to pass two homeless encampments on the way home. they looked at me and wanted me to join them, i think they thought i was homeless. i stopped at a chinese place and got a chicken bowl
for the walk. so now I'm walking, eating chicken and rice, sweating, have to shit, traffic everywhere.

finally make it home, knees are killing me, almost shit myself, drenched in sweat, ready to kill someone, and as i come into the house, the wife says WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.? AND I GO, DONT YOU LOOK AT YOUR CELL PHONE???

and the bitch says, (and i quote), no, i don't want to be a slave to my cell phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  needless to say, there will be no blowies tonight

Maybe she was blowing someone else , that's why she stranded you at the car wash.

[muscularny]

so the wife has to go to the mall to return a coat, so i volunteer to go with her, hoping for a late night blowie . so as i get ready to go, i put on my fanny pack, (yes i do use one all the time), and she
says aren't you going to take your cell phone?. and i said no! i refuse to be a slave to my cell phone!! so i left it at home. (big mistake as we will see later).

so after the mall, she's in a great mood, and I'm thinking about that blowie i just might get. so as we get closer to our house, i told her that i would go and wash her car for her. so I'm driving her nissian altimta,
with KEYLESS IGINION, and i let her out at our house. i don't turn off the car, i just took off to the quarter car wash, about 2.5 miles away. as soon as i pulled into a bay at the quarter car wash and turned off the
car, I NEW I WAS FUCKED

so now i have no key fob to start the car, because its her car, and her key fob is in her purse. and i have no fucking cell phone

so i ask a guy washing his car to use his cell phone, and i dialed my wires number. goes to voice mail. i tell her to bring her key and my car, that I'm stranded.

i wait 30 minutes. NO WIFE, NO CAR, NO KEYS.

so i start to walk home. i had to pass two homeless encampments on the way home. they looked at me and wanted me to join them, i think they thought i was homeless. i stopped at a chinese place and got a chicken bowl
for the walk. so now I'm walking, eating chicken and rice, sweating, have to shit, traffic everywhere.

finally make it home, knees are killing me, almost shit myself, drenched in sweat, ready to kill someone, and as i come into the house, the wife says WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.? AND I GO, DONT YOU LOOK AT YOUR CELL PHONE???

and the bitch says, (and i quote), no, i don't want to be a slave to my cell phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  needless to say, there will be no blowies tonight

"i had to pass two homeless encampments on the way home. they looked at me and wanted me to join them" they too were once married and prayed for blowies as you call it, you will join them one day like all men do that must beg and con sex out of their wives.

I am embarrassed to even be communicating with you.

[Tapeworm]

Oh man.  So did you have to trudge the whole 2.5 miles back again with the key...thing?  And ignore all the taunts from the homeless guys "Ya forget something?  Are ya lost?  Huehuehue."  And then at like 2am you're going back past the chinese place and they're taking out the trash.  "All close!  No chicken in dumptar 4 u!  U don't make mess here!  Or else police!"  Boots must have failed hours ago by the look of them but it doesn't matter.  You can't feel your legs anymore.

You press on through a haze and reach the carwash in the new dawn.  Sure, you could just hop in a drive off but there's something to decide.  There's no friends here.  No enemies.  You left them all so far behind.  A man and his unbreakable spirit.  So you'll go home again, and back to work, and all the places are the same.  It's you that's changed.  Where is the fresh faced lad who walked out of that carwash so many moons ago?  He's here.  All that you've been and all you'll become.  And you know: This is how they felt at the top of Everest.  

[Waller]

Oh man.  So did you have to trudge the whole 2.5 miles back again with the key...thing?  And ignore all the taunts from the homeless guys "Ya forget something?  Are ya lost?  Huehuehue."  And then at like 2am you're going back past the chinese place and they're taking out the trash.  "All close!  No chicken in dumptar 4 u!  U don't make mess here!  Or else police!"  Boots must have failed hours ago by the look of them but it doesn't matter.  You can't feel your legs anymore.

You press on through a haze and reach the carwash in the new dawn.  Sure, you could just hop in a drive off but there's something to decide.  There's no friends here.  No enemies.  You left them all so far behind.  A man and his unbreakable spirit.  So you'll go home again, and back to work, and all the places are the same.  It's you that's changed.  Where is the fresh faced lad who walked out of that carwash so many moons ago?  He's here.  All that you've been and all you'll become.  And you know: This is how they felt at the top of Everest.  

This made me lol in a dentist waiting room.

[El Diablo Blanco]

I have an "understanding" with the woman who i keep company with that there is an inverse relationship between blowies and black eyes, but then again I'm old fashioned.

Did you mean Black Eyes or Black Guys?

[wes]

Good story! 

