Hell! Even the OSCAR losers are winners!
Marketing firm Distinctive Assets is handing out $125,000 gift bags to the losing nominees in the Best Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress, and Director categories.
Here are some of those 'gifts"......
Sex Enhancement Procedures, Plus a Vibrator! $5,250. Celebs will have the choice between the O-Shot (Orgasm Shot), LEO or Priapus Shot procedures. The shots (valued at $5,000) are said to enhance sexual response and will be provided directly by its inventor Charles Runels, MD, who also created the Vampire Facelift.
The losers can also test out the Afterglow Pulsewave Vibrator ($250), which boasts of "patented medical technology" developed directly by the sex experts.
A Glamping Adventure, $12,500 …. A luxury camping, hiking, and cycling package from TerraVelo Tours offered in one of America's "most breathtaking natural landscapes." The package includes options like hot air balloon rides, gourmet dining, surfing, horseback riding, and cheese-making classes. Stars will have private chefs prepare all meals, along with access to "fine Napa Valley wines."
A Year's Worth of Audi Rentals, $20,000….. Each car includes a "free in-dash GPS, Sirius radio, and Wi-Fi every time."
Custom-Designed Furniture, $25,000
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Mind Control and More, $20,000…. Each star gets a $20,000 gift certificate to have Enigma Life founder Alessia Kantor fly out and meet with them to discuss their 2015 horoscopes, as well as their dreams. Most of all, Kantor will teach the stars "mind control techniques" — and maybe their odds of winning in 2016 will be thatmuch greater.
A Train Trek through the Rocky Mountains, $14,600.... The Complete Lifestyle Makeover, $14,200 … The wellness package includes: a hair mineral analysis ($1,590), a VIP day which includes customized info ($3,500), organic home cooking event with a master chef ($1000), and more.
Custom Dessert/Candy Buffet, Plus More Goodies $1,295. Celebs will also nosh on Posh Pretzels ($50), Rouge Maple products ($280), XO mints ($10), gluten-free cookies from Esther Easter's Treats ($45), herbal tea lollipops from Dosha Pops ($70), and Hydroxycut ($45).
Sea Salts, Plus a VIP Tour $1,550 …. La Baleine is offering its natural French Mediterranean salts from its "pure and natural" source in the South of France. Recipients will also get a VIP tour of the private preserve where the salts are made. The group (of up to 10 people) will also enjoy a private lunch prepared by a top chef atop the salt marsh, and will have the chance to sunbathe on La Baleine's private beach.
Light Therapy for Fat $4,100 includes a "non-invasive L.E.D. light technology" procedure from Ventura that claims to help stars lose 3-9 inches around their waists in as little as 3 weeks.
And moe shit you've never heard of.
I'll take the AUDI and the TRAIN RID
BTW ... I once held an OSCAR for about 15 minutes in an effort to keep it from being used as a murder weapon.
True story!