[judochoke]

Unfortunately, after 30 years of marriage, blowies are few and far between😫😫
But, like John Rambo says;ITS NEVER OVER!!!
You keep trying, keep being nice, keep washing cars, keep going to the mall, (lotta hot chicks there)
Keep waiting for those teeth less lips on your calk. Whom am I kidding???  It's iver

Fuck it dude, let's go bowling

[Las Vegas]

so the wife has to go to the mall to return a coat, so i volunteer to go with her, hoping for a late night blowie . so as i get ready to go, i put on my fanny pack, (yes i do use one all the time), and she
says aren't you going to take your cell phone?. and i said no! i refuse to be a slave to my cell phone!! so i left it at home. (big mistake as we will see later).

so after the mall, she's in a great mood, and I'm thinking about that blowie i just might get. so as we get closer to our house, i told her that i would go and wash her car for her. so I'm driving her nissian altimta,
with KEYLESS IGINION, and i let her out at our house. i don't turn off the car, i just took off to the quarter car wash, about 2.5 miles away. as soon as i pulled into a bay at the quarter car wash and turned off the
car, I NEW I WAS FUCKED

so now i have no key fob to start the car, because its her car, and her key fob is in her purse. and i have no fucking cell phone

so i ask a guy washing his car to use his cell phone, and i dialed my wires number. goes to voice mail. i tell her to bring her key and my car, that I'm stranded.

i wait 30 minutes. NO WIFE, NO CAR, NO KEYS.

so i start to walk home. i had to pass two homeless encampments on the way home. they looked at me and wanted me to join them, i think they thought i was homeless. i stopped at a chinese place and got a chicken bowl
for the walk. so now I'm walking, eating chicken and rice, sweating, have to shit, traffic everywhere.

finally make it home, knees are killing me, almost shit myself, drenched in sweat, ready to kill someone, and as i come into the house, the wife says WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN.? AND I GO, DONT YOU LOOK AT YOUR CELL PHONE???

and the bitch says, (and i quote), no, i don't want to be a slave to my cell phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  needless to say, there will be no blowies tonight

Funny story and glad it worked out well.

[El Diablo Blanco]

Unfortunately, after 30 years of marriage, blowies are few and far between😫😫
But, like John Rambo says;ITS NEVER OVER!!!
You keep trying, keep being nice, keep washing cars, keep going to the mall, (lotta hot chicks there)
Keep waiting for those teeth less lips on your calk. Whom am I kidding???  It's iver

Fuck it dude, let's go bowling

It's no coincidence that divorce rates among older people skyrocketed at the same time Viagra was introduced.  Most people older in their marriages succumb to the fact they won't have sex and all of a sudden old men with boners running around everywhere changed that.

[calfzilla]

Why didn't you just get a blowie from a guy at the bum camp?

[Lustral]

I had a spare set of car keys, like most people, til about 3 years ago. Someone I hate, on a visceral level, was coming to visit my parents' house from Spain (she has written off two cars for the record).

My dad asked if I could lend her my car for the week and I could drive his as I've open insurance. I protested as the woman who would be driving it was a reckless bi tch and a bi tch.

Long story short, I loan car... 2 days in she gets locked, throws my master keys in a bottle recyling bin the next day (the one with fob). Fucks off back to Spain without paying for the keys or even telling me...

Cost me €165 or something stupid to get a new fob, would have been 200 more for another master key... Monday 2 weeks ago I am in a rush to get work in on time. Chat to neighbour as I'm putting stuff in car. Say bye, I'm in a rush to get this in... check pockets... keys in boot (trunk for yanks).

Had 1 hour to get the work in, at 6pm. Googled key access - €95 for only guy who could get out in 20 minutes...

Fuck sake. Went gym that night, in panic forgot a client who trains in gym is also a mechanic. Said he would have done it free.

[muscularny]

Why didn't you just get a blowie from a guy at the bum camp?

bum was busy getting a "blowie" from some chic.

[Agnostic007]

Oh man.  So did you have to trudge the whole 2.5 miles back again with the key...thing?  And ignore all the taunts from the homeless guys "Ya forget something?  Are ya lost?  Huehuehue."  And then at like 2am you're going back past the chinese place and they're taking out the trash.  "All close!  No chicken in dumptar 4 u!  U don't make mess here!  Or else police!"  Boots must have failed hours ago by the look of them but it doesn't matter.  You can't feel your legs anymore.

You press on through a haze and reach the carwash in the new dawn.  Sure, you could just hop in a drive off but there's something to decide.  There's no friends here.  No enemies.  You left them all so far behind.  A man and his unbreakable spirit.  So you'll go home again, and back to work, and all the places are the same.  It's you that's changed.  Where is the fresh faced lad who walked out of that carwash so many moons ago?  He's here.  All that you've been and all you'll become.  And you know: This is how they felt at the top of Everest.  

Damn dude.. that was pretty damn good